


duck tales

by hannahsviolets



Category: Mighty Ducks (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 21:28:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5106383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahsviolets/pseuds/hannahsviolets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's senior year for the Ducks at Eden Hall and things are changing for everyone. Adam deals with his sexuality and his love for Charlie, Julie learns of her boyfriend's infidelity, Connie's conflicting feelings for Guy begin to take a toll on her personal life. There's something in store for everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. parties & play things

**Author's Note:**

> This is my story from fanfiction.net and I thought I would post it here too. Enjoy.

It felt like all they did these days was go to parties. They were all exactly the same – everyone got wasted, someone ended up in the bathroom throwing up, the owner of the house came in and yelled at the person throwing up, a couple of horndogs locked themselves in a bedroom. And during all that time, Connie stayed in the same place. In the living room.

It was the summer before senior year. The school's most popular cheerleader, Jessica Bradley, was throwing the first party of the season. The Ducks were of course the first ones informed, being the most popular kids in school. (Well, maybe not all of them. It was mostly just Adam, Luis and the girls. They did still have people like Averman and Goldberg on their team). Although they were all good friends, they never attended parties together. Connie always went with Julie, but the rest of the gang rotated partners.

Within about five minutes of arriving Julie had already wandered off to find Zack, her boyfriend who had graduated two years earlier and had turned into one of those creepy guys who hung around after graduation, and Connie was left alone. She took a can of beer from the fridge and sat down on the couch, observing the scene in front of her. Jessica was welcoming people into her home graciously, but she kept looking outside the window as if she was waiting for someone, who Connie could only assume was Adam. Rumor had it they'd lost their virginities to each other a few weeks ago and she was totally attached. Fulton and Portman were playing beer pong in the dining room with a couple of naïve looking sophomores. It was obviously apparent to Connie that at least one of them would be getting some by the end of the night. Sitting in an arm chair on the opposite end of the room was Guy, who was making out with his girlfriend Alexa James. Immediately, Connie turned her head away upon noticing them.

She and Guy had broken up years ago, but it was still an awkward thing between them sometimes. Even though they were broken up, they still acted couple-y. So much, that a good percentage of the student body was convinced they were still together. Not so much anymore, ever since Alexa transferred to Eden halfway through their junior year and they became lab partners. Then Guy had pretty much dropped her like a fly. There was no more walking each other to class or sharing food at lunch or "jokingly" sitting on each other's laps at lunch. None of it. And although it was embarrassing to admit – Connie kind of missed it.  _She didn't like him anymore._ They broke up freshmen year. It would be beyond pathetic for her to still be in love with someone she dated in middle school.

Thankfully, her thoughts were interrupted by Julie, who plopped down next to her on the couch. She threw her head back in frustration and sighed loudly. Connie handed her her beer and Julie sipped it thankfully.

"What's up with you?" she asked her best friend.

Julie gave her a look but then shrugged it off. "I'm just sick of this,"

Connie non chalantly looked over at Guy and Alexa, knowing exactly how she felt. She couldn't take another second of the two of them sucking face. "Of what?"

"Just . . . this. Everything. We don't even like these people, Connie."

"Our friends are here," she insisted.

"Yeah, our stupid idiot guy friends who are either hooking up with randoms or smoking pot in the basement. We don't even talk to them. All we do is sit here and look around and talk," Julie rolled her eyes. Julie was always adventurous, she always seemed to want more out of life than she was getting. In all honesty, Connie couldn't blame her. She felt the same way sometimes, but she would never abandon her friends. She'd been with them for so long that hanging out in different crowds, in different parties, was unthinkable.

"So then what do you want to do? You wanna leave?"

"No. At least not today. Zack's here, remember?"

"Ah, how could I forget? He creeping on sophomores again?"

Julie took another sip of Connie's beer and passed it back to her, who did the same. "No surprise there. If I leave him here alone, who knows what he'll be doing?"

"Flirting with freshmen?"

"Ha ha,"

It seemed as if Jessica's wishes had finally come true, because Adam had just opened the front door. She practically jumped in his arms and started kissing him passionately. Connie was taken aback by it. Adam had always been the most quiet member of the team, very shy around girls that weren't herself and Julie. But she guessed everyone had to grow up sooner or later.

"It's so weird," Julie said. She was motioning to Adam and Jessica as well. "Adam can't even talk to girls and now he's sleeping with one."

"Sure you're not jealous?" Connie asked. Julie and Adam had been very close since the Goodwill games and pretty much all the Ducks had been assuming that they were secretly in love with each other since then. Both of them had always denied it.

"Gross. And yes, I'm sure,"

"I know what you mean, anyway. It feels like yesterday we were thirteen and didn't even know what our bodies did and now we're . . . here." She tried not to look over at Guy and Alexa but Julie knew her too well to know what she was doing.

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence between the two of them as Julie observed her. "What are you looking at, Connie?"

"Uh, you?" she tried cautiously.

"Really? Cause it kind of looks like you're looking at Guy."

"Sorry, who?" She was joking to hide it, but she knew that it was obvious.

"You know, your ex boyfriend who you broke up with  _three years ago_ ," Julie annunciated the last part.

"Oh, that Guy. Why would I be looking at him?"

"Maybe cause you're mad that he's actually got a girlfriend. And that she's not ugly. She's drop dead gorgeous, actually." Julie had a point. Alexa's blonde hair fell down to her waist in a very Disney princess like way, and her face made her look even more like a princess.

Averman suddenly showed up on Julie's other side. "What are we talking about?"

Connie rolled her eyes but Julie informed him, "How Connie's still in love with Guy."

"Julie!"

"The Con-meister! Still in love with the Guyeroni Germy-aine. Hey, Russ! Goldberg! Kenny! Get this!" Averman called.

"Averman, fuck off! It was a joke! Julie was just kidding! Right, Julie?"

Julie sighed but said, "Yes, Averman. Kidding."

He huffed and yelled back to the boys, "Never mind!"

The three of them sat for a good twenty seconds before Connie practically growled and said, "Get the fuck out of here! We're talking."

He threw up his hands, "Okay, okay, I'm leaving and left,"

Julie giggled and they passed the beer back and forth again. Connie couldn't help but sneak another peek at Guy and said quietly to Julie, "Y'know, but if I'm being honest, that's why I fell in love with him to begin with. Because he wasn't like any of the guys on the team. He was . . . quiet. And sweet,"

"That's usually how it works," said Julie.

"How what works?"

"The bitchy one falls for the nice one," Connie slapped the side of her arm but laughed with her. She couldn't deny that fact of life.

"Let's just promise each other one thing this year," Julie continued.

Connie took a gulp of beer and then placed it down next to her. "What?"

"No more boy drama. This is gonna be the year of the ladies. Julie and Connie's Best Friend Tour of '99. I'll get along with my boyfriend. You'll . . . not be a whore," Connie laughed at the insult, knowing that from Julie it came with love.

"I have been a bit of a whore," she agreed.

"Yes, you have. No more of that this year. Just you and me, the ice and some good friends. Deal?" she held out her hand and Connie shook it.

"Deal,"

* * *

Connie eventually went home. She said that she was tired but Julie had a pretty strong feeling that her 'tiredness' had something to do with a certain Guy Germaine. Julie was almost convinced that she was probably going to start fucking a new guy to piss him off (Guy had always been very uncomfortable about the guys Connie slept with). All Julie wanted was a year of just her and Connie hanging out and having fun, but deep down, she doubted that it was going to happen.

Julie spent most of the night telling jokes with Russ in the dining room, while the kids at the party bet to see if Goldberg could eat five pizzas. It was a fun time and she was happy that the school year was starting off so well. Still, though. Things felt different. Charlie never came around anymore and no one knew why. Adam was off in Jessica's bedroom. Even Dwayne now had a girlfriend in Texas and was always flying out to see her.

Her fun ended towards the end of the night when she remembered that Zack was here someday. Oh, Zack. They'd started dating during her sophmore year when he was a senior. He was on the lacrosse team, attractive, nice guy. And he liked her. So they pursued each other and here they were now. Except now, Zack was nothing but a pain in her ass. Always hanging around with younger girls, younger then her. Making stupid jokes and rude comments. She was more than sick of him but couldn't find a good enough reason to break up with him. She needed a good reason for everything.

She found a pretty good reason when she went upstairs to look for him and found him in bed with a sophmore. Julie practically screamed when she saw them both, naked and rolling around in the sheets. Zack turned his head around but didn't move himself off of the girl.

"What the fuck?!" Julie yelled. She didn't know what else to say.

"Julie . . . I . . ."

"Get the fuck off of her!" she yelled again. Zack jumped up from the bed and covered his dick with his hands. "You, get out of here before I kick your ass," Julie approached the girl, who smirked before pulling her dress over her head.

"You can have him, sweetheart. No offense, dude, but you've got a tiny dick," she laughed.

Julie grabbed her by the hair and threw her out of the room. The girl tried to fight back but Julie shut the door and locked it. Zack was currently putting his pants back on, but Julie knocked his hands away.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do this to me?"

"Julie, I – it's not –"

"It's not what it looks like? Don't give me that bullshit excuse," She was holding back tears. Julie never cried. It was one of the good things about playing with boys – it had hardened her. But right now all she wanted to do was cry. She wanted to go back to her dorm and wrap herself up in her blankets and cry herself to sleep. In a moment of anger, Julie took the closest thing she could find, a teddy bear, and threw it at Zack.

"Woah, Julie, calm down!" Zack walked over to her, like that was going to make a difference. She pushed his hands away from her.

"Calm down? I just walked in on you fucking another girl! How am I supposed to calm down?" she insisted. The back of her mind was screaming 'statatory rape!' about the situation but she didn't say anything about it.

"She came on to me! She's been pursuing me for months."

Julie bit her lip and shook her head. She didn't know what she was supposed to say to him. What did girls do when their boyfriends cheated on them? She couldn't think straight. All she wanted to do was get the fuck out of there.

As she turned to leave, Zack grabbed her arm. "Julie, calm on baby, wait,"

She turned around and slapped him across the face. He yiped at the shock of it but let go of her. Julie practically ran out of the room. The first thing that she thought of was to find Adam to take her home. She didn't even want to look at anyone else right now.

Julie tried to remember where she'd last seen him. Jessica. He was with Jessica. Kenny said they were up in her room. Julie looked both ways down the hallway, trying to figure out where he could be, where this bedroom was. She looked to the first closed door and opened it, finding it empty. She walked over to the next one and tried it, but it was lock. Julie banged on it as hard as she could. "Adam! Adam! It's Julie! Open up! It's – it's an emergency!"

She kept banging on the door when she wasn't getting an answer. Julie felt the tears coming. Shit. She felt like such a fucking girl. "Adam! Please! Open up!"

The door opened on the last 'open up.' Adam stood there shirtless, wearing only his boxers. Julie could see Jessica behind him, holding the covers up to cover her chest. They were both sweaty, which made Julie feel grossed out, but she got over it quickly. "Wh-what's wrong?" Adam asked right away. He saw the tears on Julie's cheeks and spoke again, "What happened? Did someone hurt you?"

"I need you to take me home. Now. Please," she said quickly.

Before she knew what was happening, Zack showed up behind her. "Baby, come on,"

Julie shrugged him off of her. "Get away," she muttered between her teeth.

"No, Julie, I just wanna explain –"

""Zack, fuck off. I'm serious,"

"C'mon, Julie, just talk to me. Come on –"

Julie shoved him away from her with elbow, but it seemed to be no use. Zack was determined to speak with her. She didn't understand  _why,_ it wasn't like he could explain away sleeping with an underage girl. She was desperate to get home and have herself a good cry. It hadn't mattered that she'd fallen out of love with Zack a while ago – being betrayed still hurt.

Adam was pulling his shirt and shorts on. Jessica was complaining and asking if he was going to come back after he dropped Julie off and he muttered some excuse that Julie didn't care if it was true or not.

"Julie, please. Let's just talk –"Zack grabbed her arm to turn her towards him and Adam pushed it off.

"Just leave it, man. She doesn't want to see you," Adam insisted. He took Julie's hand and led her out of the hallway towards the stairs. Zack followed them persistently. Julie tried to hide the fact that she was now crying.

Things were only getting more embarrassing. Russ and Kenny were at the bottom of the stairs, laughing loudly about something. They both saw her and Adam and started to say hi but stopped once they saw the tears and were taken aback.

"Woah, someone's having a bad night!" said Goldberg as he saw them heading towards the door.

"Shut up, Goldberg," she and Adam said in unison.

"Julie, you know, even if you won't talk to me now, we're gonna have to talk at some point," Zack insisted.

"Yeah? Don't you have better things to do? Like shoving your tiny dick into sophomore pussy?" Julie may have said it a little too loudly (on purpose) and everyone who had heard the remark howled in unison. Zack looked around embarrassingly, but she felt absolutely no remorse. She turned around and smirked at him. Connie had taught her how to give 'the perfect bitch face' the year before and she'd perfected it. Adam had to grab her from around the waist to get her to leave the house after the intense diss.

They shut the door behind them and walked out to Adam's car that was parked at the end of the street.

"What happened?" he asked.

"You didn't hear what I just said?"

"Well, yes, but . . . what really happened?"

Julie huffed. She'd only thrown that back in Zack's face because she wanted to embarrass him. She really didn't feel like talking about what had happened right now. That was one of the reasons she'd asked Adam to drive her home, besides the fact that he was her closest friend besides Connie. He never asked questions. He understood people and how they felt without so much as two words said.

"Can we talk about it tomorrow?" Julie asked as she climbed into his car.

Adam nodded as he started the engine. "Yeah. Let's just get you back to the dorms, okay?"

She leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes. She needed some peace for right now.

* * *

Back at the party, things had calmed down a little. Zack had left in a cloud of embarrassment and everyone had finally stopped talking about what Julie had said. Jessica came downstairs looking both angry and annoyed and went to go and talk to her girlfriends. Guy and Alexa got up from their armchair to ask around about what had happened, both disheveled and Guy with lipstick around his mouth.

Russ, Kenny, Goldberg and Averman had moved things down to the basement where the stoners hung out. Fulton and Portman were smoking pot with a couple kids who they only knew by sight.

"I don't even know what Julie sees in that asshole," said Kenny.

"Right now, I would say that she sees nothing in him, Ken," Russ added.

Kenny chuckled and nodded in agreement.

"Let's be real, it was only a matter of time before she caught him fucking someone else. He's always hitting on the younger girls. She knows that," Kenny continued.

"It's fucking gross, man," said Goldberg.

"What's gross?" said Portman, turning around to face his friends.

"Julie's boyfriend fucked a sophomore," Goldberg explained.

Both Portman and Fulton made faces and groaned at how gross it truly was.

"I should beat his ass," said Portman. "Who the fuck is he to treat Julie like that?"

"Her shitty boyfriend," said Fulton.

"If Julie was my girlfriend, I would never treat her with such disrespect," said Goldberg. No one could really tell if he was being completely serious or not. It was always hard to tell when it came to Goldberg.

"Easy to say when you've never had a girlfriend," Russ laughed at his own comment and Averman joined in.

Goldberg gave the two of them a look. "What are you laughing at, Averman? It's not like the ladies are fighting over you."

"Speak for yourself," said Averman. "There happen to be a lot of girls who find me very classy."

"Counting your mother?" said Goldberg.

Averman groaned and ignored his comment. "Whatever. I bet I could snag Julie faster than you could,"

"Do I smell a bet?" said Russ.

"I think you do," Goldberg agreed. "Alright, Averman. But prepare to eat your words when I get it in with the Cat lady before you."

"Julie wouldn't let you within twenty feet of her pussy," said Portman.

"Says you,"

"I'm pretty sure she'll tell you the same thing."

Goldberg and Averman ignored Portman's words and held out their hands. They shook on it.


	2. love & lust

 

It's the Saturday before school starts when Alexa asks Guy the big question. Not the "Will you marry me?" one, obviously, the "I wanna have sex. Do you?" question. They're lying on his couch making out while some crappy TV show plays in the background. She stops kissing him and brushes her hair out of her eyes and says it like it's no big deal. It takes him a second to answer, mostly because he's in shock and partly because he doesn't know how to answer.

He's never been the 'sexy' type. No girl has probably ever even considered sleeping with him. He's the guy that girls take home to meet their parents, not fuck in the backseat of their car. He likes being that guy. But now he's lying here with Alexa on top of him – beautiful Alexa, who may or may not be giving him a semi with the way she's grinding against his dick – and he's given the option to be someone other than himself.

"Um . . . you want to?"

She giggles, "I just said that, didn't I?"

"Yeah. Sorry,"

Guy knows he has to say something else but he truly can't think of anyone. What  _can_  he say that won't sound stupid? And aside from that, he doesn't know if he entirely does want to. It wasn't like he didn't like Alexa. She was super smart, sweet, liked stupid jokes in the way that she'd shoot milk out of her nose at a simple knock-knock joke. He liked her a lot and was lucky to have her. But sex? . . . Guy definitely didn't know about that.

"Are you okay?" Alexa asked when he didn't say anything else. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to,"

Guy took her hand off his chest and held it. "It's not that I . . . don't want to. It's just that I'm – not ready to. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad,"  
Alexa smiled and looked down before whispering, "You want to know a secret?"

He nodded.

"I'm a virgin," she bit her lip like she was nervous that he was going to laugh at her or something and he did laugh, but not because he was making fun of her.

"Me too,"

Alexa looked surprised by that. "No shit?"

"No shit."

"But what about Connie?"

Guy swallowed hard. Connie's name being brought up was always a sore spot for him (he wasn't entirely sure why). He also felt sort of bad that he'd kind of been ignoring her since he and Alexa started going out in March.

"Well . . . we broke up the summer before freshmen year. We were sort of young," he explained.

Alexa shrugged. "Oh. Sorry, y'know, I just figured . . ."

"Figured what?"

"Nothing. Connie's just . . . well . . . you know . . . people talk . . ."

Guy sat up as best as he could with her on top of him. "Yeah? Well, people are full of shit."

"Are they? Because I remember you saying just a few months ago that you didn't like that she was out sleeping with all these shifty guys," Alexa said it like she thought that he was getting angry with her. Guy tried (and failed) to convince himself that he wasn't becoming upset just because she had implied something about Connie. But still, he had said that and he couldn't take it back.

"Whatever. I shouldn't have said that, it's not my business. You're my girlfriend now. I can't look after her anymore,"

Alexa beamed brightly at that, which made Guy feel a little guilty. There had been numerous times where people had approached him and Alexa and asked what had happened to Connie. She'd never said anything, but Guy picked up on a lot. He knew she felt self conscious about it and hearing him confirm that she was his girlfriend and not Connie must've been great for her.

"Can we makeout again?" she asked.

He giggled and they attached their lips together once more.

* * *

The night after the party, Adam took Julie out to eat at their favorite diner to cheer her up. She'd hardly said two words since they sat down, just playing with her straw and looking at the table. Adam knew her better than almost anyone, and he knew that she was waiting for him to say something before they talked about the night before. He didn't know how to bring it up. He'd never been good at talking.

"So, uh, you talk to Connie about . . .?" he finally said.

Julie nodded. "Yep."

"Did you guys . . . hang out today?"

She shook her head. "No. I – it's weird, but I'm not even that upset about Zack,"

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure? You seemed pretty upset yesterday."

"I don't know. I was thinking about it today and it's not really a shock or anything. I've been preparing for him to cheat on me for months now," Julie shrugged.

Adam didn't question it.

"How's Jessica?" she asked him after a few moments of awkward silence. "You talk to her?"

He looked at the ground. He knew that Julie knew that he wasn't particularly interested in Jessica . . . at least sexually. He'd started hanging out with her a few months ago and he'd really enjoyed talking with her – she was super funny and always had crazy stories that made him smile. Things had gone downhill one night when they were hanging out in his pool and she asked if he liked her and he hadn't known how to say no so he'd smiled shyly and said yes. One thing led to another and before he knew it he was losing his virginity on the patch of grass next to the diving board. Jessica had told pretty much everyone they knew about what they'd done and now everyone was calling them the Eden Hall supercouple. It was only Julie who hadn't yet called them a cute couple and Adam knew why.

"Uh . . . yeah. She's not mad about me ditching her to take you home. She said it was sweet actually,"

"She must really like you," Julie said in a knowing voice.

Adam nodded. "She does,"

"And you really like her?"

He was a terrible liar. "Yep,"

Julie raised her eyebrows and looked around to make sure no one was listening before saying, "It's me. You told me the truth once before you can tell me again,"

Adam couldn't help but look away. Memories of freshmen year were too painful – when he'd been taken away from his friends and forced to hang with the rest of the Varsity team. When they'd gotten him drunk at every party and locked him in a room with three cheerleaders until they all performed oral sex on each other. He'd fallen into a depression that took a toll too heavy to get over on him. And then one night the summer before sophomore year, he and Julie were at a party and they'd both been drinking a little too much and he'd admitted to her in his bout of sadness that he was in love with Charlie.

He'd figured that out once his parents found him in the bathroom with his ice skate pressed into his hand and took him into a therapist, that the root of his depression was that Charlie had stopped talking to him. And once he'd figured that out, he figured out that he'd had feelings for him for a long time. He'd never told anyone other then his therapist and Julie. He'd always hoped Julie had forgotten that he'd told her but he knew from the looks she gave him whenever Charlie said anything to him that she hadn't.

"I . . . I like her, Julie. I promise," he said with as much assurance as he could muster.

Julie rached across the table and took his hand. She only did that when she was getting serious. "I don't think you do, honey. I see the way you look at him – you're my best friend. We've been best friends since that day during the Goodwill games when you called out Portman for being a pig to me. We've always had each other's backs. I would never, ever make fun of you. You can trust me. I love you,"

He hadn't realized he'd started crying but everything Julie said was true. She was without a doubt the most important person in his life, the only person he didn't have to prove anything to. And he did trust her. He could talk to her about this for the first time really.

"Okay," he whispered and squeezed her hand. "Nothing's changed. I still feel the same way I did when I told you what I . . . told you. But being with Jessica isn't to cover that up, the thing with Jessica kind of just happened. And I feel like a total ass for going out with her when I'm madly in love with someone else but it's not like I can just break up with her. I don't want to hurt her,"

Julie wasn't crying, but she never cried. She was smiling like she was emotional, though. "That's your problem, Adam. You never want to hurt anyone's feelings. Guess what? Her feelings are gonna get hurt either way because it's pretty damn obvious how you feel about a certain someone,"

His eyes widened. "Wait, really? Do you think he knows?"

"Charlie's a dumbass. No way he's realized it yet. No one else on the team either – they're all idiot straight boys and Connie's too preoccupied in her own love life to notice much,"  
Adam nodded and felt his heart rate go down. "Idiot straight boys – so do you, uh, think he's straight?" He already knew the answer but figured he'd ask anyway.

"Um . . . well . . . I can find out,"

"No, no, don't!"  
"Alright, then I won't,"

"But what do you think he is?"

Julie leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. "I mean . . . I don't think he's like . . . exclusive or anything. But figuring out whether someone's gay or straight isn't the easiest thing to do,"

Adam shrugged. "I guess,"

"So . . ." Julie said slowly. "You ever gonna tell him?"

He'd considered it before. Imagined it countless times – catching him after practice one day, confessing his love for him. Charlie would smile shyly in that cute way he does and then they'd kiss and skate off together. But he wasn't an idiot – that was never going to happen. It wasn't like Charlie would laugh at him or anything, he'd probably just be like "Sorry, I'm straight" and continue on with his day.

"No. Too embarrassing," And he'd never feel the same.

* * *

Charlie knelt on the ground of their small apartment sweeping up the remains of what had been his mother's favorite plate that she'd gotten from England. His stepfather sat lazily in the armchair next to him, clicking through channels and sipping a beer. Charlie tried his best not to glare at him but it wasn't that easy. Coming home to see the piece of shit slapping your mother around every day wasn't something that you could forget about easily.

On this specific day, he'd arrived home after a day of hanging with Fulton at the mall and walked in to see Jim toss the plate right past his mother's head. He'd stepped in between the two of them and checked her head for scratches like he'd done a thousand times and took her to his room to rest while he cleaned up the mess.

Jim never hit him. It was rare for him to even lay a hand on Charlie, aside from the common pat on the back he got after a big win. He'd never asked why he was spared from the abuse, but he'd seen lots of after school specials explaining that sometimes women beaters think that it's too far to hit a kid. Charlie could only roll his eyes at the stupidity of that.

Once everything was clean, he tossed the shards into the kitchen garbage and tiptoed into his room where his mother was lying down. He sat down next to her and held her hand. "I still don't understand why you stay with that asshole," he whispered so Jim couldn't hear. The man always seemed to hear everything.

She smiled sadly. "Neither do I,"

"You should leave him. We'll be fine on our own, mom. We've been on our own before. And I'm older now, I can get a job. I can take care of us, mom,"

His mother squeezed his hand tight. "Life's not always that simple, Charlie."

"What's not simple about it? All you have to do is leave him and I can call Bombay to handle all the lawer-y stuff. We can stay with grandma or something until it's all cleared up,"

"Honey . . . I can't . . ."

They'd had this conversation a countless number of times. Every time ended the same way – his mother insisting that everything was fine the way it was and that he should relax. Charlie couldn't do that. He couldn't sit back and let some piece of shit abuse his mother just for the hell of it. But it wasn't like there was much he could do since his mother refused to leave him.

He'd been spending less and less time with his friends recently so that he could look after her. Hanging out with Fulton was the first thing he'd done with them in over a month. Charlie was also extremely worried because school started next week. Thankfully, his mother worked most of the day but there were still her days off to consider.

She must've seen the worried look on his face because she kissed his hand gently. "You're the best son ever, you know that, right?"

 _If I was you wouldn't be getting hit,_ he thought to himself. Instead, he smiled gently and said. "Yep,"

"You're the sweetest boy in the world, the way you look after me and all your friends. You try so hard at everything - you're so good. You're so brave. So, so kind. Better sense of right and wrong then any boy I've known in my whole life. And I love you,"

Charlie smiled and kissed her head. "All that's because of you, ma."

Little did he know that those were the same things that made Adam love him as well.

 


	3. confusion & corresponding

"Are you sure I should now? I mean . . . it's the first day of school. She's probably busy . . ." Goldberg stuttered.

Ken and Dwayne stood beside him, massaging his arms to amp him up.

"Nope. I talked to her this morning, she says she's totally free today. Ask her now. Perfect timing. I know for a fact Averman hasn't asked her yet," Ken insisted.

Goldberg stopped staring at Julie from across the hallway and turned to Ken. "How do you know?"

"Russ. He says Averman's not planning on asking her for another few days,"

"Perfect opportunity! And if you ask me, y'all make a better couple then a hen and a rooster," said Dwayne.

Goldberg and Ken were used to Dwayne's bad puns at this point so they just ignored it. Goldberg was quickly regretting making this bet with Averman. Julie was pretty much the scariest girl in the world (aside from Connie, but he'd never be stupid enough to ask her out) and on top of that, she'd just been cheated on. Would she really be open to going out with him so quickly after that? He looked back over to her. She looked pretty and on top of that, she looked happy. She was standing against her locker laughing with Connie about something. If he asked her now, she'd be in a good enough mood that she might even consider.

"Alright," Goldberg said finally. "I'm gonna do it,"

Ken and Dwayne patted him on the shoulders. "Good luck, man," said Ken.

"Hope she says yes," said Dwayne.

Goldberg popped the collar of his shirt, took a deep breath and walked across the hall. Julie and Connie both turned to him when he reached them. He really, really wanted to do this without Connie there but there was no way that was going to happen.

"Hey, Goldberg. Excited for practice today?" asked Julie. "Your first year on Varsity!"

Connie snorted into her hand. It was a known fact that Goldberg was more than a little let down that Julie was the Varsity goalie while he was stuck on JV.

He decided not to make a snarky comment though. "Yep. Super excited. Hopefully Orion gives me some time in the net today,"

"Doubt that'll happen," Connie smirked.

He could give her a dirty look though. "Just like I doubt you'll get anywhere past third line, Moreau,"

She rolled her eyes. "Ugh. What do you even want, Goldberg? Shouldn't you be in the cafeteria? It is lunch time."

"Actually . . . I'm here to ask Julie something."

Julie and Connie exchanged looks of confusion. "Okay, you never call me Julie. What's up? Am I about to die and I just don't know it?" she said with a smile.

Goldberg took a deep breath. "Uh . . . no. I hope not. I'm here to ask you if maybe . . . you want to go out with me tomorrow?"

Connie turned her head and he could tell that she was trying not to laugh. Julie hit her playfully in the arm, but she herself looked more than a little surprised. There was an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds.

"Is this a joke or something? Are one of the guys paying you to be an asshole?"

He was a terrible liar, he knew that. "What? Paid? Of course not." And that wasn't making it any less obvious. "I just really like you. A lot. I have for like . . . years. Since freshmen year. And you know – senior year. Two goalies, one team, just like the old days. Figured maybe it was time to uh, work up some courage, ask you out."

There. That sounded pretty truthful, even if there was a lot of mumbling. He looked at Dwayne and Ken from the corner of his eye and saw them nodding and smiling.

Connie stopped laughing and took the collar of his shirt in her hand. "Is this a joke? Because you're never fucking serious about anything and you do realize that Zack just fucking cheated on her and if you're being a dick, I will kick your ass. And I'm actually being serious this time,"

It made him feel sort of bad that Connie was right and that he was indeed a dick. But a bet was a bet, and Averman had promised him sixty bucks if he won. What could he do? He needed the money.

"I'm not being a dick. I genuinely, really like her. Julie Gaffney is all I think about – she's like number one babe, super coolest girl ever. And . . . she's a better goalie then me,"

Connie and Julie both eyed each other again. This was the first time Goldberg had ever admitted that. He had to be serious.

Julie bit her lip. "I, uh . . . I guess it could be fun. You want to do it Saturday?"

Goldberg's face lit up. "Really? Uh, yeah sure."

"Is it cool if we do a double date, though?"

It didn't really matter. "Okay. Adam and Jessica?"

"No. Connie and . . . whoever,"

Connie hit Julie on the arm and she hit her back. There was literally nothing she felt like doing less then going on some shitty date that involved Goldberg of all people. "Fuck no,"

"Yeah, I agree. I mean, who's she gonna bring? Some asshole from the fucking lacrosse team?" Goldberg insisted.

Julie looked at Connie pleadingly. She didn't even want to go on this date – she was really just doing it to be nice. She couldn't ask Adam because she was slowly trying to get him to break it off with Jessica, and Connie was her other best friend. Her not having a date didn't mean anything. She'd find one. She just couldn't let Goldberg get excited about the prospect of a one on one thing first.

"Uh, no. She's uh . . . she's bringing Guy,"

Connie said nothing because she wanted to be a good friend. She tried her best to give a fake smile, confirming this statememnt. Goldberg raised his eyebrows, surprised. "Really? And . . . his  _girlfriend_ is okay with this?"

She groaned loudly. "Obviously, we'd go as friends, idiot,"

Goldberg made a pretend shocked face. "Really? You can go out as just friends with a guy?"

He could hear Ken and Dwayne gasp like he should've been expecting a kick to the nuts, but Connie didn't even make a face. She was used to the guys calling her a slut. It wasn't even a big deal to her at this point.

Once she said nothing, Goldberg turned back to Julie. "So, tomorrow then?"

Julie shrugged. "Yeah, what the hell. Could be fun,"

"Alright, uh. So, I'll pick you up then?"

Julie looked at Connie, who was playing with her hair and not paying attention. "Um . . . just . . . I'll meet you there. Where are we going?"

"TGIFridays. 6 o'clock. Quality dining if I do say so myself,"

"Okay. See you later," Julie said, finishing the conversation so that he'd go away. Goldberg smiled and walked off.

Connie watched him walk off and then hit Julie lightly on the shoulder. "I can't take Guy with me to your dinner thing! Are you insane?"

"Well, why not? I have to go on a date with fucking  _Goldberg?_ Do you think I really want to go?"

"You don't have to! You could've said no!"

"I couldn't do that! You heard him – he really likes me," Julie said.

Connie made a face. "And you couldn't volunteer Adam to go with you?"

Julie knew she couldn't tell Connie what was really going on with Adam – it was their secret. She knew she just had to make something up. "Because Adam's too soft. I need someone with me to go off if he starts being a douche. I don't think I'm strong enough right now – you know, after what happened with Zack."

That wasn't entirely a lie. She wasn't entirely sold on this whole date with Goldberg thing, and not just because she didn't even really like him that much of a person. She was only really going to be nice. But like, if Goldberg for whatever reason did try to make a move – she shuddered – she'd have Connie there so she'd have an excuse to leave.

Connie sighed. "How am I supposed to ask Guy to go with me? We've hardly talked at all since he and Alexa started going out."

"Connie, it's Guy. He's like the nicest guy in the world. He's not going to say no."

"He has every reason to though! It's a double date, he has a girlfriend, we used to go out,"

"Yeah, like a million years ago," Julie said even though she knew it was a lie. Even when Connie and Guy weren't going out, they were going out. "Like you said at the party, you're over him. He's over you. Just go as friends."

"Why do I have to go with Guy? Why can't I just bring someone else?"

Julie made a face. "Because . . . um, you said that you weren't going to be as . . . um . . . you know . . . out there . . . as you were . . ."

Connie nodded. "So you think that if I ask anyone else out that I'll take them home and fuck them?"

She said nothing.

Connie sighed. "Yeah. Okay. Whatever. I'll ask him. Just remember that I did this for you next time I need something,"

Julie leaned forward and pulled her into a quick hug. "Thank you. I love you, okay, and I owe you."

* * *

The first hockey practice of the year went well. Adam was really proud of himself, and he usually criticized every single move he made. One of the highlights of practice was the news that Julie and Goldberg were going out the following day and for whatever reason, Averman was really annoyed about it. Connie, also, seemed to be in a particularly sad mood and hadn't said anything the entire time, not even when Portman made a comment about one of her passes.

The locker room was particularly loud that day. Everyone was super excited about getting back into hockey and being seniors. And even though no one was saying anything, it wasn't lost on anyone that this was their last first practice together. Adam figured that maybe that was why everyone seemed so happy, because they didn't waste the little time that they had left together.

Adam always took the longest getting ready after practice. Although it did take him a while to get dressed, he tried to delay everything as long as possible because the only person slower than him was Charlie, and he'd take any chance he could to talk to him alone. They hadn't really talked one on one all summer, so he was happier than he cared to admit.

Once Russ left and the two of them were alone, Charlie smiled at him. "I feel like we haven't talked in forever, man. How are you? How was your summer? How are your folks?"

Adam tied his shoes slowly. "Um, yeah, it has been a while. I'm good. It was good. They're good."

"Everything's good," Charlie chuckled.

"Yep. Uh, how are you? I, um, didn't see you at Jessica's party on Friday," Adam said, trying to act like he hadn't noticed.

"Uh, yeah, I was kind of busy at home," It kind of made Charlie happy that Adam had noticed that he wasn't there with the rest of the team. The rest of the guys on the team never even would've noticed.

"Oh, uh, that's . . . cool. I uh, hope everything's okay."  _Why wouldn't everything be okay? Idiot,_ Adam mentally slapped himself.

"Yeah, it's good," Charlie smiled, feeling like it was obvious that he was lying. "Um, so uh, how's Jessica? I haven't really asked you about her."

Adam blushed and was pretty sure that it was completely obvious how embarrassed he was. Talking to Charlie about Jessica felt kind of dirty, wrong even. "She's good, yeah. Uh, she's really nice."

"Yeah, she is. I've met her," Charlie said like it was obvious.

Adam nodded. "Oh, yeah, I knew that,"

"So, like, how did you guys get together?" said Charlie, off the t shirt he wore underneath his jersey. Adam looked away instantly, afraid that he was going to get caught staring because that was all he wanted to do. He literally had to think about how they'd gotten together because he couldn't think clearly until Charlie put another shirt on.

"Um," he was sure that it was super obvious that he'd been distracted by a shirtless Charlie and that was why he hadn't answered. "Uh, it just kind of happened. Like we hung out a lot and then we just kind of decided to go out, I guess."

"Yeah, that's usually how it happens," said Charlie.

"Yep,"

Adam quickly finished tying his shoes, worried that Charlie could somehow see right through him and suddenly knew his deepest, most well kept secret. It was stupid, ridiculous even, but the constant paranoia that Charlie was going to figure him out, and confide that information to one of the other players who would then tell everyone else, scared him more than anything. The terrifying feeling was more powerful than anything – well, almost anything. The feeling Adam got in his stomach whenever Charlie even glanced his way overpowered every other emotion.

"Uh, yeah, I'm gonna go. Gotta go home – call my girlfriend. All that," Adam said and hurried out.

"Okay, man, yeah – see ya –"

Adam practically slammed the locker room door behind him, panting heavily as he walked at top speed to the parking lot. Charlie was so beautiful, he was the most beautiful thing in the world. He was so kind, the first person to accept him onto the Ducks, the first person to treat him like he was one of them. He was the only real person in the whole world – he understood people and always tried to help and didn't make stupid jokes like every other boy he knew. Charlie was every single good thing that Adam could think of and the only thing in the world Adam wanted to do was hold his hand. If he could just do that, have a moment alone with him, where things could just be, he wouldn't have to worry about anything, freak out like he'd done in there. He could just hold Charlie's hand and they could sit together and maybe talk about stupid things that they wouldn't normally talk about like their feelings about everything. Their feelings for each other would never be said, though, because they both had a clear understanding of the other.

Adam tried to ignore the tears in his eyes as he walked to his car.

* * *

Connie loved Julie and that was the only reason she was doing this. Everyone on the team called her a bitch and talked about how mean she was, but none of them would've done anything this embarrassing for anyone. (Connie sometimes felt bad that everyone felt like she was a bitch. She'd had a rough attitude since she was a kid because she needed to let the boys know that they couldn't pick on her. Plus, it wasn't like she was flat out being awful to them – they were like her brothers and even if she insulted to their faces, she'd kill to defend them behind their backs.)

As bad as an evening with Goldberg was, especially without Russ and Portman there to make fun of him, that was nothing compared to having to spend the night with Guy. Before March, she would've been more than happy to hang out with him – he was her favorite person in the world, whether she'd tell him that or not. But now . . . things weren't the way they were before. Guy had a girlfriend, something that she never in all the time she'd known him, thought she'd say. And it wasn't like Alexa was awful, she was really nice and funny and super supportive of Guy and Connie couldn't think of one thing to dislike about her. Well, there was the fact that she hadn't spoken to Guy one on one since they'd started dating, but that was more their fault than hers.

Connie changed quickly after practice so that she could ask Guy then rather than later. She left the rink and waited right outside the door so that she could catch him before he left. It usually took him only a few minutes to get changed, but it felt like an eternity before she saw the familiar patch of light blonde hair.

"Guy!" she called out.

He turned around and smiled at her, "Hey, Connie," he turned and walked towards her. "Sorry, I didn't get a chance to say hello today, how are you?" And before she knew it, his arms were around her and he was pulling her into a tight hug. She didn't even really register it for a second because she was so used to touching him, but it had been so long that she welcomed it more than she usually would've.

Connie let go and blushed, "Uh, yeah it has been a while. I'm good, you're good, I'm assuming?"

"Yep, things are actually going pretty well for me right now," he said.

She couldn't help but feel a little hurt by that, knowing that that definitely had something to do with Alexa. "So, what's up?" he said when she didn't say anything.

"Oh, yeah," Connie cleared her throat. "Um, well, you heard about Julie and Goldberg, right?"

Guy made a face. "Yeah, that's really weird. Does she owe him a favor or something?"

"She's trying to be nice. Pretty cool of her considering it is Goldberg," Connie said. "So anyway, she said she would only do it if I went with her and she said that I was bringing you . . . so . . . uh . . . you know . . . would you go with me?"

He said nothing at first, and it looked like he was blushing, which made Connie's heart race.  _He's so cute,_ she thought and then immeaditely regretted it. "Look," she said when he didn't answer right away. "I know you have a girlfriend and that you probably don't want to but it's not even a real date for Julie and Goldberg anyway so it wouldn't be for us and I can't bring anyone else because Julie thinks I'll sleep with them and I know I won't sleep with you because I care about you and –"

Guy laughed and held up a hand to stop her rambling. "No, it's cool. You don't have to explain. Of course I'll go with you."

Connie's face lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah, of course. It'll be fun, we haven't really hung out in a while,"

She jumped forward and wrapped her arms around him, elicting a laugh from him. He hugged her back.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Connie said as they pulled apart. "Even if it wasn't best for me to go with you, there's really no one I'd rather suffer through a terrible night with,"

"Yeah, so do you want me to pick you up or - ?"

"Oh, um, Julie and I are gonna meet you guys at the restaurant – TGIFridays at 6,"

Guy's eyes widened. "Wait, seriously? That place is pretty fancy . . . well, you know for us,"

"Yeah. Which is what makes me think that Goldberg may actually like Julie and this isn't just some stupid joke," she said. Guy looked a little worried and then she remembered that he was more than likely planning on paying on for both of them, and she knew that Guy had less money than everyone else on the team – and that was saying a lot.

"Oh, um, yeah, we're splitting the bill, obviously. I mean, if that wasn't obvious – we're not dating, you don't have to pay,"

Guy smirked. "How do you know I was planning on not paying in the first place?"

Connie's cheeks reddened. "Because I know you and I know you'd never make a woman pay even if you couldn't afford it."

Guy smiled back at her and looked at the ground and then back up. "Are you sure you're okay with splitting it? I can uh, find some way to pull some money together if you're not . . ."

"Guy, yes, I'm sure," Connie said, assuring him. "I'll meet you there, we'll laugh, have fun, split the bill. Everything's cool,"

He nodded. "Alright, cool. I'm excited. It'll be nice to get to hang out again - even if Goldberg's going to spend all night trying to hook up with Julie,"

Connie shuddered. "Really hope that doesn't happen,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please make sure to review!


	4. realizations & romance (sort of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hi guys! Sorry for not updating for a while. Hope you enjoy :)

      Averman was beyond pissed off when he heard about Goldberg and Julie’s date. He kept going on and on when the guys were out for pizza that night about how he should’ve been the one who got to take her out, to which everyone but Portman found amusing. (“What makes you think Julie wants to go out with either of your dumbasses? She’s probably just trying to be nice,”)

   Goldberg, however, was more than a little bit nervous about their date that night. Yeah, it wasn’t a real date and he knew that (but if you asked him, he’d tell you that it was) but it was still a date – his second in his entire life since he counted kissing Agatha Berenson at her bat mitzfah. Plus, Connie and Guy were going to be there and he didn’t feel like watching Connie make googly eyes at Guy all night and throwing jabs at him any chance she could. His only real goal in all of this was to sleep with Julie – but he wasn’t even all that excited about that. He liked Julie a lot, but it was more like as a sister than anything, which was pretty disgusting if he thought about it. He had kind of just been joking when he’d made the bet but Averman took it seriously and Russ and Ken and Dwayne and Fulton and Portman were all there and he couldn’t just say that he was kidding with all of them watching. Goldberg’s only way out of this was to somehow convince Julie into sleeping with him (which he knew wasn’t going to happen) or lie and tell everyone that he did.

   He picked Guy up early so that they could talk before they went in. He needed to make sure that he had at least one person on his side in case Connie starting PMSing or something on him and Julie took her side.

   Guy was smiling as per usual as he basically skipped out of his house and into Goldberg’s parents’ van. “Hey, man. You nervous?” he asked.

   Goldberg shrugged. “More about Connie than Julie,”

   “Really, why? Connie’s so nice,” Goldberg started the van and rolled his eyes. He should’ve expected this – in all time that he’d known Guy, he never had anything really bad to say about Connie.

   “Okay, man, if you want to be delusional, it’s fine, okay. She’s always fucking yelling at me, always fucking complaining for no reason and I’m hoping she’s fine tonight because you and Julie will be there and I’ve never heard her yell at either of you, but like if she does start bitching I need you to be on my side,”

   Guy raised his eyebrow. “Um . . . I don’t know . . .”

   “Dude, come on, you don’t need to take her side. She dumped you like four years ago,” he said, exasperated.

   “Who said that I’m taking her side?” said Guy, obviously a bit annoyed by Goldberg’s words. “I just meant that like . . . you know, I think you’re looking for reasons as to why this date could go bad for you. And instead of thinking that might have something to do with you, you’re blaming it on Connie,”

   Guy gave him a knowing look and Goldberg knew immediately that Guy knew about the bet. How could he not know? Goldberg had made a point of making sure Adam and Guy were not there last night because he knew that they’d go off and tell Connie and Julie about the bet. But Dwayne knew about it and he was more than likely to let something slip to either of them.

   Goldberg sighed, figuring it was better to just admit to it rather than lie. “So you know then?”

   Guy nodded. “Obviously. Nice try hiding it from me, though. I mean, what did you think I was gonna do?”

   “Tell them,”

   He shrugged. “I want to but I have a thing about not getting into other people’s business. Plus, I mean, you can’t hurt her or anything because Connie’ll be there and she’d kick your ass,”

   “Just, can you just . . . be there for me? Gay as that sounds?” Goldberg asked, almost desperate for some sort of confirmation.

“You don’t need me to help you not fuck up. You have to do that for yourself. I’m just here because Connie asked me to be, not because I want to take any part in your misogynistic scheme,”

Goldberg bit his lip and looked away, angry at Guy’s words but knowing that he was right. He kept driving and tried to think about the confidence he was going to have to portray to keep up this charade. 

* * *

 

Connie and Julie arrived at the restaurant early. They were both dressed casually in jeans, both wearing a touch of makeup. (“I feel really bad, if this is a big deal for Goldberg then I should at least try for him,” Julie explained.) The two of them sat on a bench outside the place, Connie listening to Julie tell an animated story about some jerk off she’d talked to in her math class that day.

But while they’re both sitting there, the strangest thing happens. Averman of all people, shows up, holding a bouquet of roses and wearing a tuxedo. The girls almost don’t realize that it’s him at first, until he gets closer to them. “Ladies,” he says in a low, deep voice that neither of them recognizes from him.

“Averman?” Julie laughs. “What are you doing here?”

“Hot date?” Connie comments. “Just kidding. I know your mom works super late,”  
   Averman ignores Connie and gets down on one knee in front of Julie. Julie looks over at Connie, surprised, with her mouth wide open. Connie shakes her head and says nothing, too done with all of this to even comment.

“Julie Gaffney, oh beautiful Julie Gaffney, where for art tho Julie Gaffney? Oh, she is my lady, oh she is my love. Beautiful woman, better goalie,” he pronounces in the same deep voice. He holds out the bouquet for her and she takes them, awkwardly. “I have come here today to this lovely establishment – waiting outside of course because it would be rude of me to wait until you meet dear Gregory – to invite you to a dinner with me. At The Capitol Grill, a week from tonight,”

Julie says nothing for a moment. Averman takes her hand and kisses it and then she quickly pulls it away, “Okay, what? What is going on . . . is this a prank? You can’t afford The Capitol Grill.”

“Of course not, fair, fair Julie. I would never prank such a lovely lady such as yourself,”

She bit her lip and closed her eyes, annoyed because she knew she was going to have to say yes to Averman too to not seem like a terrible person. Thankfully, Connie sensed that she was uncomfortable. “Do you and Goldberg have some sort of fucked up rivalry going on for Julie? Because if you do just admit it now so we could all just forget about this,”

Averman had known Connie his whole life, he knew that she could read him and that’s what scared him. “Of course not! Why would you think that?”

“Because you two are idiots and it makes no sense that after how many years you’re asking her out at the exact time,”

“I do not know anything of Gregory’s intentions, but I have been waiting for dear Julie to be single so that I may take her on a date somewhere,” Averman explained.

Julie put the flowers on her lap and sighed, “Let’s not draw this out any further. I’ll go out with you.”

Averman’s face lit up, “Yeeeees! Julio! Julia Julia Julio Julie –“ he caught his regular attitude and cleared his throat. “I mean, Julie, thank you. I promise that this will be the night of your dreams –“

“Averman, what the fuck?” The three of them looked behind Averman to see Goldberg and Guy walking towards them. Goldberg looked pissed – more pissed than the girls could ever remember seeing him.

“Oh, hello, Gregory. Guy. I’m just here, enjoying this beautiful night with some beautiful women. Is that such a crime,” Averman was hamming it up as much as possible, which was obvious to everyone.

“Dude, get the fuck out. Can I please just have this night? You missed your chance,”

Averman made a face. “Oh, really? Because the lovely Miss Gaffney just agreed to an evening with me at The Capitol Grill,”

Guy raised his eyebrows, Connie rolled her eyes and Goldberg practically choked on his own saliva, but none of them said anything. Averman smiled, “Well, my time here is done. Enjoy your night here, ladies, gentleman, Goldberg.”

He walked off, straightening the lapel on his jacket, leaving Julie with the bouquet of roses in her lap and Guy and Goldberg staring awkwardly at her.

* * *

 

Goldberg hardly said two words all night. He was beyond irritated that Averman had gone out of his way to ruin this for him, and even more irritated that Julie had actually said yes while she was out with him. He knew it was stupid to be angry, especially because this whole thing was just a scheme, but he was. He also knew that being annoyed was ruining this date for him and he knew that Guy had been right about him ruining this for himself – but he was far too stubborn to admit that.

Julie was incredibly uncomfortable. She’d tried to start a conversation with Goldberg numerous times, but every time she did, he’d just rebuff her attempts. She looked to Connie for help once, but she was too preoccupied giggling at one of Guy’s lame stories that wasn’t even funny. Eventually, Julie decided that it was better to just pay attention to her food and listen to her friends rather than attempt to talk to her date.

Connie was having the most fun she’d had in a while. She was listening to Guy tell tales of when he and his hippie parents drove out to see the Grand Canyon in their small car over the summer intently, hanging on every word. She hadn’t realized how much she missed hearing him talk, hearing his stories that were always nothing but innocent and brought a positive light into her life that only he could bring her.

Guy had forgotten how comfortable he was with Connie. He’d forgotten that she was his best friend and that every time he spoke to her his day brightened up. She was the only one of his friends who liked hearing about his family, liked hearing about all of the weird things they did together. It was only when he said something stupid and Connie laughed and said, “you’re so cute!” that he got uncomfortable. He knew that she probably hadn’t meant anything by it, but it still didn’t stop him from thinking about Alexa. Would she be okay with hearing Connie say that to him? Was it a really not a big deal and he was just overreacting?

* * *

 

Goldberg drives everyone home in his parents’ van. Connie and Julie are gabbing away in the backseat about the team that they’re versing next week – Julie still uncomfortable – but trying to hide it and Guy saying nothing, looking out the window. He drops Connie and Guy off at their respective houses and then Julie hops into the front seat as he drives her back to the dorms. It’s silent until they arrive back at the school and Julie finally turns to him and says, “I really don’t understand why you’re upset with me. I thought you were really excited about this,”

He takes a deep breath. “I was. And then Averman ruined it,”

She nods, “Yeah, I mean, I guess it was pretty rude of him to ask me out on our date. He could’ve done it on Monday . . . or really any other time,”

“Then why’d you say yes?” he asks, bitterly.

“The same reason I said yes to you. You’re both my friends. I’m not choosing one over the other,”

Goldberg sighs. He knows he shouldn’t be disappointed, but he is. He’d made a complete ass of himself, Julie had no reason to like him and yet he was still hoping she would. That any girl would.

“I’m sorry I ruined our date with my pathetic sulking,” he says.

Julie smiles shyly. “It’s okay. It wasn’t even that bad, I had fun.”

“With Connie and Guy, though. I didn’t even talk,”

“They barely talked to me! Connie was too busy twirling her hair and giggling –“

“And Guy was too busy pretending he didn’t notice,” he added.

Julie giggled. “So I was pretty much alone all night, I guess. At least the food was good. Thank you for paying, by the way,”

He shrugged. “Least I can do for being such an asshole,”

She hesitated for a moment and then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. He looked back at her almost in shock, but said nothing. Julie smiled, and it was then that for the first time that he truly saw her for what she was – not just a hockey player, not just someone that he needed to fight over the goal with, not just a beautiful girl – a person. A kind, naïve person who he was taking advantage of.

Julie opened the car door. “Well, I’ll uh, see you on Monday, Goldberg.”

“Julie,” he calls for her.

She turned.

“Um, thank you. For saying yes. You’re really cool,”

She nodded, “Yeah, you too. But I’ve always thought that – you know, really deep down under all the snark you were,”

Goldberg feels himself blush and Julie closes the door and he watched her walk back into her building. She waved to him just before going inside.

It didn’t matter what the guys thought of him. He decided right then that he wouldn’t say that he slept with Julie. He’d have far more respect for himself – the amount of respect Julie seemed to have for him – if he didn’t say anything. If he told the truth and didn’t take Averman’s money.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, please leave reviews! They let me know that you like the story and give me motivation to continue. Preview of the next chapter: Yet another party at Jessica's and Charlie reveals something about his sexuality ;)


	5. sexuality & seduction

      Orion was tiring all of the Ducks out majorly. He said that since this was their last year here, they needed to be sure to make an impact on their school. They’d never won a Varsity championship with the full team before and winning it together would be a big deal for them. They’d all learned not to complain to Orion at this point, but Russ could be heard muttering under his breath and Dwayne even made the occasional comment that didn’t make much sense but could qualify as a complaint.

   After practice, they found Jessica outside of the rink. “Adam!” she jumped up and waved as they began skating out. He approached her and kissed her gently, “Hey, what are you doing here?”

   She held up a pile of red envelopes. “My parents are out of town,” she motioned for the Ducks not to file into the locker room by clapping a few times. A few of them gave her a dirty look, but didn’t press the issue. “You’re all invited to my house tomorrow night,”

   “Didn’t you just have a party?” asked Ken.

   Jessica nodded. “My parents go out of town a lot. But hey, more fun for us right?”

   Portman immeaditely took an envelope from her, followed by Averman, Goldberg, Luis and Russ. Luis winked at her and she giggled, but Adam was too distracted watching Charlie to notice. He was walking right into the locker room without taking one.

   “These are plus one, right?” asked Guy. “I can bring my girlfriend again?”

   Jessica smiled. “Of course! The more the merrier,”

   The team eventually filed back into the locker room, leaving only Charlie’s invite with Jessica. She turned to Adam, “How come Charlie Conway never wants to come over? Does he not like me?”

   Adam shook his head. “No, I think he’s just busy,”

   “Do you think you can try to get him to come? All of the girls on the team think he’s really hot. He broke up with Shelley right?” Jessica asked. Charlie had indeed broken up with Shelley at the end of last year school year, then Mary before that, then Lucy before that, then Linda before that. Adam wasn’t really interested in inviting Charlie to come just to hook him up with a new girl, but at the same time, he wasn’t about to seem suspicious by saying no.

   “I can try. You know, anything for you,” he forced a smile and Jessica leaned up to kiss him.

   “You’re the bestest. We’re still having lunch tomorrow?”

   He nodded.

   Jessica kissed him again and then handed him Charlie’s invitation. “I gotta go, my dad’s waiting. Call me tonight, okay?”

   “Of course,”

   She waved in a cute way that he would’ve appreciated if he was attracted to her, or if he wasn’t focused on Charlie surrounded by a bunch of pretty girls who all wanted to go out with him. The thought made Adam practically sick to his stomach. And still, Charlie was usually girl crazy and he hadn’t brought up anyone and hadn’t even seen him leaning up against the lockers flirting with anyone. Maybe he wanted to be single this year. And Adam knew that he’d enjoy the party a lot more even if he could just catch a glimpse of him laughing with the guys while Jessica pulled him upstairs to her room.

   He entered the locker room to see all the guys talking about the party (“I’m gonna get so much pussy,” said Russ. “Yeah, you wish,” Goldberg remarked).

   “Your girlfriend is so cool, Banksy. A party every other week,” said Portman.

   “Don’t know what she sees in you, though,” Russ joked.

   Charlie wasn’t laughing with the rest of the guys and Adam took a deep breath before approaching him. “Um, Jessica wanted me to give you this. She said she really wants you to come,”

   He raised his eyebrows at Adam. “Me? Why?”

   Adam almost answered but thankfully Guy interrupted, “I heard a couple of cheerleaders talking about you at lunch yesterday. That’s probably why,”

   Charlie blushed and continued undressing. “That’s nice,” was all he said.

   “C’mon man, why don’t you come?” asked Luis.

   He shrugged. “Got a lot of homework I guess,”

   “It’s a Friday night. Who does homework on a Friday night?”

   Fulton stepped in and Adam was thankful. He was usually able to convince Charlie to do things he didn’t want to do. “Charlie, just come. We’ll all be there, it’ll only be for a few hours. You need a break, dude.”

   “Plus there’s mad bitches waiting for you there,” Portman chimed in.

   Charlie sighed. “I guess I can come for a little while,”  
   The boys clapped and Fulton patted him on the back.

   “But just for a little while!” he insisted.

* * *

At Jessica’s party the next night, things were as strangely calm for a party like they usually were. There was an obvious seperation between the lacrosse team and the hockey team, and Connie was making a point of sitting with Guy and Alexa, but other than it was all pretty tame.

   Jessica was in the kitchen making pizza rolls for everyone, and the guys on the Ducks plus Julie sat in the basement in a circle playing Would You Rather?. It was all the same usual drty questions, which guys like Portman and Goldberg answered loudly and proudly, and which guys like Adam and Dwayne blushed at and mumbled whatever answer the majority of the guys did.

   It wasn’t until it was Luis’ turn that things reached the uncomfortable vibe they usually did whenever they played this game. “Would you rather spend life in prison or be gay?”

   Dwayne smiled, “Obviously I want to be happy,”

   Julie put her hand on his shoulder and giggled. “No, Dwayne, gay as in like boys the way you like girls,”

   “Oh . . . well . . . am I still happy?” he asked Luis.

   “I don’t know how happy you can be being a fag but I guess,”

   Adam could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, embarrassed and uncomfortable. He tried to focus on Julie next to him rather than the silence that spoke a thousand words from the other guys.

   “Then I’d want to be gay, I guess,”

   Only Julie smiled. The rest of the guys either said nothing or made a face.

   “What the fuck?” said Portman. “You’d want to fuck a dude?”

   “Disgusting, man,” Luis commented.

   Dwayne turned his head and sighed, “Well, I don’t want to go to jail,”

   “Leave him alone. There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” Julie insisted.

   Fulton made a face. “It’s just weird,”

   “And gross,” Luis added.

   “And unnatural,” said Goldberg.

   “Actually,” Ken piped up for the first time. “Homosexuality is completely natural. It’s something you’re born with. Kind of like being an asshole, Goldberg,”

   Adam smiled appreciatively.

   “Exactly. If I was gay would you stop talking to me or something?” Julie added.

   “If you were gay I’d follow you everywhere with a camera to catch you and your girl making out,” Portman smirked.

   Adam rolled his eyes. “Leave her alone, man,”

   “What if it was me?” Charlie asked finally.

   Everyone turned to look at him silently. “I mean, like what if one day I told you guys I had a boyfriend. Would that be it, would you all just drop me like a fly?”

“Wait, you’re gay?” asked Russ.

   Charlie sighed. “I didn’t say that. But I also didn’t say no. I’m open minded, you know? Like one day, if I fell in love with a guy it wouldn’t mean much to me. And if it would mean much to you guys then you’re pretty shitty friends,”

   “Well said, Charlie,” said Julie.

   Adam felt his heart drop in his chest. _I’m open minded._ For the first time, it crossed Adam’s mind that Charlie might not be straight. He certainly wasn’t gay but he could be something else. Something else that was attracted to guys, something that was attracted to him.

   The thought immeaditely made him feel guilty. Jessica was right upstairs and they were planning on doing it later. But still, he couldn’t help it. He loved Charlie and as much as he would’ve loved to deny it, he couldn’t. Adam made an effort to ignore Julie’s knowing glance at him.

   “As the captain of this team, I’m telling you guys that discrimination isn’t gonna be tolerated. So if you have anything to say, say it to me so I can report it,” Charlie insisted.

   The guys went quiet at that point, realizing how seriously Charlie seemed to be taking this whole situation. Adam’s heart soared in his chest, thankful that Charlie was a real person. 

* * *

 

   It’s towards the end of the night. Connie and Julie left together a little while ago, Adam was upstairs with Jessica and hadn’t been heard from for a few hours, Russ and Averman are drunk off their asses and making lame jokes.

   Portman’s wasted, like he usually is at this point. Fulton is somewhat sober, but only somewhat. They’re in the basement talking to a few cheerleaders who are just as drunk as them and stumbling on their words.

   He’s calm, he’s relaxed, the way that he only is when he’s on something. Portman hated admitting it, but he loved his teammates and getting to spend Friday nights with them was one of his favorite things in the world. There were few things he liked more, one of them being a certain team mate’s bright smile. When he’s drunk, he ends up letting everyone know he loves them, hanging all over Guy and Connie’s shoulders, leaning on Dwayne.

   He’s not known to be an angry drunk in the slightest. It isn’t until that night that it comes out for the first time.

   Goldberg and Ken walk into the basement with their red solo cups, talking. He listens in, unbeknownst to them.

   “So things went well with Julie last week?” Ken asked.

   Goldberg shrugged. “Think I kinda fucked up, but it was cool. She’s cool,”

   Ken nodded, “And beautiful. It’s not every day you get a date with a beautiful girl,”

   “The Cat Lady certainly is a fine specimen,” he chuckled.

   “What did you say, Goldberg?” Portman stuttered out, throwing his own cup to the side angrily.

   Goldberg and Ken looked at him strangely. “Just that you know, Julie’s cute,”

   “Yeah? And what gives the right to say that? She only went out with you to be nice,” he insisted, talking somewhat above normal final volume. He caught Fulton’s attention, who walked away from the girl he was talking to listen to the situation.

   “Man, all I said was that she’s cute. Would you rather I lie and say she was ugly?”

   Portman practically jumped in his face. “I’d rather you not say anything at all, asshole,”

   Fulton put a hand on his friend’s back, “Whoa, Portman, calm down, man.”

   Kenny too, nodded. “It’s alright – uh, come on, let’s just go upstairs,” he reached for Goldberg.

   “No, what the fuck is your problem, man?” Goldberg demanded. “You’ve been trying to start shit with me for weeks,”

   Portman shoved him on instict. “Fuck you,” was all he said in retaliation.

   Goldberg shoved him back, which caused Portman to punch him square in the face. A couple of the girls squealed and Fulton immeaditely grabbed Portman and pulled him away from Goldberg who was being held back by Ken. “Don’t fucking come near her!” Portman stuttered out.

   “You’re such a fucking prick, man!” Goldberg yelled. Thankfully for him, Luis and Dwayne came downstairs and were able to help Ken take him upstairs and away from Portman who probably would’ve killed him otherwise.

   Once everything had calmed down, Fulton led his friend over to the couch to sit down. Portman began tearing at a piece of his t shirt, trying to rip off tiny bits of it. “What was that?” Fulton asked him.

   He said nothing, closing his eyes, trying to calm down.

   “Portman, dude, what happened? What did he say to you?”

   “Not to me,” he slurred out. “About Julie,”

   Fulton leaned away from him and then nodded knowingly. “Oh . . . I see,”

   Portman tore at the same place on his shirt, frustrated. “It’s just . . . why the fuck did the Cat go out with him? He’s such a fucking piece of shit . . .”

   “He’s your friend, don’t say that,” Fulton said, attempting t calm him.

   “It’s true. Julie can do so much better.”

   “You mean like you?”

   Portman turned away from his shirt so fast it took Fulton aback a bit. “What the fuck?”

   “I know you like her. You’re my best friend, of course I know,” he whispered. “It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone,”

   Portman said nothing not confirming confirming or denying the accusation. It wasn’t even a big deal that Fulton knew. He had bigger issues in his life to worry about then his best friend knowing his feelings for a certain goalie.

* * *

 

   Charlie had stayed the entire party, even though he hadn’t planned on it. He worried about his mother the whole time, but she’d assured him before he left that she was working the night shift at the diner and wouldn’t be home until really late. In all honesty, it was nice to get out of the house. He’d missed being able to hang out with his friends outside of school and hockey practice. It was just like old times, like his earlier years in high school where his hardest problems were about girls.

   He stood in the kitchen leaning against the marble island eating chips. Apparently there’d been a fight between Goldberg and Portman earlier and Goldberg had left, pissed off and complaining about how he wasn’t given a fair chance to properly kick his ass. Everyone knew it was bullshit, but it was still all anyone who wasn’t totally shit faced was talking about.

   “So, I’m assuming you heard about what those friends of yours were up to?”

   Charlie turned his head to see Linda standing there, her arms crossed over her chest and her head cocked to the side. He smirked, “What are you doing here? I thought this whole jock party thing wasn’t your scene,”

   They’d broken up towards the end of their freshmen year purely because they’d gotten sick of each other, both stating that they weren’t what the other was looking for. Although it had been mutual, they didn’t really talk much and tended not to say hello to each other in the hallway.

   Linda shrugged. “Eh, what can I say? I love watching idiots get wasted,”

   “Yeah, really sounds like a great way to spend a Friday night,” he said sarcastically.

   She popped a chip into her mouth. “And what are you doing here? I’ve been coming to a lot of these things and you never seem to show up,”

   He turned away from her, biting his lip and then looked back her way. “Been busy I guess,”

   Linda said nothing.

   “Nice of you to notice my absence,” he smirked. She rolled her eyes and hit him playfully.

   “We did go out for a while, Conway. I didn’t erase you from my memory,”

   Charlie felt himself blush. He didn’t say anything to it because he couldn’t think of anything to say.

   “Y’know,” said Linda. “I heard Marcy Evans and Lorraine Williams talking about you in the living room. Word on the street is is that you’re like Eden Hall’s most eligible bachelor,”

   He blushed again. “That’s nice of them,”

   “Wouldn’t expect you to stay single this long. What has it been, like three months since you dumped the last girl?”

   He gave her a look. “What’s it to you?”

   She threw up her hands in defense. “Nothing, I just . . . I’m kind of surprised, if I’m being honest. You’re standing here talking to me instead of flirting with the cheerleaders like you would’ve last year,”

   Charlie sipped from his red solo cup. “Well, I don’t know. I guess I’m not really in the mood for games lately. Plus, I’m not as good at flirting as everyone seems to think I am,”

   “Really? You roped me in,”

   “You were different. The first girl I really liked. Plus, I was kind of an asshole back then. Too cocky or whatever. I still don’t know why you fell for me,”

   “Who said I fell for you?” They looked at each for a second and then Linda laughed, which caused Charlie to laugh as well. “No, you weren’t an asshole. We were fourteen – everyone’s an asshole at fourteen. Plus I guess maybe I thought you were kinda cute,”

   Charlie raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Maybe I thought you were cute too . . . still do,”

   Linda blushed and took another chip. “And I thought you said you were bad at flirting,”

   “Guess not when it comes to you,”

   There’s a silence for a moment, where they’re both looking around awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Charlie’s surprised, if he’s being honest, that Linda’s even talking to him. He thought she hated him, realized that maybe she was right about all jocks being stupid and erased him from her memory. But he wasn’t about to bring that up. He was happy to have a nice moment with her.

   “Charlie,” she turned to him, leaning her hands on the counter top. “I came over here because I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry,”

   “For what?” he asked, confused.

   “I don’t know, honestly. I just feel like it needed to be said, like there’s some sort of underlying tension between us,” Linda explained.

   Charlie bit his lip again. “You don’t need to apologize. It’s probably more my fault then yours anyway. I am kind of a dick,”

   “No,” Linda shook her head. “You’re really great. You’re nice, Charlie. That’s why people like you, you’re a good guy,”

   He rolled his eyes, unconvinced. “That seems to be all people are saying to me lately, but I know they’re wrong. I haven’t done anything to prove myself as one,”

   Linda put her hand on his shoulder. “Really? Do you want me to like, try and prove to you that you are?”

   “Depends on how you would do that,” he smirked, faking confidence.

   She smirked back at him and leaned up suddenly, pressing her lips to his and then pulling away. Linda moved her head to the side, her mouth open, like she was surprised at what she’d just done. Charlie was too. “I can’t believe I just did that,” she said. “I’m sorry,”

   “Don’t be,” he moved her chin so that she was facing him. They eyed each other’s lips and then in what seemed like a split second, their arms were wrapped around each other and their lips were pressed together again.

   It was a full minute, or maybe two or maybe three before they pulled apart. Charlie’s hands on Linda’s waist, Linda’s hands on Charlie’s chest. “Déjà vu,” said Linda.

   “I know what you mean,” he felt dazed and in shock that this was real, that this was happening. He’d hardly talked to Linda in at least two years and now here they were again, making out in some random girl’s kitchen. It was like something right out of a movie, rather than something that was real and happening to him. But he couldn’t deny the fact that he liked it.

   “Was that okay?” Charlie asked before he could stop himself.

   Linda laughed, “No, I hated it. Of course it was okay. You’ve always been a great kisser,”

   He kissed her again, not being able to help himself. “Yeah, you too,”

   “It’s almost like nothing’s changed,” she said, dazed.

   “Wouldn’t it be great if it hadn’t?” Charlie asked, thinking more about how much easier his home life had been freshmen year than about him and Linda. But she seemed to take it as if he meant her, so he went with it.

   She leaned up and kissed him again. Eventually, it led them to the couch in the living room, in front of all the cheerleaders who liked Charlie and who Linda hated and it may have seemed a little rude of them but neither of them could be bothered to care. It was nice to stop caring just for one night.


	6. games & greed

The following Saturday was their first game of the season against the Blake Bears. Adam got there first thing in the morning as he usually did, but was this time accompanied by Julie, who'd slept over at his house the night before (obviously, his parents didn't care. The more girls their son was sleeping with the better. Although, all the two of them had done was eat popcorn and then go to bed super early). After about twenty minutes of the two of them practicing, they headed over to the stands to sit.

"So, uh, there's one thing that we kind of avoided talking about last night," Julie said.

"Why you haven't gone out with Averman yet?"

She laughed a little. "No. He rescheduled for next week – he was too busy . . . being Averman, I guess? Yeah, I don't know, he didn't really give much of an excuse. But anyway, I meant, we haven't talked about . . . the latest gossip . . . involving the Ducks. More specifically, involving Charlie."

Julie hadn't brought up Charlie the night before because she knew it kind of saddened Adam and she wanted a fun night of watching whatever shitty movie was playing on TV and making fun of the acting. But she knew that Linda was probably going to be at the game today and she couldn't just not tell him, leave him completely surprised.

She took a deep breath. "Charlie and Linda. Apparently – and I don't know if this is true, it's just what I've heard, and seen – they're a thing again. Or they're just talking, I don't know,"

Adam nodded and forced a smile, "Yeah, I know. The guys were talking about it over lunch the other day,"

"I'm sorry. I wanted to be the one to tell you but I didn't want to upset you,"

"It's fine, Julie. It's not even a big deal. I mean, I'm with Jessica anyway. It shouldn't matter," he explained. She could tell that he was lying, obviously faking what he was saying but she chose to believe it. Adam putting on a happy face was better then him being outwardly unhappy.

But it was going to come out eventually how unhappy he truly was.

* * *

The team arrives an hour later. Goldberg gives each team mate a fake interview. Charlie tries to get everyone pumped up. Connie checks to make sure everyone's jersey isn't tucked into their pads. Adam goes over plays in his head. It's pretty normal, it's what they do before every game. It's just when he hears Connie say, "So am I gonna get to hang out with Linda again, Charlie?" that Adam's fists tighten. Charlie laughs and shrugs and says, "I don't know,"

"What do you mean you don't know, man?" said Russ. "You ditching us to eat with her on the damn soccer field every day. Yeah, we know. You're not fooling us,"

Adam turned away from the team, trying to ignore the stomachache he could feel coming.

"I like Linda, she's nice," said Ken.

"Nice _and_ hot," Portman reminded him and rustled Charlie's hair. Charlie jokingly shoved him.

"Can we focus on the game? I really don't feel like getting our asses handed to us because you're all too busy thinking with your dicks," Julie asked and Adam silently thanked her.

"Okay, okay, we can focus on the game," said Goldberg. "Is Lady Linda coming today?"

Julie groaned.

"Yeah, she said she is," Charlie smiled.

Dwayne punched him gently in the arm. "Gonna lasso her in with those goal scoring skills, huh, Charlie?"

A couple of the boys started wooping and hollering with Portman spurting out comments like "Gonna score more than just goals today,"

Orion claps his hands loudly to break it up. "Hey, enough of this horsing around! Did you forget you have a game in thirty minutes?"

Everyone instantly shuts up and Charlie apologizes on their behalf. Orion nods simply at him. The stern man cleared his throat and folded his hands behind his back. The room is silent, knowing that he's about to give them a pre-game speech. "So . . . I am sure that you are all aware of the importance of this season. It is your last year of high school, and for many of you, your last year playing hockey. I do not plan on getting sentimental because the point of that would be lost in the emotional value of this game, but um, it has certainly been quite an honor coaching you this past years and I have enjoyed in throughly. So um, I just wanted to say good luck. And I'll see you out there,"

He left quickly and all the Ducks were stuck in the awkwardness of the speech. "That's the most emotional I think I've ever seen him get," said Averman.

"God, imagine what he's gonna be like during our last game," said Connie.

"We really gotta win this one. Not just for us, now. But for Orion. It's obviously really important to him and I don't want us to let him down," Charlie spoke up. All of them nodded in agreement, but didn't say anything. Usually when it came to hockey etiquette, they looked to Charlie. Despite his freshmen year antics (which they often teased him about), he was still their leader, on the ice and off.

Adam caught himself smiling at Charlie, who looked somewhat proud of himself for getting Orion's approval in words.

* * *

The stadium was packed full by the time the Ducks made it out onto the ice and they were welcomed right away with a roaring cheer. Portman and Fulton immeaditely started skating around and banging on the windows, trying to get them even more amped. Russ was whispering something about the Bears' captain, who there'd been many rumors about using steroids; and Goldberg and Averman were cracking loud jokes next to see if the Bears could hear them. Adam wasn't paying attention to any of that, only on the game, only on the things he knew he could do on the ice. Only on the plays that they'd practice a hundred times before.

He only gets distracted when he hears his name being called over and over again, loudly and shrilly. He turns to the stands closest to him to see Jessica. She's smiling as bright as ever, looking proud as could be to see his girlfriend. Adam, blushed, appreciative of her support and somewhat overwhelmed of it and waved at her. Guy patted Adam on the shoulder, "So nice that our girlfriends made their own little section, huh?" Adam looks closer and indeed, Jessica is sitting with Alexa and Linda.

A girlfriend section? Why was Linda sitting in the girlfriend section? They weren't dating yet? Were things really that serious? He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, in an attempt to distract himself. _It's all about hockey,_ he thinks. _Forget about Charlie. You can think about him later,_

The team does their now famous Ducks chant and the crowd does it along with them. Orion is already yelling, already trying to get them as into the game as possible. Adam still can't focus. He can't believe Linda is sitting in a section for the team's girlfriends. He looks over at Charlie, who's focusing hard on whatever Orion is saying and Adam wants to deck him and can't figure out why. Charlie had no obligation to have to tell him if Linda was here, and still he's angry. He tries to find Julie, who always manages to calm him down but she's already in the goal.

 _It's all about hockey, Adam. Don't blow this. It's all you have, don't fuck it up,_ he imagines his father saying in his head and it's able to snap him back into reality. That his chemistry with the other Ducks has to be perfect if he wants to succeed together.

Orion starts him first line, in between Charlie and Averman. He looks back at Jessica, who blows him a kiss for luck and then looks straight at the Bears' player facing him, staring him down until the ref blows his whistle. Adam immeaditely takes the puck and skates his way around two Bears, before passing the puck to Averman. He darts forward to get back open and Averman passes it back to him. He narrowly avoids being hooked by a Bear, and scores.

The Ducks all cheer in victory, much to Orion's dismay. Charlie pats him on the back, congratulating him and it sends shivers back up his spine. He watches Charlie skate away with a flutter in his chest and upon noticing what he's doing, stops immeaditely.

They change up the line, with Charlie as center this time and Adam moved back to defense.

The Bears player gets the puck from Charlie this time and skates around him, right towards their own goal. Portman and Fulton run him over before he can even get close enough, elicting a loud cheer from the Ducks' fan section. Another Bear quickly takes the puck back, and Adam snatches it back, passing it straight to Guy who sends it to Averman who scores.

Orion changes up the lines, taking Adam and Averman out and sending in Goldberg and Connie in their places. Russ and Ken keep yelling out different forms at trash talk directed towards separate players. Dwayne is clapping and cheering, but Adam himself stays silently, concentrating to the best of his ability.

A puck slides into the goal but Julie quickly saves it and Adam smiles and claps along with Dwayne. It's never particularly a shock whenever Julie saves a goal because aside from himself, she's definitely the best player on the team, but Adam still feels himself fill with pride upon her victories.

The entire first period of the game is a total steal, the Duck are winning 3-0 and it seems like nothing is in their way. However, the break that they receive between the first and second period completely sets the tone for the rest of the game. Adam is waiting to talk to Julie or Connie to ask them about any specific events or tactics they've noticed, but Julie is getting 'tips' or whatever from Goldberg and Connie is practicing her trash talking with Russ. Bored of waiting, he looks around the ice to see Charlie standing over by the window in front of the "girlfriends section" flirting away with Linda, who keeps giggling. Why is he doing this now? They're in the middle of a game! They have things to practice for!

But Charlie looks so cute, so happy and carefree and Adam loves seeing him that way. It reminds him of Charlie when they first met and he can't help but stare, but blush and wish that someday Charlie will look at him that way (even if he never does). He's completely caught up in watching Charlie flirt that he doesn't even notice Averman grab Adam's shoulder and say loudly, "Someone's staring! Conway's gay comments from last week giving you some ideas?"

Portman, Luis and Dwayne who are all sitting near by bust out laughing. "Maybe Banksy's gay now too!" Averman suggests which just makes them laugh harder.

Adam feels his face heat up and he closes his eyes, trying to ignore them but the laughing just keeps getting louder. Portman pokes him roughly, "Bet all these sweaty boy bodies are getting you pretty hard, huh?"

"Hey, hey, hey," says Fulton, trying to set up a joke. "Let's not forget he's got a hot girlfriend."

The boys pause their laughing until Fulton finishes his joke, "She's got to be covering for him,"

"Hey!" Orions shouts to interrupt them. "What's this? Stop your gabbing and get in the game!"

The ref blows his whistle, signaling for them to get on the ice but Adam is far too distracted now to concentrate. His sexuality is a joke to his friends, they don't even know the truth and they do. If they react like this now, how would they feel if he actually did come out to them? They'd make fun of him, tease him harshly, figure out how desperately in love he was with Charlie. It would completely ruin his career, none of them would ever want to work withhim again.

He felt like crying, but he held it in. The announcer kid Josh's annoying voice was forcing him back into reality, much to his dismay. _Focus, Adam. Just focus._ He's back in the first line and he grabs the puck before the referee even finishes his blowing his whistle. He has to get back into the game and scoring will do just that. He slides past a few Bears players, Portman throwing one away from him so that he's completely guarded.

Adam is focused now, he always is once he's got his stick in his hands but for the first time it's not that easy because he hears Jessica's voice cheering for him and then remembers who she's next to. And suddenly it's like all he can think about is Charlie and Linda – Charlie's face when he's around her, the two of them together, the two of them kissing . . .

He misses the goal. Runs straight into the goal and falls on his ass.

It's the first time it's ever happened and Adam hates himself. He hates himself so much and he knows his parents are watching – he tries to never look for them in the crowd, but they're here and they're watching him. There's scouts here too, watching just for him to see if he can make the Juniors. He's ruining it for himself just because he can't stop thinking about Charlie's stupid face.

"Oooh, hard knockout, loser," a Bears player skates around him in a circle and it's hardly an insult, barely even qualifies for one but still, it's the last straw and Adam loses it. He takes the player by the shoulders and he throws him onto the ground harshly and starts trying to take off his helmet and just beat the shit out of him. The Ducks skate over (well, Portman and Fulton are cheering him on) and it takes both Guy and Dwayne to pull him off the unsuspecting Bears player. The ref takes him aside once his friends let him go and says something but all Adam can hear is "You're out of the game,"

The crowd was already gasping, but now they're dead silent, in blantant shock. They start cheering again the second that the ref escorts the speechless Adam off the ice. Orion is even surprised, not even stopping to yell at him before the other ref calls the game on again.

* * *

Adam's in the locker room and he throws his helmet into the wall so hard that he's pretty sure it breaks but he can't bring himself to care. He just fucked up so bad and he's losing not only Charlie, but hockey too. Something he never thought he'd fuck up.

The Ducks all march into the locker room pissed off and angry, some of them throwing their pads off the same way Adam had done to his helmet. "The hell was that, Banks?" Russ demands.

"Yeah, man, you cost us the game!" Guy says, saddened.

"You idiots could've gained back the points. We had the time," Julie defends him instantly and Adam can't even bring himself to appreciate her kindness.

"If we weren't so distracted by this Cake Eater going crazy!" Goldberg insists. "The fuck is wrong with you, asshole?"

Adam stands up and gets right into his face. "Maybe if you dickheads played a little better the whole game wouldn't always have to depend on me!"

"You saying we suck?"

"Certainly not saying you're good!"

Goldberg pushes him and Adam pushes him right back and Charlie gets between them and pulls them apart from each other. "Hey guys, knock it off! It's just one game!"

"Do you have any idea how important this game was, Charlie?!" Russ practically yells.

"It was important to me too! But fighting isn't gonna help anything!"

Adam shakes his head and stomps out of the locker room, pushing past Orion in the process, who's yelling for him to come back. But he can't. He can't be around these people right now.

* * *

**Author's Note: Ugh, super hard to write hockey. I hope I did okay. Let me know in a review!**


	7. drama & drugs

Connie hadn't moved from her bed all of that Sunday morning. Her father was out at the local bar, drinking his pain away like he always did that time of year. The anniversary of her mother's dead.

Mary Jane Moreau had died nine years ago to the day. Connie could remember like it was yesterday – being pulled out of class by the principal to see her grandmother on the verge of tears, only to have her lead Connie outside gently. She'd gotten to the hospital and her father collapsed into her arms. Her mother was in a car accident and had died in the operating room.

She did the same thing every year on the anniversary. She laid in bed and stared at the wall all day, only getting up to eat and pee. She felt guilty doing anything else. The first year, Charlie had come to visit her. The two of them used to be a lot closer when they were younger, since all the other boys picked on Charlie and she was the only girl. His mother had sent him with a casserole and Charlie sat on the edge of her bed with his legs crossed and talked forever about stupid things. It was a bit annoying, but she appreciated it. Every other year after that, it had been Guy who'd come over. He never said anything, just sat right next to her, stroking her hair. Connie had been thinking about this day for weeks and she expected that Guy wouldn't be coming. He still came when they broke up, but that was before Alexa.

But to her surprise, at eleven am, as if on the dot, there was a knock at her front door exposing Guy, holding a box of Chips Ahoy and smiling shyly. Connie felt a bit embarrassed when she saw him – she was still wearing her pajamas and her hair was a mess, that never bothered her before and she didn't know why it was bothering her now – and she crossed her arms over her chest. "What are you doing here?"

He looked at her like she was crazy, "I always come today,"

Connie wanted to say "What about Alexa?" but she didn't. She didn't want to bring up Alexa right now. She just shrugged and moves for him to come in but Guy stops her. "No, uh, I was thinking maybe we could do something different today,"

"Guy, I just – I really just want to lie down,"

"Yeah, I know. But, you always do that and you always end up feeling like shit at the end of the day anyway. I was thinking maybe today we could go to the park. I uh, I borrowed my dad's van. Thought maybe we could have a picnic – well not an actual picnic, just like sit in the back with the doors open, pull it up right by the pond,"

Connie stared at him while she thought about the prospect. It would be just like a date, just like the kind of thing they did when they were kids. She quickly shook her head, "I – I don't know,"

"C'mon, Connie. It'll be nice to spend the day together. We don't even have to talk if you don't want to,"

It was a nice day out . . . and Guy was smiling so sweetly, and she loved his parents' van and he'd brought her her favorite dessert . . . "Alright, I guess it could be fun. Um, just give me a sec to get dressed, okay?"

Guy smiled and waited. Connie came out wearing ratty jeans and an old t shirt she'd gotten from the Goodwill Games. Guy jokingly offered her his hand and she took it, fake curtsying. The two of them drove three blocks to the park that they'd visited practically every day as kids. Today, it was full of parents with their own young ones running around the lake, playing on the playground or just going for a walk. Guy parked in the parking lot closest to the lake and opened up the back of the van so that he and Connie could watch the ducks and the geese in the water. He'd brought along a basket containing two sandwiches, apples and juice boxes.

They sat there eating for a bit, Connie leaning up against one of the walls of the van staring out at the scenery and Guy playing with a loose piece of fabric on his sweats. It was about fifteen minutes before Connie finally spoke. "I fucked Connor Benson last night,"

Guy looked up at her, surprised by her bluntness and then shrugged. "So? Why are you telling me?"

"I don't know," she said and she really didn't. She scratched her arm, uncomfortable. "I was . . . I was really sad last night. You know, we lost the game on Friday and then I came home from Julie's dorm and my dad was drunk and I was just . . . pissed, I guess. I called Connor. He, uh, he's been bothering me a lot in school lately. Laughing at me in class, but I know him. And I know he's single and desperate so he picked me up and we went back to his dorm and . . . you can figure out the rest. He offered to take me home but I walked. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this because we don't really talk about these things but I feel bad. I promised Julie I wasn't going to be a whore this year,"

"You're not a whore, Connie," Guy said quietly.

"Then how come everyone says I am?" she pulled her legs up to her chest.

Guy shrugged again. "I don't know. I guess they need something to talk about. You're an easy target. You're on the Ducks, you're a great player. Everyone knows you, it's just easy for them to pick on you,"

Connie picked up a cookie and ate it, trying to relax her shoulders. "I guess so,"

He noticed that she was uneasy. "What?"

"I just – it's not just strangers who say those things. It's the Ducks too. I mean just last week, I was talking about my dad and Averman comes in asking me if he knows that I fucked his boss's son. I mean, I was fourteen when that happened! And like a few days before that, Portman made a crack that the only reason I even get playing time is because I'm sleeping with Orion. I just don't get it, Guy. I mean, I know I'm a bitch but the team is my family. After – after my mom died, the team was all I had. They are all I have. And they're mean to me, but when I'm mean to them, suddenly I'm an awful person,"

Guy sighed heavily and leaned forward, putting his hand on her knee. She put her own on top of it. "Connie . . . I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's not even their fault. I'm just being too sensitive," she wiped a non existant tear from her eye. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought this up,"

"You brought it up because you're sad about your mom and you need someone to be mad at. So you're mad at yourself," he moved from across from her to next to her and put an arm around her. She immeaditely put her head on his shoulder. "You don't need to be angry, Connie. You're just living your life. You're not hurting anyone."

Connie started crying then. She never cried, hadn't done it since the first time she saw her father drinking when she was ten. She didn't even cry at Hans's funeral. But here she was, whimpering in Guy's arms for no other reason than Guy himself. She lifts her head from his shoulder and takes his hand. "Guy . . . Guy, I love you,"

His eyes widen because she's not saying it as a friend, he can see that from the look in her eyes. "I'm in love with you and I've been trying to hide it for . . . probably since we broke up, but I'm just realizing it now,"

Guy pulled away from her gently, not wanting to upset her even further on such an important anniversary in her life. "Connie . . . I – I'm flattered, but I'm with –"

"Alexa, I know. And she's really, really amazing, Guy. You're really lucky and I'm not telling you this so you'll leave her for me because I don't want you to. I just want you to be happy. You deserve it. I needed to tell you that, though. I needed to get it off my chest,"

* * *

Julie had spent the entire weekend worrying about her friends. After the game on Friday, she'd went to Adam's house to check on him, only to be told that he wanted to be alone by his parents. She'd gotten back to her dorm to see Jessica waiting in front of her room, asking desperately if Adam was alright and Julie couldn't give her an answer and she sent Jessica away in tears. Then the next day, Connie had come over and the two of them had spent the day walking around campus and then Julie had braided her hair while they watched reruns of _The Hogan Family._ She knew what tomorrow was for Connie and was concerned for her, but knew that her friend liked to keep to herself on those days.

But by Sunday, she was back to being worried about Adam. He was the most quiet, gentle person she'd ever known in her life and him having an outburst like that was just plain out of character. Usually when he was upset, he came to her and they talked things out but she hadn't heard from since Friday. She'd pretty much just been sitting around trying to come up with an explanation for his behavior and the only one that she was able to come to was Charlie and Linda. It was the only thing that made sense – the guys had been talking about them before the game and Linda had been there, flirting with Charlie after the first period. It wasn't like Adam to get angry or jealous, but it was the most likely.

So Julie took a bus across town to Charlie's apartment building. She figured that if she couldn't get Adam to talk to her, then Charlie could get him to talk to him. She knocked on his front door and Charlie opened it. He looked exhausted and Julie could see his stepfather and mother behind him, his stepfather with his feet kicked up and Charlie's mother serving him.

"Oh, uh, hey Julie," said Charlie, surprised to see her.

"Hi, Charlie. Um, I was wondering if we can talk?"

Charlie looked behind him, like he wanted to stay but shrugged and closed the door behind him. "Sorry, I would've let you in but now's not really a good time."

"Right. I should've called. It'll only take a minute anyway,"

Charlie stared at her and Julie stared back at him and Charlie said "What?" like he was waiting for her to continue.

"I need you to talk to Adam,"

His next words came out a bit breathlessly, "Oh, yeah. How is he, anyway?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since he left the game," Julie crossed her hands. "Which is why I was hoping that maybe you could call him or go over to his house. I think he needs some cheering up,"  
Charlie seemed fidgety, nervous, and she'd never really seen him like that but then again, she'd never been to his house. "Why can't you talk to him? You're his best friend,"

She wasn't about to tell Charlie that Adam was madly in love with him and hearing from him would cheer him up more than Julie ever could. "You're his captain. I just think you could talk sense into him more than I could,"

"Adam and I . . . we don't really talk about stuff like that. You know, problems outside of hockey. I wouldn't know what to say."

"You're smart, Charlie. You'll figure something out," Julie smiled. In reality, she knew that Charlie wasn't really all that smart. He just cared a lot about people and was always ready to help. But just hearing from Charlie would probaby make Adam feel a lot better, and hearing that Charlie cared how he was doing would lift him up entirely.

Charlie thought about it for a minute and then shrugged. "Alright, Julie. I'll uh, I'll talk to him at school tomorrow."

Julie smiled and put an appreciative hand on Charlie's arm. "Thank you,"

He nodded. "Yeah, yeah,"

"Alright, well, I'm uh, I'm gonna go. Sorry again for barging in," she said, backing away from him towards the exit.

He waved at her and walked back inside. "Yep,"

As soon as Charlie closed the door, Jim started yelling about something. His mother looked concerned. "Yo, Charlie, can you please tell your mother that she doesn't need to be working tonight? It's Sunday for God's sake,"

"Hun, I _have_ to work tonight. Shelley's on vacation and she needs for me to take her shift," Casey explained.

"Yeah, fucking right! No one else could fucking do it?"

"No. I told her that I would do it,"

Jim turned to Charlie like he was going to take his side. "You hear this shit, kid? She told her she would do it,"

Charlie said nothing, didn't even bother to roll his eyes and just walked into his room. He'd come out if any yelling started, but for now he was just gonna do his English homework. He couldn't leave the house that much because of the whole situation, the best thing he could do for himself was get to have some alone time. Although he'd prefer if this alone time could be with Linda, but he didn't let her come over to his house just so she didn't have to see or hear his family disaster.

* * *

The Ducks arrived to their before school practice at 6 AM Monday Morning, all of them exhausted and a few of them hungover. No one said anything to Adam when they walked in and saw him there first (even Julie just sat next to him and said nothing). Most of them were in a quiet mood and it was more about the disappointment of their first loss of the season than how tired they were.

However, as soon as Orion walked into the locker room all of that ended. He looked angrier than any of them had ever seen him and they all quit their moping and complaining instantly. He crossed his arms over his chest. "We were supposed to have this practice because we needed it after that loss on Friday. But something else has come to my attention. I was taking the garbage out in here so that the janitors wouldn't have to do it and I discovered this," Orion reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small bag of white powder.

The Ducks looked around at each other, confused. The always innocent Dwayne raised his hand. "Sorry coach, but what is that?"

Orion sighed. "This, Dwayne, is cocaine. An extremely dangerous drug that I discovered in this locker room after a game. Which means that at least one of you was under the influence of drugs during a game. Do any of you have any comprehension of just how serious this is?! You could get kicked off the team, you could get kicked out of school! I am not making accusations but I am giving you until the end of the week to come to me and confess who it was. Once the week is up, I'm reporting this to Dean Buckley."

Orion stared at them sternly, causing some of them to swallow down an awkward lump in their throats. "I expect to see all of you on the ice in ten minutes," he turned swiftly and walked out.

The Ducks were quiet for only a few moments before Russ said "I know one of y'all better tell him it was you because I'm not losing my scholarship,"

"You got something to say Banksy?" said Luis.

Adam looked up, "What are you talking about?"

"Your little outburst on Friday would explain a lot if you were high," Averman agreed.

"I wasn't – I wasn't high, I swear I wasn't!" Adam responded, obviously distressed by the accusation. "Drug test me if you need to, I swear to God I wasn't on anything,"

"I'll take you up on the drug testing offer," said Russ.

"Guys, come on," said Connie. "Let's not accuse anyone of anything,"

"Oooh," Goldberg chuckled. "You covering for me or something, Connie?"

Portman laughed. "Yeah, man, she's probably banging Adam and doesn't want her fuck buddy getting busted,"

Connie didn't say anything and she didn't even look all that upset, but Guy knew from their conversation their other day that she was. "Shut the fuck up, Portman,"

Portman stood up. "What'd you just say, Germaine?"

"You heard me! I'm getting really tired of all of you and your comments! Just shut up and leave her alone, okay?"

Charlie immeaditely ran over and stood between the two of them in case a fight broke out. "Hey, hey, hey, we're cool guys, alright? We're cool. Let's just . . . go out on the ice. I know we're all upset because of the loss but fighting isn't going to make anything better. You're smart enough to know that,"

Portman rolled his eyes and slowly backed off Guy and although there were a few annoyed mumbles from Russ, the team continued getting dressed.

Slowly, they all made there way out of the locker room with only Charlie and Adam being left in there. Charlie had planned on staying behind to speak to Adam quickly and pulled him aside before he could leave. "Hey man, I'm uh, sorry about them," he said.

Adam bit his lip. "It's cool,"

"Look, if it helps, I know that the drugs aren't yours. I know you wouldn't do that," Charlie put a hand on Adam's shoulder and he caught a small smile from the other boy. "But I just wanted to make sure you were okay,"

Adam shrugged. "I'm fine,"

"Are you sure? Cause you were pretty upset on Friday,"

"Yeah, I don't know what came over me," he shrugged. "But I'm okay now,"

Charlie didn't want to push the issue so he just nodded. "Okay. Cool. Uh, if you ever need to talk to anyone though, I'm here. You know that right?"

Adam got a look on his face that Charlie didn't recognize and he blushed before saying, "Yeah, yeah, I do. Thanks, Charlie."

"Any time, buddy,"

* * *

**Author's Note: So . . . yeah. Lots of drama. This was a pretty intense chapter in my own mind, and I don't know if it came across like that! Who do you think really had the cocaine?**


	8. girlfriends & guy friends

Guy and Alexa had decided to spend lunch on Tuesday eating in the back of the library out of the old librarian's sight. They liked to be alone, especially at lunch so they could avoid the noise and excitement of the cafeteria. Alexa was going on about the History exam she'd last period and how ridiculous it was that her teacher expected her to memorize twenty specific dates in the Civil War. Meanwhile, Guy had been trying to figure out just how to tell her about what Connie had told him the other day. He knew that keeping the truth from her was a bad idea, so he wasn't going to do that, but he also didn't want her to get mad at Connie when he told her.

Alexa took a breath in the middle of her story and Guy used that opportunity to interrupt her. "Hey, uh, Alexa, I have to tell you something,"

She took a bite of her sandwich and nodded. "Is everything okay? You've been acting weird all day,"

"Yeah, everything's fine, I just . . . I have to tell you something," he repeated himself. Alexa put her sandwich down and stared at him like she was expecting him to say something serious. "So you know how I told you I was going to take care of Connie on Sunday?"

She nodded.

"Nothing happened," Guy explained quickly, not wanting her to jump to any conclusions. "But she did tell me that she's still in love with me. I didn't say anything back, I promise. I told her I'm with you and that's not going to change and I'm sorry I waited to tell you, I should've told you right away –"

Alexa started laughing.

"Are you laughing? Why are you laughing?" he asked, concerned.

Alexa buried her face in his shoulder so she wasn't making noise and pulled away tentatively. "You are _so_ stupid," she said lovingly.

"What did I do?"

"Hun, why are you acting surprised that she told you that? I mean, everyone can see how she feels about you,"

Guy raised his eyebrows. "What – what do you mean?"

"She was gonna tell you eventually. You'd have to be completely blind not to see how she feels. I mean, for God's sake the way her face lights up when you walk into a room says it all."

Guy tried to picture Connie's face when she saw him and couldn't think of anything special about it. Well, not exactly not special. She looked beautiful, but she always did, that was just what she looked like. "So . . . you knew? And you didn't tell me?"

Alexa smiled. "Of course I knew. I thought you knew too."

"Why would I know?"

"Because _everyone_ knows. Martine and Rachel had a bet going as to how long it would take for her to tell you,"

Guy took a breath, trying to think of how the hell he'd missed something that was so obvious to everyone else. Did the Ducks know about this? They had to have . . . but then why keep him in the dark about it? They should know him better than to assume that he could pick up on things like that. "I didn't do anything to lead her on, I swear,"

Alexa laughed and put her hand on top of his. "I know. I mean, you guys are friends and that's cool. And I understand it from her end, I mean, you're you. It's kinda hard not to fall in love with you,"

Guy's head piped up as soon as she finished speaking. She was smiling sweetly at him and he felt himself blush. "You love me?"

"Duh,"

He leaned in and kissed her. "I love you, too,"

* * *

Fulton and Portman were sitting on a bench next to the soccer field during their shared free period. They usually spent the time on the roof of Portman's dorm throwing trash onto unsuspecting students, but today Portman had mentioned something about wanting to talk to Fulton. He never wanted to talk about anything really so it surprised Fulton a bit, but he could kind of guess what it was going to be about.

He had assumed that the cocaine that Orion had discovered yesterday belonged to his friend. Fulton had seen him do coke a couple of times at parties, but not often enough to bring it up to him. He didn't see it as a problem – it wasn't like Portman was shooting heroin or something.

"I gotta tell you something, bro," said Portman.

Fulton nodded. "Kay. What?"

"Those drugs Coach found were mine,"

"Yeah I know,"

Portman, leaned back roughly, looking offended. "The hell you mean 'yeah I know?'"

Fulton shrugged. "I've seen you do coke before. No one else on the team does it. At least I don't think they do,"

Portman's shoulders and face relaxed. "Yeah, well . . . it's mine,"

"So . . . are you gonna tell Coach?"

"Hell no. The fuck I look like?"

"Portman, you have to tell him," Fulton said calmly. "If you don't tell him, he's telling the Dean and all of us could get busted,"

"Don't care,"

"You don't care? Then why are you telling me?"

Portman shrugged. "Cause . . . I don't want you getting in trouble I guess,"

Fulton was confused. "What do you mean?"

"If anyone accuses you, I want you to tell him it's Jacob Grimes's. He's some sophomore I bought it off of, he keeps like all of his stash in his dorm. But don't say shit unless you get accused. I'm no snitch, and I don't want his bitchass calling me one,"

Fulton nodded. He'd do what Portman said, if only because he was a good friend and didn't want to let him down. And he appreciated that Portman was protecting him. "Oh, and more thing," said Portman. "If anyone starts saying it's Julie's say the same thing,"

"Who would accuse Julie?"

"I don't fucking know, just do it, okay?!" Portman said aggressively.

Fulton didn't even need to ask as to why Portman was willing to be called a snitch to protect Julie. He knew that his friend liked her, but he didn't think that he liked her enough to risk getting called a name. If there was anything Portman hated, it was getting called names.

"Alright, bro. I've got it,"

"Swear?"  
"Yeah, I swear,"

Portman nodded. There was an obvious thank you there, but he didn't say it. He quickly returned to his normal, brash self. "Alright, man, let's go. We don't need to sit around fucking staring at each other all day,"

* * *

Averman had been sitting around for the past week debating his date with Julie. He'd made a huge scene by asking her out publicly, made a big deal about asking her out in general, and now he was chickening out.

He was embarassed, if he was being honest. Goldberg had had no problem taking Julie out and here he was, sweating over it. He didn't even think that he was a "moral compass-y" kind of guy, but taking Julie out just to try and see if he could have sex with her didn't sit right with him. Averman didn't know if Goldberg and Julie had had sex or not because Goldberg hadn't said anything, but he figured they didn't because Goldberg would've been running his mouth to anyone who'll listen. That alone made him feel a little better, but not good enough to call off the date completely. He'd postponed it because he was scared – mostly of the sex factor. If Julie did want to sleep with him for whatever reason, he was a virgin. He was going to be bad at it and he knew that Julie had slept with Zack, who was a far more experienced lover if he was going to put it in such terms. Averman didn't exactly think that Julie was going to laugh at him or anything if she didn't come or if he came too early, but it didn't matter. He didn't want her regretting the experience.

So that day, Averman finally decided that the best thing to do was to tell Julie about the bet. It was probably going to cause some sort of fight between himself and Goldberg, but probably not a serious one. Obviously nothing was happening between him and Julie, so if it was all settled, he wasn't going to be pissed. Even if Julie was mad, it would make him feel a lot better knowing that she knew.

They were having some chips in the student lounge alone together when it felt like the perfect time to tell her. Julie was doing homework, talking occasionally about her day when Averman interrupted her. "Hey, uh, Cat, I need to talk to you about something,"

She looked up and smiled. "What, are you cancelling on me again?"

Averman cleared his throat. "Uh . . . yeah, actually. I am."

Julie raised her eyebrows. "Oh, uh, that's okay. But why? I mean you asked me out in such a rooomantic way,"

"It's got nothing to do with you . . . it's me," he tried to avoid eye contact with her. "I gotta . . . I gotta tell you something,"

"Is it going to be in corny limerick or something?" Julie said jokingly.

He shook his head. "No,"

Averman was almost never serious about anything so Julie's smile fell from her face. "Oh God, what? Are you okay?"

He nodded and swallowed hard. "I'm fine . . . it's just . . . it's about us . . . and Goldberg. We, uh, there's a reason that the two of us asked you out and . . . you and Connie were kind of right,"

Julie put down her pen.

"Goldberg and I kind of made a bet to see . . . to see which of us could um . . . get with you first," Averman looked up to see how Julie was looking at him. She wasn't really making any sort of notable expression and he began talking super fast. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm so, so, so, so sorry and I feel really bad and I wanted to tell you, but you know, guy code and all and I'm –"

Julie put her hand up, interrupting him. "I don't need to hear it," she didn't say it like she was angry, just like she was disappointed.

"Julie, I'm sorry," he repeated himself.

"Whatever," she stood up from her seat and grabbed her backback.

"Julie –" he called after her but she was already walking away from him and out the door.

* * *

Truly, the first thing Julie thought to do when she heard the truth from Averman was to tell Connie. Connie was the smartest person probably in the world, and she really needed the comfort of her best girlfriend.

She figured it wouldn't be best to tell her at school the next day because she knew she'd do somethin rash like explode on Goldberg and Averman, so she invited Connie to her dorm room Wedensday afternoon to tell her. And just as she expected, Connie practically exploded. "Those fucktards! Are you fucking kidding me? I fucking knew it! I knew they were up to something! Are they kidding? Like are they kidding?! Holy shit, like what the hell? What the actual fuck? Who the fuck do they think they are?! I swear to God, I'm going to kill them,"

They were sitting on Julie's bed and Connie pulled Julie's head to her chest, hugging her and stroking her arm. Julie wasn't crying, she was more angry than anything, but not shocked for whatever reason. Even she herself knew that something was up when Goldberg and Averman had asked her out in the span of a week. "I'm sorry," Connie whispered into her ear. She said it calmly, but she was practically shaking from rage.

Julie sat up. "I know . . . I just feel stupid,"

Connie furrowed her brow. "Why do you feel stupid? Those two idiots were planning on fucking you just so they can brag to their friends! They should feel stupid!"

"I just feel like I should've known . . . I mean, it was obvious that they were up to something,"

Connie shook her head and whispered, "I'm so fucking pissed off right now, I can't,"

"Just what did I do to them, Connie? Why did they have to make me feel like dirt?" Julie said, feeling tears stinging her eyes and Connie hugged her tighter.

"It's not your fault, don't think that for a second," she was obviously trying to calm herself down to soothe Julie but to no avail. Connie pulled the blanket from the edge of Julie's bed and draped it over them. "I just – I mean, did the rest of the team know about this? Are we the only ones who didn't know?"

Julie shook her head but kept herself on Connie's shoulder. "No, Adam couldn't have known. He would've told me,"

"Guy couldn't have known either," Connie said, definitely much more calm than she was a moment ago. "There's no way he would've been okay with this,"

"I don't know," Julie wiped a tear from her eye. "If any of them knew about this it's just as fucked up,"

"Ugh, they probably all knew. That stupid fucking guy code shit – I don't put it past any of them," Connie continued to stroke Julie's arm, but just thinking about this whole situation was pissing her off. "Shit, we need to do something,"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, some sort of revenge prank. Something to make them look stupid,"

Julie groaned. "You know I'm not good at pranks,"

"Yeah, but I am," she said and Julie lifted her head.

"You're gonna do something?"

Connie nodded like it was obvious. "Of course. I'm not letting them fuck with you and get away with it,"

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'll think of something."


	9. sluts & snow

Thursday night at Savino's, a small pizza place in the Mall of America that the Ducks often frequented. It was the night before a game and Charlie had decided that it might actually be okay if he just took Linda out. His mom was working tonight, there was no way that Jim would try anything in public. So he was taking Linda out. They'd been talking a lot lately and they hadn't officially gone out on a date, yet and Savino's was all he could really afford. Linda wouldn't mind, though. She didn't care about money.

"Listen, so what is this? Between us?" Linda asked as they waited for their food.

Charlie practically coughed into his soda. "What do you mean?"

She gave him a look. "You know, like . . . are we . . . a thing? Or are we just talking? Or -?"

"Well, I mean, I thought we were just talking, but if you want to be a thing, we can talk about it,"

Linda actually smiled at that, which surprised him because he was expecting her to get mad. "No, no, no, that's good. I um, I want to keep it that way, if that's okay,"

Charlie raised his eyebrows. "Uh, yeah, it's okay. But uh, why?"

The waitress came and placed the plate of pizza onto their table. Linda and Charlie thanked her quietly and Linda served herself while she continued talking, "I don't think I want anything serious right now. I'm worrying about college and applications and school and I don't need a boyfriend on top of that. But I like you, Charlie. And I still want to like go on dates with you and hold your hand and kiss and – I don't know, is that okay?"

Charlie let out a breath that he didn't know that he was holding in. It was actually great for him, if he was being honest. He liked Linda a lot, but he couldn't commit to a relationship right now with everything going on at home. "So what are we then, friends with benefits?" He wiggled his eyebrows and she hit him playfully.

"Ew, don't call it that," she giggled.

Charlie leaned across the table and kissed her. "You coming to the game tomorrow?" he asked her.

"Of course," she squeezed his hand. "I wouldn't miss it."

* * *

 The Ducks were told to gather at the rink early Saturday morning for their game against the Sheldon Sharks at noon. Julie arrived later than usual and she was practically running from the parking lot to the stadium. A car with loud rock music blaring it from it pulled up right in front of her, almost hitting her and she jumped back in surprise. Expecting it to be Portman, she got ready to yell, but was surprised to see that it was Connie. She hopped out of the passenger seat, waved at Julie and then walked over to the driver's side to lean in through the window and kiss the driver. The kiss lasted far longer than Julie was comfortable with. When they finally broke apart after what felt like forever, Connie gave the driver a flirty wave before walking over to Julie so that they could go in together.

"Who was that?" Julie asked when Connie didn't say anything.

"Connor Benson,"

"New boyfriend?" she was a little annoyed, to be honest. Connie had said that she was going to handle this whole Averman-Goldberg situation and she was working on her own personal life. She didn't say that though, she didn't want to start an argument.

Connie shrugged. "I guess. I mean I slept over in his dorm last night,"

She knew that Connie's promise about not sleeping around so much this year was bullshit. Julie tried not to make a face. "Is he coming to the game tonight?"

"Um, no. He uh, he has things to do," she said, sounding a bit disappointed, pushing her hair behind her ear.

Once the two girls had gotten into the locker room and begun changing, Julie decided to bring up her own problems. "So um, what are we doing about Averman and Goldberg?"

Connie looked up through her jersey as she pulled it over her head. "I'm going to talk to Russ and some of the guys to see if they'd be into pulling something off,"

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, they were in on this whole thing,"

"Yeah. They're not gonna tell those two fuckwads anyway. They love a good prank," Connie explained. Julie trusted her, she did. It was just that with everything that had happened the past few weeks she wasn't in a trusting mood and felt more on edge then she ever had been in the past.

She was completely dreading going into the boys' locker room and being forced to see Averman and Goldberg, who she'd been avoiding all week ever since Averman's big reveal to her. Just hearing their stupid jokes and comments to their teammates was going to piss her off and she didn't know if she could stand even hearing them. Thankfully (for her), when she and Connie went into the locker room, Averman and Goldberg were far from the center of attention.

"Yo, what the fuck, Connie?" Portman said aggressively as soon as he saw her. "Thanks a lot for sending fucking James Diaz to my room last night because you and his roommate are fucking too loud!"

Connie's face turned red as the rest of the boys let out whistles. "It's not my fault Diaz is a pussy!"

"No, but it's your fault that you can't stop being a fucking slut and have to just – fucking – fucking – be a slut!" Portman stumbled out, bouncing up and down with energy.

"Hey, fuck you, Portman!" Guy said, standing up and pushing him away from Connie.

Immediately, Dwayne and Russ stood up to stand between the two before Portman knocked Guy on his ass. "Yo! Guys, let's all just chill out, okay?" Russ said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't fucking touch me again, Germaine! You wanna fucking go?!" Everyone was just sort of watching in surprise. Even for Portman, he was acting extremely aggressive, in a way that was much unlike himself. Although Portman always ended a fight, he was rarely one to start one – at least with a teammate.

"No, Portman, I don't! Just stop being an asshole!" Guy said, making Portman throw his fists around until Russ and Dwayne duck and he hits Guy square in the face. Guy goes back at him (without much of an impact) and Portman pushes him so hard he falls into the lockers.

"Portman, chill!" Fulton pushes his friend back and Portman shoves him. Charlie and Guy grab Fulton, Luis and Dwayne grab Portman, separating them from each other before they can do more damage. Just then, Orion runs into the room, screaming.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey! Calm down! Hey!" Orion steps in the middle of the boys, and all except for Portman, calm down. Portman is still hollering and yelling and bouncing up and down. "Calm down!" Orion commands at him once more.

"Don't tell me to calm down! I am calm! I am fucking calm!" Portman yells out. Orion stands closer to him.

"I told you to calm down, you calm down right now, you hear me?" he shoves his finger in Portman's face and Portman shoves it away. "Hey! Do you want to get kicked out of school for assaulting your coach? Is that what you want?!"

Portman was practically growling, only being held back by his arms, Dwayne and Luis unable to control him. The Ducks all stood back in fear, never seeing anything like Portman's behavior now before. Guy stepped in front of Connie. Even Orion stepped back, afraid.

And then something happened that none of them had expected. Portman fell to the ground and began convulsing, shaking so hard that his head hit the ground over and over. Fulton fell to his knees, putting his head in his lap. "What's happening?!" he yelled out. "Do something! Someone do something!"

Orion, too, got down to his knees. "Someone call 911!" he told the team.

Charlie ran off to go and do as told. The rest of the Ducks just stood there in disbelief, not knowing what to do. Averman was crying softly, but not enough to get called out on it. Orion was whispering soft words to Portman, telling him it would be okay. Charlie ran back in and exclaimed that the ambulance was on the way.

"Julie . . ." Portman managed out. Fulton looked back at her, as did everyone else, in surprise. No one said anything for a moment until he said it again. "Julie . . ."

"Julie, come here!" Orion yelled at her and his loud voice was enough to shake her back into reality. She got down on her knees next to Fulton and took Portman's seizing hand. The seizing continued, until it didn't. Portman lay still, his head in Fulton's lap, his now limp hand in Julie's.

"What's happening?!" she said when Orion and Fulton exchanged looks but said nothing.

The ambulance sirens could be heard then. Adam and Ken ran out to go and lead the EMTs inside. Guy too left the room, but he didn't go with them – he went off somewhere by himself. "Just – just keep him elevated, Fulton," Orion told him and Fulton nodded.

The EMTs came in faster than they'd expected with a stretcher in tow. They screamed at the Ducks to clear the area, and Orion got up to lead them out of the locker room and out onto the ice. All of them just stood around, waiting for the EMTs and Portman to pass through. The anxiety was thick in the air, everyone could feel it, but no one was even acknowledging anyone else's presence, each of them just staring at the floor. The EMTs came out shortly with Portman hooked up to the stretcher. Orion and Fulton followed them out to the ambulance.

"What about the game?!" Dwayne yells after him. Although it's out of ignorance and not heartlessness, the Ducks can't help but groan.

* * *

 Connie went to look for Guy as soon as Charlie had given the Ducks the okay to go home. She found him in the girl's locker room, sitting all the way in the corner of the back of the room. His knees were to his chest and although he wasn't crying, she could sense that he was on the verge of it. She'd been thankful to him before all of the Portman shit had really started going down – he had protected her. He'd gone up against Portman who was twice his size for calling her a slut and then he'd stepped in front of her when he started getting aggressive.

She knew that her heart shouldn't have soared the way it did because she was 'dating' Connor know. It wasn't like she had anything to be ashamed of – she told Guy how she felt the other day. What she had to be ashamed of was the fact that the very next day she'd called Connor again and he'd come over and shoved his dick in her mouth before she could even finish saying hello. She felt guilty for confessing her love to him when he had a girlfriend and even more guilty for ruining the pureness of it by hooking up with Connor right after. And what made it even worse was two days ago when she was putting her clothes back on and she smiled at Connor and asked him coyly if she was his girlfriend now and he'd said "I didn't know _you_ actually date people."

It was shit and she felt like shit and she felt even shittier when she remembered that Guy would never speak to her that way and that Guy was probably sleeping with Alexa at that moment. (Had they slept together yet? She didn't even want to think about that?) But then the very next day she was climbing back into Connor's bed and spent the entire night fucking him.

In a way, it was easier than being with Guy. Connor didn't talk. He never asked her how she was doing. She overheard him talking in graphic detail about her pussy in the hall yesterday. But that was what she wanted. She was embarrassed about how emotional and open she'd gotten with Guy the other day. She hated being that way in general and being with an asshole who didn't care was far easier than being with someone who did.

"Hey," she said when she entered the room. Her whole promise to herself that she'd made after confessing to Guy that she loved him – the promise that she'd steer clear of getting emotional – was broken. They'd just witness something awful happen to Portman and it was far too serious for stupid promises.

Guy looked up. "Oh . . . hi . . . sorry . . . did you want to change? I'll uh, I'll leave . . ."

"No," she said, walking to him and kneeling once she gets close to him. "I wanted to see if you were okay,"

He shrugged, his voice quiet. "I don't know,"

"That was pretty . . . intense back there. Charlie said we have to forfit the game," she said awkwardly.

"Do you remember my brother?" Guy asks quickly, practically interrupting her. Connie is taken aback – she hadn't heard about Guy's brother in years. When they were twelve, his older brother (who'd been a drug addict for a long while before that) had died.

"Uh – yeah,"

"I walked into the kitchen some Sunday afternoon," he started and Connie's heart ached because she's heard this story once before. "Bombay was in the minors, we didn't have anything to do since we didn't have hockey. I was uh, supposed to meet Jesse at the park for a catch and I wanted to grab some food first. Brian was in there talking to my mom and then he just . . . fell. Started seizing, shaking and my mom was screaming and crying and yelling for me to call 911 . . . and I did, I did, but . . . the EMTs said they lost him in the ambulance. Drug overdose."

Connie moved closer so that she was sitting next to him.

"It was _just_ like what happened with Portman,"

"So, the drugs were his?" Connie says.

Guy shrugged. "I guess, I mean, he was definitely on something . . . I just – I didn't want to see anything bad go down again,"

Connie put her hand on top of his and he intertwined their fingers. "I pussied out. What kind of a man am I to do that?"

"A real one," she answered with sincerity. "You were scared, so you bailed. Anyone else would've done the same thing,"

"But they didn't,"

"Yeah, because they didn't know what was happening. You did and it was something that traumatized you when you were a kid. No one is going to think the worst of you for running because you didn't want to re experience a trauma," Connie explained softly. She put her arm around Guy's shoulder.

Guy was silent for a moment and then nodded, looking up at her for the first time. He stared at her and Connie gulped, because she absolutely did not need him looking at her like that. The look quickly faded and Guy seemed to shake himself out of it. "Are you okay?" he asked her tentatively. She looked away and shrugged. "I don't know. I just . . . I hope he's okay,"

"Even after what he called you?"

"Yeah. He's still my friend,"

"You're a really lovely person, you know that?" Guy asked with a smile.

Connie blushed. "Thanks,"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not super proud of this chapter but I owed you guys so I had to get it out! I promise the next one will be better.


	10. hospitals & hugs

The Ducks showed up to see Portman as soon as visiting hours started the next day. Orion and Fulton had both stayed their overnight with Fulton's mother, and seemed surprised when the team showed the next day, Julie and Dwayne holding flowers. Charlie and Fulton hugged and although it was somewhat obvious that Fulton had been crying, he was doing a good job of hiding it.

"How is he?" Julie asked.

Fulton turned away from Charlie. "He's uh . . . he's better. At least better than yesterday."

"That's uh, that's good, right?" Ken said.

Orion nodded. "Yeah, it's uh . . . it's okay,"

No one could tell what that meant exactly and the awkwardness in Orion and Fulton's tone was more of a bad thing than a good thing. The awkwardness extended to the Ducks who all just kind of stood there until Charlie said, "Can we uh, can we see him?"

Orion stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I uh, yeah, I think so. Like five or so of you at a time is probably best for now,"

Fulton spoke up first, "Uh, um, wait, Coach, can uh, Julie come in first? Alone?"

Julie and Connie exchanged looks. Orion nodded. "Yeah, sure. That's fine,"

Fulton motioned for Julie who followed him.

"Why me?" Julie whispered as they walked. She'd never been under any sort of impression that Portman liked her. He was always being a dick to her in one way or another.

"He asked for you," was all Fulton said in response.

They got to Portman's room and Fulton opened in awkwardly. Portman was lying in a bed, in a hospital gown, his arm hooked up to some machine, looking more innocent and naïve than Julie had ever seen him before. He smiled when he saw her – and it was so strange to see that smile on the face of someone so weak. "Hey, Julie," he said.

"Hi," she responded quietly.

"Fulton, fuck off," he threw at his friend, less kindly.

Fulton nodded and left, closing the door behind him. Julie didn't like being left alone here and wished desperately that Connie or Adam were with her. She didn't say anything, just crossed her arms and looked off to the side.

"Uh, so . . . sorry the game got cancelled," he said.

"What happened yesterday?" she asked because it was the first thing on her mind.

Fulton played with his fingers. "Guess I snorted too much coke,"

"Cocaine? Portman, are you alright?" she moved closer to him, instantly concerned.

She'd never been around him when he was this serious. Yeah, there'd been times where he was down about a game or something but not like this. "Yeah, yeah, I'm cool . . . cool. It was all fun and games . . . until – it wasn't."

"So, I mean like, what's happening? Are you off the team? Are you expelled?" she sat down in the chair next to his bed.

"Don't know yet. Orion really hasn't said shit to me. Just fucking sits out there where Fulton and his fucking mom come in and out. It's fucking annoying how they won't leave me alone," he scoffed.

"It's just because they care about you. You can't be angry at them for that,"

"Whatever,"

There was more silence between them. All Julie could think about was yesterday when he'd asked for her and now today when he'd asked for her again. What did that mean? Was this another sick joke like the one Averman and Goldberg had pulled? It couldn't be. No one could fake a drug overdose. But still – then was there some sort of truth behind all of this?

"Can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Anything,"

"Why did you ask for me yesterday? I don't know if you remember, but – while everything was going down, you um . . . you asked for me. And today – you asked for me again. I – I don't know what that means. Wh-what does it mean?"

Portman's eyes widened like he was surprised or embarrassed – whatever emotion it was, she couldn't tell. At least he wasn't angry or making one of his remarks. He waited a moment before answering, just smirking and saying, "You're my favorite,"

It wasn't so much of an answer, not really one at all but she catches herself smiling and Portman laughs when she does that and it's the first time she's had that sound from him. It's genuine and it's sweet, it's not his usual crude laughter. It's kind. Special.

* * *

Guy had left the hospital right after he'd finished talking to Fulton. He didn't explain why and no one even bothered asking when Alexa showed up in her father's car to drive him home. Connie was standing away from the rest of the team, leaning against a wall near the very back of the hallway.

Charlie approached her cautiously when he finished up with Portman, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Hey," he said in a whisper and Connie reacted to it by pulling him to her for a hug. "You okay?" he whispered into her hair.

"Yeah. I think," she said, wiping a non existent tear from her eye when they pulled apart.

"Are you going home? Do you need a ride home?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nah. Connor's picking me up,"

Charlie nodded. He always tried not to comment on Connie's boyfriends. "How's your dad?" he asked. He hadn't spoken one on one to Connie in a while.

"Fine," she shrugged. "Drunk,"

"Think we'll all be getting drunk after today," he responded, leaning against the wall next to her.

She chuckled. "Yeah. I _really_ need a drink right now," she paused. "Just you know, seeing him in there, like that . . . I've never even seen Portman with a cold and now he's lying in a bed, completely helpless."

"He'll be fine," he assured her. "I talked to Orion – the doctors said he'll be ready to leave in a few,"

"A few what?"

"He didn't say,"  
Connie sighed, thinking of her father and all the substance abuse issues he'd suffered in her life time alone. She knew that drug overdoses weren't just a one time thing. She didn't say that to Charlie, though. Charlie was far too kind for her to worry him. They kept standing for a bit until Charlie let out a sigh. "I uh, I better get home. Have to see my mom and all that,"

She nodded. "Yeah. Gotcha. Tell your mom I said hi,"

Charlie turned and left, walking out of the hospital. It'd been a rough day – yesterday had been rough too and there was really nothing that he could do about it. That was the shittiest part, that there was nothing he could do. He was supposed to be the captain, the one who gave everyone advice and showed them the way, but he truly didn't know what to say about all this. Watching his friends holding back tears while his other friend lay in a hospital bed. And then there's Fulton, who he had to see devastated and heartbroken over seeing the boy he called his brother that way. Fulton had always been so much wiser than Charlie, always seeming to know the right answer to life in general. But for the first time, Fulton was asking him for advice. Real advice. Moral advice, because he didn't know what to do about Portman and Charlie had to tell him flat out he didn't have an answer. It hurt because everyone expects him to have it together, but he doesn't. He doesn't think he'll ever really know the right answer to everything and the only reason people think that he has it together is because Bombay saw something in him (and Charlie still isn't all that sure what he saw) and the team just kept sticking with the notion that Charlie was their leader and would keep everything together for them. (They should've gotten rid of that idea with all the fucking up he did freshmen year).

He was only reminded of just how much he couldn't fix things when he opened the door to his apartment to see his mother lying in the floor holding her stomach, crying. Charlie falls next to her instantly. "Mom? Mom – Mom, what happened?! What happened?"

She grabs onto him instantly, tears staining her cheeks. "Charlie, baby, go inside, go inside,"

"What? Mom, no,"

"He's coming back – he just stepped out to get beer – go to your room," she breathed out through sobs.

And as if on cue, Jim opened the door with a six pack in his hands and a cigarette in his mouth. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Charlie. "Just had a bit of an altercation. Your mother's gotta stop coming home so late,"

Charlie got up and he took Jim by the shirt and he punched him square in the face. It's something that he'd never done before but he just . . . he couldn't take it. He'd never seen his mother in this much pain before. "Charlie! Stop it! Stop it! Please!" she cried out to him.

Jim shoved Charlie off and then pushed him against the wall, holding him there. "Boy, if you touch me again, I swear to God I'll – "

"What? You'll what? Hurt me the way you hurt my mom? Go ahead, try it," Charlie spat back at him. "I can promise you I will sue your ass for everything you're worth right down to the last drop of your five dollar beer,"

It wasn't an exaggeration – it was a truth. Bombay would do anything for the Conways and Jim knew that damn well. He looked from Charlie to his mother and slowly loosened his grip on Charlie. (Somewhat to Charlie's disappoint who wanted to see this guy get sued desperately). "Casey," Jim said, scratching the back of his neck. "I just want to say that I –"

"No," Charlie said sternly, nodding to the door. "You have nothing to say to her,"

"I love you," Jim spat out.

"Sure you do. Now will you please move out of the way so that I can take my mother and get the hell out of here?"

Casey's head popped up. She was sitting up a little bit now and Charlie walked back over to help her stand up. "Charlie, honey, we can't leave – this is our home,"

"We're sure as hell not staying here with him,"

Charlie knew that if they stayed here and just kicked Jim out, he'd be showing up every day because he knew where they were. And even if he didn't, his mother would be asking him to come back within weeks. They needed to go somewhere different. And it couldn't wait either – Charlie'd bring some of the guys with him in a few days to grab whatever shit they really needed – they needed to leave now. "Charlie!" Casey continued protesting as he grabbed his backpack and headed out the door.

"You'll be back!" Jim yelled after them. "Just you wait! You'll be crawling back in bed with me in a week's time!"

* * *

"I think I'm gonna tell everyone I'm gay," Adam said at lunch the following day. He and Julie were eating behind the school where no one else ever was, just trying to avoid the rest of the student body who had seemingly heard about Portman and were bombarding the Ducks with questions.

Julie looked up from the sandwich she'd been engrossed in with her brows furrowed. "Uh . . . you sure about that, honey?"

"I don't know," he said.

"Well then what made you say it?"

"I just think maybe – maybe . . . I won't be so _angry_ all the time if I just tell the truth,"

Julie bit her lip. "Are you gonna break up with Jessica first?"

"Yeah. I will after school."

"Think she'll be pissed?"

"Obviously."

"You sure you should, then?"

It was supposed to be a joke, but she was also aware the consequences that were going to come from Adam coming out. Adam scoffed, "It was just a thought, Julie."

"Yeah, well, what do you think the guys are gonna say? I mean, yeah, this is the 90s and times are changing but those guys are idiots. Not everyone is gonna be as accepting as you want for them to be,"

"I know that, Julie. Okay? I'm not stupid," Adam said sternly. He'd been thinking about this a lot lately for no reason other than how angry he'd been at everything and everyone. His therapist had said that maybe it was because he was tired of hiding himself and although he'd denied it to her, he knew that was probably a big part of the reason.

Julie put down her food and put her hand on his shoulder. "I know that. I just don't want to see you get hurt,"

"The Ducks are my family," he stated.

"Sometimes family isn't always all it's cracked up to be," Julie sighed. She loved her own family (and missed them desperately) but she knew about Connie's father and Adam's father and how fucked up most of the Ducks's families were.

"I know. But – the Ducks are the people who I love most in this world. And if I never tell anyone else who I am, that's okay, because I told them. Even if they're not okay with it – at least they know,"

Julie felt herself tearing up and she wasn't sure why. She hid her face so Adam couldn't see but he leaned in to take a closer look. "Are you crying? Julie, come on, don't cry . . ."

"I just . . ." her voice cracked. "I don't want them to be mean to you,"

"Hey, come on. What are they gonna say that I'm not expecting them to say? Goldberg's probably gonna call me a fag. Luis is probably never gonna talk to me again. Even if all the other guys do that – at least I won't be hiding,"

"But Adam, these aren't just friends or family or whatever it is you wanna call them. They're your teammates. Hockey means everything to you what if this messes up your relationship on the ice?"

Adam turned to the side. He hadn't considered that as a possibility before. In the next few weeks, he was probably gonna get scouted and if he wasn't playing well because the team didn't want to be near him after what he'd told them then it all would've been for nothing. He was only coming out to get this giant weight off of his chest and stop forcing himself to be angry and sad all the time. This plan could easily backfire in a huge way. Julie must've seen his hesitation because she took his face between her hands and pulled it to face her. "I don't know what the team is gonna say. But I know what I'll say. I will stand up and I will say 'I'm proud of you, Adam. I stand by you' because I do. And I always will, okay? No matter what they have to say, you will always have me,"

Adam pressed their faces together but didn't look at her. His love for Julie was more important than anything in the world to him. He hoped that she knew that – he wasn't good with words, never had been, but Julie had to know that. "Just, with Portman and everything . . . I don't know if it's the best timing, but . . ."

"No, no. It's good timing. It just proves life is short and you shouldn't waste it hiding who you are,"

He paused and scrunched up a bunch of her hair in his hand. "I just hope Charlie doesn't hate me,"

"You heard what he said at Jessica's party. He wouldn't hate you, alright, trust me. Charlie is a good man. He's a good friend and he's a good captain and I can _promise_ you that he won't let you down."

* * *

"Connie's dating Connor Benson, right?" Alexa asked Guy.

"Uh, yeah, I think so?"

Guy and Alexa had been lying on top of his bed for exactly thirty seconds before she'd brought this up. They hadn't really spoken all that much in the past few days outside of anything except Portman and this was the first time she'd brought up something else in that time. "Really? Because Abigail told me that she gave Marco Riggins a blow job today,"

He shut his eyes, not really wanting to talk about this. "I don't know, Alexa, I mean, maybe she's not. I don't know, why are you bringing this up?"

"Because I saw you holding her hand yesterday and then hugging her today,"

He sat up. It wasn't like Alexa to be jealous and he was only holding Connie's hand because she was sad and he was sad and they were at the hospital. And he hugged Connie today because she was his friend. "What does that matter?"

"Because she likes you and . . . she's you know . . . a slut,"

"Don't talk about her like that,"

Alexa sat up quickly. "This is exactly what I'm saying, Guy. It's becoming obvious to me that you have feelings for her,"

"What? I don't have feelings for her – we've been over this, what's brought this on?"

"You don't think it's weird that you're friends with your ex?"

"Not really, no. I mean, we broke up _years_ ago."

"Yeah, and she told you she's still in love with you,"

That couldn't really matter that much, could it? It didn't change anything. "Yeah, I know, but she's not like making moves on me or anything. It's just like it's always been,"

Alexa practically laughed at that. "Oh, come on, Guy. Is that supposed to make me feel better? You guys practically groped each other before we started going out, I mean, she would sit on your lap for God's sake. It can't be just like how it's always been. It has to be different,"

"You weren't pissed off about this until now. Why now?" Guy asked, a little irritated.

"Because . . . because . . . I'm your girlfriend. And it's not fair that every one in school still makes jokes about you and Connie still being a thing because you two can't stay away from each other. I deserve better than that,"

He sighed deeply. "Yeah, yeah, you do. I love _you,_ Alexa. Not Connie, alright?"

"You always say that but it's not good enough anymore,"

"Then what do you want me to do? I cant just stop seeing her, we're on a team together,"

"I'm not saying that, Guy. I'm just, I'm saying that I don't want you to be friends anymore,"

Guy stood up fast. "I can't do that, Alexa. You can't ask me to choose between my friend who I've known since I was nine and my girlfriend who I love very much,"

"If you really love me, you'll do this for me,"

He couldn't understand why she was making him choose. It wasn't like he was doing anything with Connie – she was his friend. She was his _best_ friend, really – and Alexa was his girlfriend. He had a history with Connie, but Alexa was his girlfriend. And yes, not being Connie's friend was going to screw up the relationship with his team . . . but Alexa was his girlfriend. He couldn't give up on his girlfriend, despite the way that he felt about Connie. "Okay," he said finally.

"Okay?" Alexa said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please review!


	11. coming out & coming on

Their next practice was the following Thursday. Orion had cancelled all of their other ones that week, presumably so that he could figure out what they should do about Portman. The entire school day, all of the Ducks were in a far better mood than they had been lately. It was looking like there was going to be a bit of light in the dark place that had been the past week.

Connie was eating lunch with Russ, Dwayne and Ken. In all of the fuss over Portman, she'd completely forgotten about her promise to Julie to get revenge on Averman and Goldberg. She figured that this was the perfect opportunity – all three boys loved pranks, and even though Dwayne was a bit dim he still knew how to have fun. She never ate with them, and they were all a little confused as to why she was there until she put down her sandwich and said, "Look, I know you all knew about what Goldberg and Averman were doing to Julie and I'm not going to yell at you about it, but I need your help,"

They all exchanged looks. Russ spoke first. "What do you mean 'help?'"

"I want revenge. No one fucks with her and gets away with it," she flipped her long hair behind her shoulder. "And I know you three love a good time,"

"And what makes you think we'll go against our boys?"

She laughed out loud at that. "Oh, stop with that shit. It's not gonna be that bad. Just embarrassing for them and funny for me – and you, if you do it,"

Ken raised his eyebrow and put his hands on Dwayne and Russ's shoulders. "Let's just say that we are up for this. What do you have in mind?"

"It's got to be something related to sex. That's how this whole thing started – because they're two horny bastards, right? I say we expose that," Connie crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair.

Dwayne giggled. "Yeah, that'd be funny! Let's do it, guys! It was pretty wrong what they did to Julie. She's such a nice little lady, it ain't fair that we just stood by and let them get away with it,"

Russ rolled his eyes. "C'mon, dumbass, they weren't gonna get away with shit. Julie never would've slept with them,"

"Regardless," Ken sat up a little straighter. "I want to do it. It'll be fun, I think we could all use a good laugh right now, plus, I think I've got an idea,"

When Russ and Dwayne didn't argue doing it, Connie motioned towards herself. "Well, go on! Tell me,"

Ken looked around to make sure that neither Averman nor Goldberg were around. "Okay, well, you know the movie _Heathers?_ Winona Ryder tells those two assholes to meet her somewhere so they can have a threesome and they get naked and then her boyfriend kills them? Something like that, minus the murder,"

"So you're saying we get some girl to ask them to have a threesome, they get naked and then what?" Russ asked.

"We could all by there. The whole team – like in the closet or the next room or whatever, and we walk in and embarrass them and laugh at their tiny dicks," Connie's face lit up in excitement.

Both Russ and Dwayne laughed and Ken high fived her. "Yeah, but we kinda need a girl," Ken brought up. All of their eyes moved to her in suggestion.

Connie shuddered and shook her head. "I've known those guys since we were five. They see me as a sister, they'd never be interested in that with me,"

They all cracked up again. She stared at them with a dirty look until they quit it. "Moreau, c'mon. You're a hot girl and they're idiots. Even if you were their sister, they'd still fuck you if you asked,"

She considered it for a moment. She had made a big point of not showing romantic or sexual interest in her teammates (aside from Guy) and even if it was a joke, she didn't really feel all that comfortable with it. There'd probably still being a million jokes about how they all thought that she had higher standards than sleeping with those two, even if she actually wasn't. But still – the reality was that she would be doing this for Julie and that alone could get her to do anything.

She sighed heavily. "Fine. But no stupid jokes. I'm not actually going to do anything with them,"

Russ rolled his eyes. "Obviously. Even you have higher standards,"

Connie shook her head, internally kicking herself for always being right and stood up from the table to walk away and go find Julie. She was probably off with Adam somewhere, she had been more than usual lately, but before she could even start looking, she ran right into Guy.

"Oh – God, I'm sorry," she put her hands on his arms to balance herself and patted him gently on the shoulder. "Hey, sorry I haven't been around the past couple of days, I've had a lot of homework,"

Guy didn't have his usual goofy smile on his face, he actually looked kind of sad. He also wasn't looking her directly in the eyes, scratching at his neck. "Yeah . . . uh, it's fine. Listen, I got to go –"

She stopped him from walking away by grabbing his arm. "Hey, are you alright? You seem down,"

"I'm fine. Connie, I'm really busy –"

"Are you sure? Guy, if something's up we can talk,"

He turned back to her and let out a deep breath. She was beginning to get worried, Guy was never upset. But then again, maybe it was just about everything with Portman. Guy took her by the arm and walked her across the hallway to sit down on a bench.

"Is this about Portman? Because I know things are really hard right now with him but I talked to Fulton this morning and he's doing alright, don't worry –"

"No, Connie, it's not about Portman," he shook his head and put his hand on top of hers gently. "It's . . . it's about us."

She stayed silent.

"I just . . . I . . . I'm sorry. You know . . . you know you're special to me right?"

Connie once again, said nothing. She nodded just a little bit when he waited for her to. "Okay, well you are and I want you to know that but . . . God, this is hard . . . I have a girlfriend now. A new girlfriend, Alexa and she's really great and awesome and I really like her. And – I – I care about you, I do but . . . I don't think that we can . . . hang out like we used to,"

She pushed his hands off of her and stood up. "We can't be friends anymore? Why? Because you have a girlfriend?"

He closed his eyes and nodded.

"Guy, I know I said I love you but I'm not gonna act on it, I just – I shouldn't have even said it, I just said it because I was sad. I swear, I'm not gonna fuck things – wait, that's what this is about, isn't it? You don't want to be friends not because I said I love you, but because _Alexa_ told you not to be. Right?"

Guy stood up as well and shook his head again. "Connie, listen –"

He shoved him away from her. "No, no – I don't get it, we've been friends practically our entire lives! You've known Alexa for what – a few months? I'm mature enough not to try and sabotage a relationship that you're happy in!"

"I know that, I'm just doing what she says – I don't want to lose her. It's not like we won't be friends, I mean, we'll still see each other at practice and stuff,"

She was trying her hardest not to cry. "That doesn't matter – I – I – why can't we – we're just friends! You're my friend, that's all I see you as. I mean I know I said I was in love with you, but like, I – it'll never happen again and I'm seeing someone anyway and –" Connie paused, finally realizing the real reason that Alexa didn't want Guy seeing her. "That's it, isn't it? Alexa doesn't want you near me because I'm such a slut I'll seduce you?"

Guy's silence was the only confirmation that she needed. The tears welled to her eyes quickly and she turned to walk away but Guy grabbed her. She turned back around and shoved her finger in his face. "Get off of me!"

"I didn't say anything!"

"You didn't need to."

"Connie, I don't think you're going to sleep with me but you know, you are a bit . . . promiscuous," He saw the horrified expression on her face and instantly realized he'd misspoken. "No! I mean, that's what Alexa thinks I!"

Connie shoved him so hard away from her that the few people in the hallway turned to stare and their whispers began. Her cheeks were stained with tears and she couldn't even bear to wipe them away. "You were the one person I thought would never call me that,"

"Connie! I didn't – I mean –"

"Fuck you!"

She ran down the hall into the nearest bathroom and looked herself in the handicapped stall, falling to ground and holding her sweater to her mouth to silence the sound of her crying. She knew that Guy hadn't actually had said the word, but it'd been implied. She knew what he'd meant and the worst part of it all was that he was the only person in the whole world who she truly opened herself up to. Guy was the person who knew all of her darkest secrets, her deepest fears; all of the little things that no one else knew and he'd betrayed her. He'd judged her. This is why she didn't trust people, this is why she was so guarded, everyone always lets you down in the end. You can love someone more than anything, and that's not enough.

* * *

 

Adam had been in the locker room before everyone else. He'd had a free period last period of the day and he'd been meaning to get some extra practice in, but he hadn't been able to move from the locker room bench since he'd arrived.

This was it.

He was going to do it today – come out to the team. Come out to Charlie. It was by far the scariest thing he would ever have to do, his heart was in his stomach and the only thing that he could think was "What if they hate me?" Adam had been weighing the pros and cons to himself for the past few days and while there were more cons, he figured that maybe this would be for the best in the end. He'd be able to be more comfortable with himself and that was what was the most important. And even if everyone did hate him, he would still have Julie. And he'd still have hockey. He knew that Charlie would make sure he didn't get like kicked off the team or anything.

He stared at the clock on the wall until it hit 3:15 and Coach Orion walked in and muttered a hello to him. "Oh, um, hey coach," Adam stood up and stopped him before he could walk into his office.

Orion looked up from his clipboard.

"Um, do you think I could maybe talk to the team before practice today?" he said awkwardly. Orion didn't seem to think much of it. Adam was his hardest working player, he never caused any trouble minus a few weeks ago.

He shrugged. "Yeah, sure. Make it quick though,"

Just as Orion turned to go into his office, the sounds of the other Ducks showing up for practice reached Adam. He turned bright red, his nerves from before coming back.

"Hey what's up, Banksy?" said someone. He was pretty sure that it was Goldberg, but he was too on edge to be sure.

He got dressed in silence, hardly listening to the usual loud noise of the locker room. Charlie's presence at the locker across from his was the most frustrating; he was so worried about his reaction, even though he knew it would be okay. Charlie's opinion was the most important to him.

Orion came back into the locker room at 3:45, which was the time their practice was timed to start. He knocked twice on the connecting door to the girl's locker room like he always did, signaling to Connie and Julie that it was time for practice. They both sauntered out, but Orion stopped everyone from going into the rink. "Before we start, Banks would like to say something,"

He knew that it was coming fast, but not this fast. His heart had moved from his stomach to his throat and as the team sat down and he made his way to the front of the room, he felt like he was going to vomit. He'd never been good at talking in front of crowds. Julie, thankfully, seemed to know what was going on and sat down right in front of him. Seeing her reassuring smile managed to calm him down just a bit.

Adam hadn't realized that he'd just been standing there awkwardly until Luis said, "Get to it, man."

"Oh, right," he cleared his throat and looked down at his crossed hands. "Um – I just have something to say . . . and I guess I . . . wanted you all to know because you're my, well, you're like my family and I just want you to know . . ."

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "It just – you know, it doesn't change anything, what I'm gonna tell you and I just I guess, I'm um, I'm gay and I'm sorry and I'll change somewhere else if I have to and I just wanted to get this out there because that's why I've been super angry lately and I just –"

Adam hadn't realized that he'd basically been talking at top speed and no one had heard anything he'd said until Fulton interrupted him. "Wait? Did you just say you're gay?"

"Um, yeah. I did. I'm um, I'm gay,"

The entire locker room fell silent. The only sound that could be heard was Luis playing with his skates. Adam's face was red again because saying nothing was worse than saying anything.

"But you have a girlfriend," said Dwayne.

"Um, yeah, I did. We broke up,"

"But you fucked her! How does that work if you're into dudes?" Goldberg furrowed his brow.

"Watch it, Goldberg," Orion commanded, unbothered by this whole situation.

"I um, yeah, I did – it was – I still like guys,"

"Like us? Do you like any of us?" Luis looked disgusted when he said it.

Adam felt scared that maybe he knew that he liked Charlie, but avoided Charlie's glance like he had been this whole time and just shook his head. "No. You're not my type. None of you are,"

"Racist," Russ noted, but the smile on his face showed that he was kidding. He stood up and patted Adam on the back. "Well, thanks for telling us, buddy. I certainly have better things to do than sit around and listen to this, so I will be doing whatever else there is to do,"

Adam tried to hide the smile on his face because Russ was one of the last people he expected to be accepting. He hadn't outright said he'd accepted it, but if Russ didn't like something, he'd say he didn't like it.

"Yeah, man," Charlie spoke for the first time and the smile left Adam's face because of how terrified he was by his voice. "It means a lot that you would tell us. And as your team, your friends and your family, as you put it, we support you. Don't we guys?"

Charlie was standing next to Adam, waiting for an answer from the rest of the Ducks. There were a couple of 'yes's and a couple of shrugs.

No one really said anything else and when they didn't, Orion led them to the rink. Julie lingered behind and stepped on to her tiptoes to hug him tightly. She put her hands on either side of his face so she could bring his forehead to her lips. "This is the proudest that I've ever been in my life of anyone,"

"That was the scariest thing that's ever happened. Ever."

"Why? No one said anything bad! Everything's good, right?"

"They're gonna say bad stuff behind my back. They're probably saying it now!"

"Yeah, but Charlie didn't. Charlie's okay with it. That's good, that's like best case scenario," Julie put her arm around his back.

Adam knew that. He was way happier than he was showing about Charlie being okay with him. But that happiness was overpowered by his worry that everyone hated him. And still, he was relieved that he'd gotten that off of his chest. He put his arm around Julie too and walked with her towards the rink. Julie sensed his worry. "Well, honey, you still got me,"

"Always,"

* * *

 

Goldberg and Averman left that night's practice together. The practice itself had been uncomfortable, what with Adam's big confession weighting down on their shoulders. Averman didn't really care. You know, it was whatever. He wasn't that close with Adam anyway and Charlie had said they all supported it, so he'd do whatever Charlie said. Goldberg, on the other hand, didn't really know how he was supposed to feel. He'd never known anyone who was gay before and his first gay person being Adam, his _friend_ Adam, was just bizarre. He couldn't understand how any guy could like guys. It was just . . . gross. He didn't even want to talk about it, if the team never talked about it again then that would be okay with him.

"I still can't believe you told Julie," was all that Goldberg could think to say to Averman that didn't involve Adam.

Averman rolled his eyes. "You're still on that?"

"Am I supposed to get over it?" He'd been thinking about telling her himself in all honesty, but he'd do anything to keep this conversation away from anything having to do with Adam and gays.

Just as they reached the front of the school, they saw Connie standing out there, presumably waiting for a ride. She did a double take when she saw them, and both of them ignored it, knowing she'd probably want to talk about Adam too. Connie in reality, wiped one of the tears off of her cheeks and pulled out her compact mirror to check to make sure she didn't look she'd been crying (she was). She tossled up her hair and pulled her top down a bit before walking over to them.

"Hey, boys," she said with a cheerful smile.

They both tried not to groan. "Hi, Connie," they said practically at the same time.

"So, busy day, right? First practice since the incident, that whole shocker with Adam? Who knew, right?"

"Yep," Goldberg muttered. This was the first time that he wished that Averman would start rambling.

Connie didn't know how she was supposed to do this without laughing. She didn't even want to do this, especially after what Guy had said to her today. _You're doing this for Julie,_ she reminded herself and even though she could hardly muster the strength to do it, she was going to have to.

"So . . ." she smacked her lips together, trying to look as sexy as she usually did when propositioning someone. "We've known each other a pretty long time, right?"

Averman raised his eyebrow. "Yeah, why?" Connie never wanted anything from him, and it seemed like that's where this was going.

"So, I've been like, looking for some . . . new experiences lately and I figured that the best two people to help me with this new experience were two of my oldest friends,"

Connie was holding back the vomit in the back of her throat. Just the thought of this was literally making her stomach hurt.

"What kind of experience?" Goldberg asked.

"Let's just cut right to the chase. I want to have a threesome," she was about to her arms across her chest, but she had to settle for putting her hands on her waist to keep showing her boobs.

Both Averman and Goldberg turned to stare at each other. Never, in a million years, in a trillion years did they ever think that anyone would be _asking_ them for sex, let alone asking them for a threesome. And Connie, of all people. Connie Moreau, who they'd played blocks with in kindergarten.

"I'm sorry, did you ask us to have a threesome?" Averman questioned.

Connie nodded.

"Us? There's no one behind us? You're talking to us – Gregory Goldberg and Lester Averman?"

Connie rolled her eyes and giggled. "Yes, you two,"

"Are you on something? It's us, your friends! Your friends who you almost always refer to as – and I quote – disgusting and repulsive," Goldberg reminded her, confused and thinking that today had to be a dream.

Shit. She had said that. _Up the sex factor,_ she reminded herself. Connie pouted her lips and batted her eyelashes. "I know it sounds crazy, but I'm serious. I mean, I've done everything but I've never had two inside of me before. And I figured, if I wanted to try it so bad, I should try it with two people I trust. And I picked you two,"

Her voice had turned sultry, far unlike her usual one. Goldberg tried not to get hard at the imagery. He'd be liking if he said he'd never been attracted to Connie before. When he was in middle school, he'd jacked off to the thought of her when she used to change in the locker room with him. Averman hadn't really thought of her that way, Connie had always been his friend. It was different then with Julie, she'd been his friend literally since they were still practically toddlers.

"How do we know you're being serious?" Goldberg said, skeptical.

Connie sighed inwardly. "Do you really want to take the chance that I'm not being serious?"

"Good point, where do you want to do this?"

"My house. Sunday. Four o'clock," _I cannot fucking believed that worked._

Averman blushed. "So, uh, we'll uh, see you then, huh?"

He did some weird thing with his hands and she had to practically scream at herself not to make a face. Connie forced a smile and nodded. She winked and waved and then walked away, rolling her eyes and cursing herself forever agreeing to this.

They waited until she was gone before they said anything. "Did I dream that or did that just happen?" said Goldberg, staring at Connie as she walked away.

"Nope, that really just happened," said Averman, doing the same.


	12. sex & scandal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys! I'm so happy so many of you are enjoying it. This chapter has a graphic sex scene between two characters I won't reveal, but let me know what you think.

Luis would start off by telling you plain and simple that he did not hate Adam. He was a good friend and an even better hockey player. They’d never have won all those games without him, he knew that. But what Luis will tell you is that his opinion of him has definitely changed now. Banks was full on homo.

   How could he of all people, be gay? He wasn’t anything like gay guys were supposed to be – he was athletic and didn’t care about fashion and other gay guy stuff. But that was beside the point. Adam had told everyone that he was gay and no one had an issue with it. Everyone went on about their business and even after practice, when Adam changed with them, no one had issue and Luis just couldn’t understand for the life of him why. He probably was checking all of them out, whether he’d admit to it or not. It had been a few days since the big announcement and they’d all only sort of discussed at lunch one day while Adam was meeting with a teacher.

   “I just – I mean, Adam’s a homo? Who would’ve thought?” said Fulton before munching into his sandwich.

   “Not me. Why did he even bang Jessica if he knew he was into dudes?” Luis asked.

   Connie rolled her eyes. “Obviously he was trying to cover it up because he was scared,”

   “She’s right. You hear about it all the time. Gay men and women hide their true identities to insure their safety,” Kenny explained.

   Goldberg made a face. “Am I the only one who’s uncomfortable with this?”

   “Nah, man. I’m with you,” Luis raised his water bottle.

   “Didn’t y’all hear Charlie? We’re a team, we gotta stick together,” Dwayne stated.

   “Well, I’m not. The bible says men and men together is just wrong,” Luis wasn’t necessarily all that religious, but there were certain things in the bible that he abided by. His mother had raised him to be a good Christian boy and he would continue that tradition.

   “And the bible also says no sex before marriage but you don’t care about that one do you?” Julie said, clearly irritated. They had all almost forgotten she was there. If she was, they probably wouldn’t have said anything. “If you’re gonna be a judgmental prick then at least have the balls to say what you’re gonna say to his face,”

   She stood up and walked off.

   And that was pretty much the end of it. No one brought up the whole Adam thing after that and it was to Luis’s disbelief that no one else’s religious aspects were coming into play. At least out loud. And then at practice the next day it was just like – whatever. Even on the ice, it was whatever. Luis wasn’t an asshole, he’ll also tell you that. He will always try and be nice to you, even if you’re doing something he doesn’t like. But for the life of him, he can’t manage to pass the puck to Adam when he’s told to. He crashes right into the glass, the puck going with him.

   Orion blows his whistle and skates out onto the ice. “Mendoza! What the hell was that?! I tell you to pass the damn puck, then you pass the damn puck!”

   Ken helps Luis stand up and he doesn’t even bother to answer Orion. He just stands there. Orion approaches him, “Now can you give me a reason as to why you’re disobeying my orders?”

   Luis looks around at the team. Adam is hiding his face and Julie is blatantly side eyeing him. He doesn’t want to embarrass Adam in front of everyone (even though he should) so he just says, “I thought I could make the shot,”

   “And did you make the shot?”

   Silence.

   “It’s not a rhetorical question, Mendoza, but I’ll answer for you. No, you did not make the shot,” Orion shook his head, annoyed and skated off the ice again. “You’re off, Luis! Averman, you’re in,”

   And the practice continued like that. Luis sat on the bench, beyond pissed off that he’d even bothered acknowledging Adam on the ice like that, but then he got pissed because Julie kept on throwing him dirty looks. He should’ve just lied and said that he didn’t want play because Adam was a fag. It was bullshit, it all straight bullshit.  

   After practice, in the locker room, Adam doesn’t change with them. He walks straight into the girl’s locker room and all the boys watch him silently. “Drama queen,” said Russ, jokingly.

   “He’s not being dramatic, Mendoza is,” Charlie pointed out.

   “You got something to say?” said Luis.

   “Yeah, I do. We all know your little stunt on the ice was because you don’t like who Adam is. And now you’ve made him uncomfortable by being an asshole,”

   Goldberg coughed twice and the attention turned to him. “I mean, I’m just gonna be honest – I don’t want him changing in here with us,”

   “Yeah, and why’s that?” asked Ken.

   “I don’t want some homo looking at me in the nude,”

   Russ and Guy burst out laughing. “Yeah, Goldberg, because people are just rushing to see you in your birthday suit,” Russ cackled.

   Goldberg and Averman both exchanged looks and Luis rolled his eyes. “Well, I am not Goldberg. I actually happen to be pretty damn good looking and I wouldn’t put it past Banks to pick up on that,” said Luis.

   No one argued that and turned to start getting changed until Ken said, “You heard Adam. He said he isn’t interested in any of us,”

   “I’m not interested in half the girls I fucked, but I still fucked them,” Luis insisted.

   “Adam isn’t like that,” said Charlie. “He’s not a fucked up pervert like you,”

   Luis marched over to Charlie, angrily. “You know what, Charlie? Why don’t you stop running your fucking mouth about ‘acceptance’ or whatever? I don’t see you running to get Banksy back in here!”

   Charlie looked at him for a second and then pursed his lips and nodded. “Okay. Alright, Luis. You’re right,” he threw up his hands and walked over to the girl’s locker room door and knocked twice.

   Julie answered, half dressed in a tank top and pants. “What?” she said, in a way that was very unlike her usual tone.

   “Tell Adam to come back in here and change with us,” said Charlie.

   “What? So you guys can be assholes to him? No way,” she began to close the door but Charlie stopped her.

   “C’mon, just – just let me talk to him,”

   Julie sighed and moved away from the door. Adam stood in her place within a few seconds. “Yes?” he questioned, nervous.

   “Why aren’t you changing with us?”

   Adam didn’t answer.

   Goldberg groaned. “Come on, he doesn’t want to change with us, let him change with them. Who cares?”

   “I do,” Charlie insisted and then turned back to Adam. “Come on – I . . . no one cares that you’re . . . you know . . .”

   “Gay,” Russ called out.

   “Thank you. Yes, gay. No one cares about that. You’re our friend. That’s all that mattered,”

   The look in Charlie’s eyes was both sincere and convincing enough and Adam found himself getting lost in his gaze until he remembered the reason he was using a different locker room in the first place. He shook his head. “No. Charlie, I’m – good. Thanks,”

   He shut the door quietly and leaned his head against it, already regretting his decision in coming out. He could practically feel Julie and Connie’s eyes burning into his back. “Say it. I fucked up,” he said, without turning around.

   “I wouldn’t go that far,” said Connie.

   “How far would you go?”

   “That they’re fucked up for treating you like that,” she explained.

   Adam turned and Julie nodded. “It’s not your fault Luis was being a dick. If he wants to be a dick, that’s his problem, not yours,”

* * *

 

   They didn’t have a game on Saturday, as their games were bi weekly. Instead, they had a practice lasting from 9am to 3pm and needless to say, all the Ducks were exhausted. Even more so because of the underlining tension following Adam’s announcement. Luis still wasn’t passing him the puck and when they were scrimmaging and Adam tried to score, Goldberg shoved him to the ground and then claimed that it was accident. Orion looked like he seemed to know why this was all going on, but when Charlie scolded Luis and Julie tripped Goldberg, he figured it would be better for everyone not to get involved at that moment.

   The locker room was the quietest that it had ever been. No one wanted to bring up the elephant in the room and no one wanted to even try and change the subject in fear that it would lead straight back to Adam. Luis changed quietly and quickly and left – he didn’t need to be around these jerk offs for any longer than necessary.

   Charlie was more stressed out than anyone. Aside from being in the middle of all the tension on the team, things with his mother weren’t really going all that well. The two of them had officially left Jim and with nowhere to stay, were living with Jan at the skate shop. It wasn’t the most comfortable situation but they couldn’t afford a hotel and Jan had offered. They couldn’t just say no. But the most difficult part about the situation was that his mother was refusing to let him contact Bombay to get the divorce papers. She was too embarrassed and without those papers they were fucked.

   Linda has even started to notice. He pulls out of her and falls next to her on her bed and she brushes her hair out her eyes and says, “What’s wrong?”

   He’s still panting. “What are you talking about?”

   “You’re upset about something. I can tell,”

   Charlie raises his eyebrows at her. “We just had sex. I’m really not upset about anything right now,”

   “Yeah, but you were before. You have been all week. Are you still upset about Portman?”

   He hadn’t bothered to bring up what was going on with his mom. No one knew except for Jan and he wanted to keep it that way. It wasn’t like Linda would understand. She’d tell him he was being an idiot for not just calling Bombay to handle it.

   Charlie nodded. “Yeah,”

   Linda sighed and wrapped her arms around his torso. “I’m sorry, hun,”

   “He’s uh . . . he’ll pull through. Fulton says he’s doing well in rehab,”

   Linda hums against his skin and runs her fingers up and down his chest.

   “I’m worried about Adam too,” he confessed.

   “Are the guys still giving him a hard time?”

   “Not all of them. It’s really just Luis and occasionally Goldberg but Goldberg’s always an ass. There’s just this obvious tension with the team and we have a game next week and we’ve already lost the first two. The last thing we need is to lose another one,”

   Linda looked up at him. “How’s Adam taking it?”

   “I don’t know . . . he’s been avoiding me. I don’t know what I did, I mean, I’ve been trying to be supportive,” Charlie pictured Adam suddenly, his strawberry blonde hair sticking to his face when he took off his helmet and the big belly laugh that came out of him when Julie said something funny. He found himself smiling at the thought and then quickly dismissed the image.

   “You’re being a good friend and a good captain, Charlie. He’s probably just stressed out and doesn’t want to talk. It has nothing to do with you,”

   He nodded. “Yeah, you’re probably right,”

   “I’m always right,” she expressed.

   Charlie kissed her head. “Can’t argue with you there,”

* * *

 

   Sunday. 3pm. Connie had made sure that her dad was out of the house – not that he would care much about her sex life anyway. She’d invited all the Ducks to come over early without telling them why they were invited, besides from Julie, Russ, Dwayne and Ken who were all practically beaming with excitement. Connor had also made a point of not inviting Guy. But of course, he’d come with Charlie and Fulton.

   Around 3:30 once everyone was there, she finally announced her plan to everyone.

   “Isn’t that just gonna start a fight?” asked Charlie.

Connie sighed. “I don’t give a shit,”

“She doesn’t,” Julie backed her up.

“Those assholes deserve it and besides – it’s Averman and Goldberg? What are they gonna do?”

Charlie shook his head. “I don’t think it’s a good idea,”

“I do,” Luis smiled. “This is gonna be funny as hell. Great idea, Connie,”

Connie smiled. “Thank you,”

“I’m with Charlie,” said Guy. “What those guys did to Julie was fucked up and gross but do we really want to sink to their level?”

“An eye for an eye,” Connie’s smile fell and she glared at him.

“Makes the whole world blind,” he added. “You’re classier than this, Connie,”

“Really? I thought I was a whore,”

The guys let out a few “ooh’s” and even a few gasps of disbelief.

“I never said that –“ Guy attempted to explain.

“Save it. If you don’t want to take part in this then get out. I didn’t invite you here anyway,”

Guy sighed and then stayed silent. Julie put her hand on Connie’s back but she ignored it. She didn’t want anyone’s pity. Instead, she stood up. “Okay, so, here’s the plan. You guys hide in my dad’s room. I’m gonna take them up to my room and leave the door open. When I say ‘Take me’ you come in. Got it?”

Everyone, even Charlie, burst out laughing.

“How are you gonna manage to keep a straight face?” asked Fulton.

“You let me worry about that,”

At 3:50, she led everyone upstairs to her dad’s room and told them to leave the door open just a crack. She headed to her own room to check herself out a couple of times. She’d already loaded her face with makeup before the team got there, but an extra touch never hurt anyone. She pulled her sweatshirt over her head to expose her thin black undershirt. _You can do this,_ Connie whispered to herself, letting out a slow breath.

The doorbell rang at 3:59. The Ducks were chattering away loudly and Connie opened the door to shush them. Russ whistled at the sight of her boobs hanging out of her shirt and she smirked before shutting the door just before it would lock.

She headed downstairs, whispering the same reassuring messages to herself over and over before opening the front door. There they stood, Goldberg holding a bunch of flowers in his hand. The two of them reeked of cologne.

“Hi – hi, Connie,” Goldberg muttered out.

She pursed her lips together. “Hello, boys,”

“You – uh, you look nice,” Averman managed.

“I know,”

Connie stepped aside so that they could enter. Goldberg held out the flowers for her. “Uh, these are for you,”

She felt bad for a second when she accepted them. But the image of Julie crying entered her head and any smidge of guilt was wiped away. “Thank you,” she smiled.

They stood there for a second, staring at her, waiting for her to say something. “Um . . . so, should we go upstairs now?”

Both nodded profusely.

She turned to the staircase and led them. Connie silently prayed that the Ducks would keep themselves quiet enough so that Goldberg and Averman didn’t suspect anything. Of course, it was blind hope that they would do as she told them and there were blatant noises coming from her dad’s room.

“What was that?” asked Averman.

“My dad must’ve left the TV on,” she explained and turned back to them. “Don’t worry. He’s out.”

Connie opened the door to her bedroom and took a seat on her bed. They went to sit down next to her but she shook her head. “No. I want you to strip for me,”

They exchanged looks. “Are you gonna . . . you know . . . take your clothes off?” asked Averman.

“No. You’re gonna fuck me while I’m still dressed,” she said sarcastically and then realized she couldn’t be her normal self right now. “I mean – once you guys are undressed, I want you to rip my clothes off. That sound good?”

They nodded again and began taking their clothes off. It took everything in Connie not to burst out laughing. She literally had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself. The boys were stripping so quickly thankfully that the small giggle she let out wasn’t noticed.

And then they were naked, standing in front of her completely naked and it was only the thought of how much they hurt Julie that allowed her to keep a straight face. “Take me,” she said as loud as she could so that the others would hear her.

She had assumed that the Ducks would run in as soon as they heard her but they didn’t. Instead, Goldberg and Averman were approaching her, their dicks hardening in front of their eyes. “Take me!” she said louder.

Again, nothing.

Connie hopped up from the bed before either of them could touch her. “Uh, you know what guys, why don’t we go in my dad’s room? Turns me on to fuck on his bed,”

That wasn’t a lie but even if it was, she just needed this to be over. The two of them didn’t care where they did it and followed her to her father’s bedroom where she opened the door to expose the Ducks who promptly busted out laughing the second they saw the boys. Both Goldberg and Averman screamed and ran back to Connie’s room to go and get their clothes.

Julie, still laughing, stood up and wrapped her arms around her friend. “That was awesome,” she said.

“I told you they weren’t gonna get away with hurting you,” she giggled into Julie’s ear.

“You’re such a bitch, Moreau!” Goldberg yelled from the other room.

“At least I don’t have a micro penis!” she yelled back through tears of laughter.

Adam was laughing the hardest out of everyone, falling onto her dad’s bed and complete hysterics. Charlie smiled at him, wide eyed and happy that Adam was so happy again.

Goldberg and Averman came back in with their clothes back on. “That was fucked up,” said Averman.

“Man, you kinda deserved that,” said Russ.

“For what?!”

“For what you did to Julie,” Ken said, like it was obvious.

Goldberg shook his head. “No, no, no! We didn’t trick her into getting naked! All we did was ask her out!”

“You bet to see who could fuck me first! Which by the way – neither of you had a chance,” Julie wrapped her arm around Connie’s shoulders.

“Yeah, well – we figured we had a chance with Connie!” Goldberg motioned towards her.

“I don’t fuck losers,” said Connie.

Fulton and Russ let out a bunch of “yeah right” laughs and she rolled her eyes. “I don’t fuck anyone on the team. It goes against my code,”

“Whatever,” said Averman.

“Just admit it guys,” said Luis. “She got you good,”

“No way,” Goldberg scoffed.

“You deserved it!” insisted Julie. “And Goldberg, you never even apologized for what you did!”

“Well, I’m not apologizing now. This is way worse than what I did,”

“Stop being an ass, Goldberg,” said Adam, the carefree smile gone from his face. “That’s what got you into this mess in the first place,”

“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy this mess, Banksy,” Goldberg motioned to his groin and Averman made a noise of agreement.

“That was exactly what it was – a mess,” Adam replied. 

* * *

 

It was about another hour or so before the Ducks began to head out. Goldberg and Averman were still pissed, but less pissed off when Connie threw a bag of chips at them. They headed out first and all the Ducks began to follow shortly after. Charlie offered to give Adam a ride home and he denied it, saying he was just going to walk with Julie back to the dorms. Russ and Ken both pulled her aside to tell her how “fucking awesome” the prank was and how she was truly a genius for pulling it off. Dwayne kissed her on the cheek and told her she was a “real lovely lady.” She wasn’t talking to Guy and when he came up to her and told her “Thanks for having me over” she ignored him and went back to playing with her hair.

Luis was the last one to leave. “Why are you still here?” she asked him.

“My bus doesn’t come till 7. I don’t really feel like walking back to the dorms. Practice really kicked my ass yesterday,”

Connie nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m really tired too.”

There was silence for a moment and Connie moved to sit down next to him on the couch. Luis smiled over to her. “You know, I, uh, I thought that was really cool that you’d do that for Julie. I know it must’ve been embarrassing for you,”

 _I wish Guy understood that,_ she thought silently. “Thanks, I’m glad someone gets that,”

“Julie’s a nice girl. It was fucked up that they would do that to her,”

She raised her eyebrows at him. “So you’ve never used a girl just for sex?”

“I never said that,”

The two of them laughed and Connie looked at him from underneath the hair falling into her face. “I think I might be guilty of that too,”

He made a face. “Maybe, but you know – you’re a cool person. I don’t think that the team appreciates you enough. I see how you check to make sure everyone’s pads are on correctly and how you always tie Averman’s laces for him and how even though you and Guy are broken up you still look out for him,”

The smile was instantly wiped from Connie’s face. Luis noticed, “I’m sorry –“

“It’s fine,” she said. “We’re just uh, not really getting along right now,”

Luis thought back to what she’d said earlier. “Did he really call you a whore?”

“Pretty much,” she whispered.

He looked at her and it was like he was just looking at her for the first time. “I don’t think you’re a whore,”

Connie smiled at him again. “Thanks,”

She stared right into his eyes, and he stared right into hers, pushing some of her hair out of her eyes. It was tender and soft, something that neither of them had felt in a long while. “You’re beautiful,” Luis whispered and before he could even finish getting the words out, Connie’s lips were on his.

The kiss started out slow, his hands on her face and hers on his lips and then it changed. Connie stood up and pulled her shirt over her head, unhooked her bra and threw it off and then pulled off her pants and underwear. She jumped back onto Luis then, wrapping her legs around his hips. He was surprised by how fast she was going, but he wasn’t complaining. Luis flipped her onto her back so that he was lying on top of her. Her legs stayed wrapped around him. They stayed like that for a bit until his dick became so unbearingly hard in his jeans that he needed to let it free. “Let me get that,” Connie whispered.

He got off of her and she stood up and got onto her knees, unzipping his jeans and pulling his dick out from his boxers. She ran her tongue around the length a few times before sticking it as far into her mouth as it would go. He moaned, throwing his head back.

She stayed sucking his dick for a bit and then pulled away with a pop. “Do you have a condom?”

“Yeah,” he said, his throat groggy. He pulled one from his back pocket and slid it on to his dick.

“You want to fuck, right?” Connie checked.

“Yeah,” Luis reached to take off his shirt and she stopped him.

“I can’t wait.” She pulled his jeans and boxers down just a bit lower and then hopped right on to him. They both moaned loudly as she began riding him.

He moved his hands up and down her sides and then cupped her breasts, rubbing his thumbs over her nipples. He couldn’t believe how good she was at this. Guys said she was good, but he had never imagined this. It was taking everything in him not to cum right away.

“You feel so good,” she whispered in his ear. She bounced up and down on his dick, harder than before, and rubbed at her clit.

“Keep that up and I’m gonna cum soon,” he managed.

Connie leaned back, putting her hands on his knees, allowing him to thrust into her. “That’s okay,”

Luis grabbed her and pulled her lips to his own and then flipped her over so he could properly fuck her. As soon as he did, she started moaning loudly, gasping and grabbing at the couch for support. He watched, licking his lips with pleasure, trying to keep from groaning too loudly himself. He pulled her legs up and put them on his shoulders to get a better angle.

“Fuck me . . . harder,” she whispered. “Come on, give it to me,”

He did as told and fucked her so hard that the couch began to shake. She was screaming with pleasure and he thought that maybe this was better than porn. He fingered her clit and deep dicked her slowly a few times and then increased his speed.

Within minutes, the both of them were coming, Luis falling on top of Connie, spent.

He stayed inside her and kissed her all over her face until he got to her lips and then kissed them, more gently. Connie pulled his head down to her chest and began running her fingers through his hair. His shirt was stained with sweat, but he was too tired to take it off.

“Damn . . . you’re like scary good,” he said. She laughed. “Like the best I’ve ever had times a hundred,”  
   Connie blushed. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. I mean, holy shit,”

“Thanks, uh . . . you were really good, too,”

They laid there, basking in the quiet for a bit until Luis said, “So uh, was this like a one time thing or are we gonna do it again?”

“Now or -?”

“No, I mean like in general,”

Connie shrugged. “I’d be into that,”

“Thought you didn’t fuck guys from the team,”

“I thought that too,” she laughed. “Guess I might have to change that rule,”

Luis kissed her again. “So uh, are you seeing anyone else right now? I feel like I should know –“

“Oh, uh, yeah. Connor Benson, Marco Riggins and Anthony Moore. Not so much Anthony though. Guy’s a total pussy. Cums as soon as he sees my pussy,”

“Then why are you fucking him?” Luis smirked.

“I don’t know,” The two of them burst out laughing. Connie looked at the clock on the wall. “Oh, uh, it’s 6:45. Don’t you have to catch your bus?”

Luis sighed and nodded. “Yes,” he pulled out of her and slid the condom off. “You got a trash can?”

She nodded, pointing underneath a desk. He tied it up and threw it out, putting his dick back in his pants and grabbing his jacket. He kissed her again. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she nodded again, suddenly feeling exposed.

Luis closed the front door behind him. Connie got dressed quietly, wishing that Luis had said that he could catch another bus or something. She felt ashamed with herself that she had just slept with him so quickly with no explanation, but she expected that from herself at this point.


	13. moments & memories

The following Friday began the worst rainstorm that Minnesota had ever seen. The next day was the Ducks' away game against the Ramsey Rhinos and with practice cancelled due to the rain, they were all more nervous than usual.

Julie was trapped in the rehab facility with Portman, who was due to get out on Monday. They'd been spending a lot of time together recently, ever since Portman's sort of confession about his maybe feelings for her.

"Wait so, the whole team saw them naked?" Portman said, laughing hysterically.

Julie nodded. "Uh huh. God, I wish you been there. It was literally the best thing that's happened ever!"

Portman clapped his hands together. "Aw, man! I can't believe Connie pulled that off! I couldn't even have done that!"

Julie's laughter died down and she smiled. "Yeah. Connie's, uh . . . she's really the best. I don't know if anyone else would've done that for me,"

Portman looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know, I, uh, I feel bad about calling her a . . . I don't know. Forget it. I'm not a pussy. Only pussies apologize,"

It was things like this that made Julie reconsider becoming friends with him. He could be so judgmental and the last thing that Julie needed in her life right now was judgment. "You're not a pussy for feeling bad about being an asshole. You're human,"

Portman shrugged. "Yeah, well, sometimes being human really sucks,"

"Not all the time. I mean yeah, sometimes things really suck, but most of the time, I think it's pretty great to be a human,"

"Being human means overdosing on coke. Being human means really wishing my parents were here when I've hardly talked to them in five years and being human means really liking this one girl who's completely out of my league," Portman looked away from her, clearly embarrassed. Julie blushed and bit her lip. "But I'm not human,"

Julie moved closer next to him on his bed. "Y'know . . . why did you start doing drugs? I mean, in all the time I've been visiting you we've never really talked about it,"

Portman leaned back, kicking at the floor and avoiding eye contact with her again. "Is it weird that I don't know? It just seemed fun at the time and then . . . I couldn't stop,"

"It's not weird. It actually makes sense,"

"Seriously? Cause Fulton says it's stupid,"

"Maybe it is, but it makes sense. We all do things that are stupid sometimes. Like me – maybe I'm stupid for trusting Averman and Goldberg – I'm sorry. I'm being stupid, comparing my boy problems to your drug problems,"

Portman shook his head and put his hand on her shoulder. "No, you're not being selfish and you weren't being stupid. You're – you're a good person, Julie. You should be allowed to have faith in people without them screwing you over because you deserve it,"

It was all Julie could take not to kiss him. It worried her because she had never looked at him that way before, but now, in this moment – things were different. They were looking up and she didn't know how she could feel this way about Portman who had always been nothing but a team mate, a team mate who called her babe and made stupid jokes and pushed people around. But now, he was Dean. Dean who smiled up at her with a charm that she'd always assumed just came from movie stars.

She didn't kiss him, but she wanted to.

"Thank you," was all she said in place of it.

* * *

Charlie sat in the small bedroom that had once belonged to Hans in the back of the skate shop. Jan was at his apartment down the block and his mother was staying with a friend out of town. He was supposed to be working here tonight but it wasn't like anyone was coming around with the storm outside. Charlie was shocked school hadn't been cancelled that day with all the flooding. It took the bus over an hour to get him to his house after school.

So there he sat at Hans's desk scribbling in his History notebook when he heard "Hello? Jan?" coming from the skate shop. The voice was familiar and Charlie practically jumped up at it and walked out to come face to face with Adam Banks.

Adam actually jumped when he saw Charlie, his skates flew out of his hands and onto the floor. He was drenched from the rain. Charlie ran over and helped him pick up his things. They looked up at each other when Charlie handed them back to him and Adam backed away from him slowly.

"Adam, uh –"

"Is Jan here?" he managed out.

"Uh, no. Just me,"

He nodded slowly. "Oh, um . . . I don't want to bother you . . . I just –"

"Adam, why are you here? This is the worst storm in years. You shouldn't be coming here to get your god damn skates sharpened,"

"My dad – um, he asked me to – he wants me to be on my game tomorrow. You know, there's gonna be scouts there and I've got to start thinking about those things and . . . anyway, I just – sorry. Um, I should go –"

Charlie pulled him back before he could leave. Adam looked down from his arm and then back up at him. "I can sharpen them for you," said Charlie.

"No, I – I don't want to bother you,"

"It's no big deal, really," Charlie shrugged and took the skates from him. Adam kept trying to argue with him, but he ignored it. He took the skates over to the machine and turned it on. As he waited for it to heat up, he leaned back on the counter. "You drove here right? You didn't like – take the bus or something?"

"No, uh, yeah. I drove," said Adam.

"Do you want a towel or something? You're all wet –" Charlie walked to the backroom and tossed the towel at Adam who ran it through his hair a couple of times.

"Thank you,"

"Mmmhmm," Charlie took one the skates and began running them over the sharpener over and over again. Adam watched him do it, although he was thinking more about Charlie's hands more than anything. How strong and graceful they were and he felt stupid thinking that because he couldn't afford to think like that anymore.

The boys were silent all the way until the time Charlie turned off machine and handed his skates back to him. Adam started to pull his wallet from his pocket, but Charlie stopped him. "No, uh, this one's on me,"

Adam smiled. "Thanks,"

He turned to leave again but Charlie couldn't let that happen. He had felt so guilty lately like he wasn't being a good enough friend to Adam even though he should be. Everyone else was avoiding him and Charlie didn't want to do that. He wanted to be by his side. "Wait, Adam – I . . . you know . . . do you want to stay here for the night?"  
Adam raised his eyebrows, confused. "I uh, I'm staying here in Hans's old room. You could stay over. We could hang out, have some beers, talk. The two of us don't really talk anymore, we should talk."

Adam heard Julie's voice in his head then, saying "Go for it, idiot!" but his own voice was telling him "No. Don't do this. You're gonna end up being all gay and shit." The part of his brain that wasn't rational, the part that had convinced him to come out in the first place said "Yeah, sure."

And then he realized he'd said it out loud by Charlie's charming smile and the way butterflies entered his stomach. Charlie took the skates from him and placed them on the counter. He motioned for Adam to follow him. He did, trying to be as quiet as possible.

Charlie led him to a room in the back that Adam had never seen in all the times he'd been there. It was a bedroom. Before he could even ask about it, Charlie said, "This is uh, this is it. Hans' old room."

"Why are you staying here?" Adam asked.

Charlie hid his face. "It's a, uh, it's a long story,"

He wanted to question it further, wanted to ask if everything was okay at home but he knew he wouldn't like the answer. Charlie reached under his bed and pulled out a six pack of beer. He lifted it onto the bed. He noticed Adam's surprised expression and smirked, "When I said drink, I meant drink. Y'know, loosen you up a bit. I mean damn, Banksy, you couldn't be any tighter,"

The sexual way that could've been taken didn't go past Adam and he blushed. He knew that they had a game the following day, but a few drinks couldn't hurt. He never got totally shitfaced anyway. So he sat down on the bed next to Charlie, a little farther from him than necessary. Charlie cracked open a can and handed it to him and then did the same for himself.

They both took quiet sips and then Charlie said, "My mom and I left my stepdad,"

Adam nearly choked on his beer. He had always been a teammate of Charlie's and it was his dream to call himself a friend of his, but he never thought that he would be a confidante for him. Of all people, why would Charlie choose him to confide in? He was just Adam. He didn't know what to say in response, so he didn't say anything. "He was . . . he was . . . beating her. He's been beating her for years and I try so hard to keep her safe but I just – I finally got her to leave,"

Adam was the first person Charlie had told (aside from Jan). He didn't know what had come over him, why he suddenly decided that Banks of all people was the best person to tell but he was. He was quiet. He wouldn't say anything about it. He wouldn't tell him what to do like Linda or say something like "that's fucked up" like Fulton or put her head on his shoulder and pity him like Connie. Adam would listen to him and he did.

"It's uh – I guess it's stupid that we didn't go sooner but I guess she just wanted to believe that the pain was all in her head. Like . . . it wasn't real but the love was," he sighed. "It was the other way around,"

"I'm sorry," said Adam.

Charlie nodded. "It's fine now, though. We're here, we're away from him,"

"Are they getting divorced?"

"Can't afford a lawyer,"

"Bombay?"

He shook his head. "Nah, she's too embarrassed. Doesn't want him to know,"

Adam didn't even have to think before he said, "You know, my dad – my dad, he um, he has a um, he has a lawyer. I could um, maybe, y'know, if you want – I could get him for you,"

Charlie's entire face lit up. "Seriously?"

Adam nodded. "Only if you want,"

"No, I – that would be great! Thank you! That's like – the coolest fucking thing anyone's ever done for me! Thank you!" Charlie jumped forward and wrapped his arm around Adam who could do nothing but pat him awkwardly on the back. They pulled apart and Charlie patted his shoulder and then took a swig of beer. "Seriously, Adam, thank you!"

"It's no big deal. Just let me talk to my dad,"

"Yeah, of course! Thanks, man!"

Adam nodded and then the two of them were quiet again. Charlie's excitement died down and the two of them sipped at their beers awkwardly until they each needed another one. When Charlie was nearly half way done with his second one, he said blatantly, "How did you know you were gay?"

Once again, Adam nearly choked. This was the last fucking thing he wanted to talk about, especially with Charlie of all people. Charlie on the other hand was tipsy and in a curious mood and he was feeling so elated about the whole lawyer thing he couldn't help but ask something he'd been wondering. More than usual lately.

"I . . . you know . . . I guess I . . . just knew,"

Charlie turned to him. "Like when other guys turn twelve and they start looking at Playboys?"

Adam nodded. "Yeah, I guess except no Playboys,"

"So did you like – did you always know, though? I mean, did you look at boys instead of girls, always?"

"I don't really – I mean, I don't try and look at anyone. Being on the ice is more important to me than anything. I couldn't look at someone like that – or, I don't know, maybe just people. I couldn't look at a group of men like that because . . . I don't know . . ."

"You care more about hockey than guys?"

Adam nodded. It wasn't a lie. As much as he loved Charlie, he loved hockey more and he didn't think there was a force anywhere that could change that.

Charlie finished his beer. "I don't – I don't think you should have another," said Adam. "Game tomorrow,"

He nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right,"

And then there was silence again and then Charlie coughed awkwardly. "But um, you know, was there – like . . . when did you know? Like for sure?"

"I guess . . ." Adam hated talking about himself. If he could, he'd never do it again. Talking to Julie about himself was one thing because it was like – well, she was Julie and he was Adam. It just fit. She was his person. But Charlie wasn't. Charlie was just a guy he loved who didn't love him back and talking about himself to him felt unnatural. "Freshmen year, maybe."

"Did you tell anyone when you figured it out?"

"Julie,"

"Really?" Charlie said.

"She's my best friend,"

Charlie started laughing and Adam smiled and then started chuckling too. "What? What is it?"

He shook his head, "It's just – it's just, the team used to think the two of you had something going on,"

Adam laughed at that and knocked his beer can off the bed by accident, which just made Charlie giggle even more. "Oh God, that's just wrong,"

He corrected himself then, stopping his laughing and realizing he'd said something wrong. "I mean – not 'wrong' but I – y'know, I don't swing that way. If I did, I mean, yeah, we'd probably be together but I'm happy that we're not. Relationships screw everything up and what I have with Julie – it's everything to me,"

"That must be nice," said Charlie.

"You don't have a person like that?"

He shrugged. "Fulton's probably my best friend, but he's not – he's not what Julie is to you. I can't really talk to him about serious things,"

Adam understood that. That's what most of his friendships were like. Julie was special.

"So what did she say when you told her?" Charlie asked.

"I don't really remember. I was super drunk, like the most wasted I've ever been in my life and I – it kind of just came out," he realized what he'd said and smirked. "Literally, I guess,"

Adam had purposely left out the part about the crying. "I didn't know _you_ got drunk," said Charlie.

"Not anymore. I stopped after freshmen year. I get stupid when I drink – like really stupid,"

"Gimme an example."

Adam leaned back, "Like I did a bunch of stuff with girls just because fucking Reilly told me to. Actually, I guess that's how I knew I was gay – feeling nothing when you're up to your neck in pussy,"

Charlie burst out laughing and Adam joined in. He couldn't remember ever feeling this elated – it was like coming up for fresh air for the first time in days. It was easy for him to feel happy and carefree with Charlie. Before Eden Hall, things had been that way. Charlie had this amazing ability of being able to make him relax when no one else could – of course, this ability had gone away once Adam discovered his feelings, but here it was, back and just as amazing as ever.

The laughter died down slowly and all Charlie could think about was Adam being gay. He couldn't think of an explanation as to why it was so interesting to him and he was too tipsy to care about how Adam might feel about it.

"Lemme just – lemme ask you this," Charlie said, the bright smile still on his face. "If you had to go for any guy on the team – who would it be?"

Adam felt hot, like Charlie was reading his mind or something, like he knew all of his secrets. "I've never thought about it," he managed out.

"Oh, come on! I won't tell anyone, I swear! I'll even tell you about the sex dream I had about Julie once," Charlie nudged his shoulder. He was being so goofy, but he couldn't help it. This was the first time he'd felt genuinely happy in weeks.

Adam ignored the sex dream about Julie bit and shrugged, "I don't know – like I said, hockey's more important. And having a thing for a team mate never works out well, just look at Connie and Guy,"

Charlie made a face and Adam didn't know what it was meant to express, but he sure looked cute. "Connie and Guy love each other. They're both just stubborn and dumb. But if you're not stubborn, love is great! Now come on, if everyone on the team was gay, who would you go for?"

Adam got an idea then. He smiled wickedly. "Okay, well if _you_ were gay and everyone on the team was gay, who would _you_ go for?"

"Honestly?"

Adam nodded.

When thinking about this later on, Charlie would blame the alcohol for his bluntness because that was the only good excuse he could think of. It was a stupid thing to think of and an even stupider thing to say but the worst part of it was that it was the truth. "You."

And it was at that exact moment that Adam felt the whole world fall on his shoulders. Charlie sat in front of him and Charlie was saying this to him. It wasn't like it was a dream or some fantasy he was having in homeroom – no, this was real life. He'd fantasized about this a million times but that's all it ever was to him, a fantasy. And now with Charlie right there, he just sort of let the words flow out of him without thinking first. "Why? Why me? You don't – you don't have to say that,"

"I'm not just saying that," Charlie says and he thinks this might be the most sincere he's ever been with anyone. "I mean it. I mean, you're nice and you're a great hockey player and you – you understand,"

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I can be myself with you. I don't have to hide things and I don't know if I feel that way with anyone else," Charlie moved closer to him, but he didn't know he was doing it. All he was focused on was Adam.

"We don't . . . we don't talk," Adam recalled, trying to find some way to test whether or not this was real.

"We used to," said Charlie. "Remember?"

"That was before Eden Hall,"

There was a quiet moment between them before Charlie said, "Yeah, but it's still there. You know like, when I look at you at practice I think about how you're so quiet and it's easy to forget you're there off the ice but I don't. You know?"

When Adam didn't say anything, Charlie continued. "I mean, like, you're special. No one knows anything about you because you keep to yourself and you don't get involved in other people's business and on the Ducks that's a rare thing. Everyone knows everything about everyone but you don't want to. It's like you don't even care. All you care about is hockey! I mean – fuck. I didn't mean that to be a bad thing but you like, you uh, you like hockey best! And I guess you must really like us because you came out to us and the guys don't like it but –"

"The guys don't like it?"

In Charlie's alcohol clouded mind, he'd forgotten that he was trying to keep certain things under wraps from Adam. But then he remembered that Adam already knew this and Adam smiled to let him know he was joking.

They laughed together again.

"See, that's what I mean! I love these moments where you open up and they're so rare and I don't get to be around for them but if I went gay for you I'd get to see them all the time,"

Adam's laughter died down and he stared at Charlie's lips, his blue eyes popping in the dimly lit room. They were closer together now than before and without thinking, Charlie put his hand on Adam's waist. He looked down at his hand and then back at his lips and slowly their lips met. Adam pulled apart quickly, looking angry with himself.

"I – I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head.

Charlie paused and considered this for a mere moment before saying, "Don't be," He planted his lips firmly on Adam's and tangled his hands in his hair and after a few seconds, Adam kissed him back.

It was better than anything Adam had ever experienced. He'd imagined kissing Charlie a million times but never did he think that it would actually happen. He was the best thing in the world, Charlie was. Adam wrapped his own hands around Charlie, moving them off his face and they found each other's waists. Charlie pulled at Adam's shirt and Adam pulled back, letting him toss the shirt over his head. They kissed again instantly, not wanting to be apart for longer than was necessary. And then Charlie pulled off his own sweater and pushed Adam down on the bed so that he was on top of him, kissing him more desperately than ever.

They stayed that way for what felt like forever and neither of them minded. For both Adam and Charlie, the last few months had been some of the worst of their lives and this was the first _good_ thing to happen in so long. It felt right. It felt real. Adam wasn't thinking about hockey. Charlie wasn't thinking about where he was going to live. All they were thinking about was each other.

And then the kissing stopped and Charlie looked at Adam under hooded eyes and it took every ounce of willpower Adam had not to pop a boner – but then he looked down and saw that he already had. Charlie too, had noticed. His lips pressed against Adam's neck then and he let out a soft groan. He kissed all around his jaw and then down his neck, chest and when he got to his jeans, he stopped. "Charlie, we don't have to –" Adam said quickly, embarrassed by how raspy his voice was.

"Shut up," Charlie shook his head and unzipped his pants and then pulled down his boxers. Adam didn't want to watch Charlie pull out his dick – he didn't want to see if his face would be disappointed. But Charlie didn't even allow time to think. He wrapped his hand around Adam and started jerking him off hard and fast.

Adam laid back on the mattress and he could watch this part because this had to be the hottest thing he'd ever seen in his life. He was so distracted that he hadn't even thought about getting Charlie off until he looked at him and saw that he was just as hard. Adam sat up slowly and Charlie stopped. "What's wrong?"

Adam responded by moving to sit next to Charlie and pulling out his dick, jerking it like he would his own. Charlie surprised Adam by moaning loudly and throwing his head back. He quickly snapped himself out of it and began stroking Adam like before.

Adam came first and it took another two or so minutes to get Charlie there. Charlie came with a hard groan that ended in their lips being pressed together once more.

And then Charlie started laughing. Laughing so hard that Adam had to pull away from their kiss and when he did, Adam furrowed his brow, concerned. "What?"

"We just did it in Hans's bed,"

Adam stuck his tongue out in disgust but Charlie's easy laughter made him giggle too and before he knew it, the two of them were lying down on the bed again. Neither of them had realized how completely exhausted they were and within minutes, they were passed out asleep. Charlie would later wonder how he got any sleep at all that night and Adam would wonder why he didn't wake Charlie up so they could talk about what had just happened.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: So yeah. That happened. I know that some of you aren't too fond of the Charlie/Adam relationship but as a queer woman putting LGBT relationships into my work is very important. I have this entire work mapped out and I hope I will not disappoint you with where things go! Please let me know what you think.


	14. pucks & presumptions

Charlie woke up on Saturday morning to find that Adam was no longer next to him and in his place was a note that said simply ‘See you at the game.’ He had no time to think about the previous night’s events because he hadn’t set his alarm and he needed to get to the school to catch the bus to their away game. Jan and his mother had both already left, which meant he’d have to take the bus, which just made him even later.

When he finally arrived fifteen minutes late, Orion was standing outside the school bus with his arms crossed. “Conway, didn’t I specifically say ten thirty?”

“I’m sorry, Coach, I had to catch a –“

“I don’t want any excuses. Everyone else was here on time. Do you really think it’s fair to them if I let you play when they were all here?”

Charlie opened his mouth in shock. “Coach, I’m the captain!”

“And as captain, you shouldn’t have been late,” Orion motioned to the door. “Just get on the bus,”

Charlie wanted to question him but he knew that it would just make things worse for him. He climbed the three steps and was greeted with dirty looks from the team but no one said anything because Orion was right behind him. Adam was sitting in the very front and he smiled at Charlie when he saw him, but Charlie couldn’t find it in him to smile back. He would use the excuse that he was pissed off at Orion, but he knew that wasn’t the truth. On the ride to the school, he’d thought a lot about it and those thoughts led to deep shame. He was straight, for God’s sake. Why had he done that with Adam? He hadn’t even been drunk. Charlie had run through a hundred possible reasons and none of them had many sense to him so his only plan for the moment was to avoid Adam for as long as he could until things starting making sense again.

He took a seat in the very back of the bus next to Fulton and Guy just as the engine started. Russ and Goldberg immediately turned their heads to face them. “Did you hear what happened?!”

For a second, Charlie’s heart fell into his stomach and then he remembered that they weren’t talking about him. “What?” said Fulton.

“Connie and Luis!” Russ whisper-yelled.

Fulton scoffed, “No way,”

“Swear to God! Luis told Kenny!” Goldberg nodded, confirming the story.

“That’s disgusting,” Charlie said, but he was grateful there was some gossip to distract him from his own issues.

“And that’s not even the weirdest part! It was at her house right after the whole not funny prank,” added Goldberg.

Fulton shook his head again. “Why would she do that? Luis is such a pig,”

“Who cares?” Russ nodded to near the front of the bus where Connie and Luis were sitting together. He was twirling her hair around his finger and she was giggling, hitting him playfully. “The Connie and Guy soap opera just keeps getting more and more interesting, wouldn’t you say, Guy?”

Guy, who had been noticeably silent, made a face. “Fuck off, Russ,”

Charlie remembered what Connie had said back at her house the day of the prank. “Did you really call her a whore?”

“No! I mean – I called her _promiscuous,”_

Russ sucked in a breath and squeezed his nose with his hand. “What?” said Guy.

“That’s worse than calling her a whore,” said Fulton and Russ and Goldberg nodded in agreement. “That’s basically like you were calling her that in a nice way which means you thought about it before you said it,”

Charlie knew that Guy would never say a bad word about Connie and that he probably hadn’t meant it like that. But still, he felt a rush of defensiveness over Connie and shook his head with the rest of the boys. “Not cool, man,”

“Everyone else has called her way worse! You called her a bitch the other day, Goldberg!”

“She’s not in love with me,”

Guy’s face softened. “If she’s so in love with me then why is she with Luis?”

“Because _he’s_ a whore,” said Russ.

Guy stared across the aisle at Connie, who looked much happier than she had recently. Charlie remembered the two of them when the Ducks had first started and how Guy used to be able to make her smile like that and he felt sad and nostalgic. He’d been hoping for years that Connie and Guy would get back together and while now it just seemed hopeless, he wanted it now more than ever.

“Whatever,” said Fulton, sensing how uncomfortable everyone was getting. “Uh, Portman’s getting out Monday. Julie, my mom and I are going over to get him if you guys wanna come,”

“I’m really happy he’s doing better,” Charlie said sincerely. He felt guilty that he hadn’t been there for Fulton as much as he should’ve been during this time.

“He and the Cat are spending an awful lot of time together,” said Russ. “Anything going on there?”

Fulton smirked and said bashfully, “I think he likes her but he’s not gonna admit it. Ever,”

Nobody said anything to that out of surprise. They all knew that Portman considered them friends, but he never outwardly showed any sort of affection towards them unless it was on the ice. The prospect of him liking Julie was too odd for any of them to comprehend and therefore, they had nothing to say it.

Meanwhile at the front of the bus, Adam was tapping his foot anxiously and Julie was watching him from the corner of her eye. She and Adam were supposed to meet at the rink at eight thirty to get in some extra practice, but Adam had called her around eight telling her he couldn’t make it. Adam turning down practice time was weird in general, but what was weirder was that he was whispering. He had his own line, there was no need for him to be whispering.

“What’s going on?” she asked him quietly as the bus passed over a pothole.

Adam was snapped back into reality by the sound of her voice, but he still looked very out of it. “What’d you say?”

“You seem distracted. Did something happen?

He blushed and looked away from her, smiling just the tiniest bit. It was a look that Julie rarely saw from Adam – he always looked anxious or confused. Never happy. Him smiling made her smile and she poked him in the ribs. “C’mon, what’s up?”

He shook his head, giggling.

“Tell me,” she insisted in a playful tone, but she really did want to know what was going on.

Adam looked her over like he was considering whether or not he could trust her. After about twenty seconds of this, he sighed and leaned in close to her. “I hooked up with someone,” he whispered.

“SHUT UP!” Julie said louder than she should have which drew some attention from Dwayne and Ken. Adam shushed her. “Sorry, sorry. Spill.”

Adam checked to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “I, uh . . . I mean . . . what do you want to know?”

Julie was too afraid of speaking at all now and she mouthed “It was a boy, right?”

He blushed again and nodded. She covered her mouth and raised her eyebrows, shocked. “But – how? I mean – you’re the only – well, not the only, but the only one we know about,”

“I don’t know either,” he explained. “I still think it was a dream or something,”

“Who was it?”

This time, Adam swallowed hard. Julie knew that he thought that if he said it out loud that it really would be a dream. And then when she thought hard about the word ‘dream’ she gasped quietly and her mouth formed a perfect O. “Charlie?” she mouthed.

“I’m not saying anything,” Adam smirked and turned away, looking awfully proud of himself.

Julie slapped him again, trying to process this. She leaned back against the seat and blew out some air from between her teeth. “Is there something in the water because everyone is getting some this week. I mean, God Damn,”

“I mean – it wasn’t like _sex_ sex,” he turned back to her shyly.

“Well, then what was it?”

Adam’s face reddened completely. It had been a running joke amongst the team for years how uncomfortable Adam got when the subject of sex was brought up. Julie and Connie always insisted that it was just him being polite (and it was, along with him being painfully shy), but the boys insisted that it was him being ‘a fag.’

“Would you feel more comfortable if I just guessed?”

He nodded and didn’t look her in the eye.

Julie wasn’t comfortable talking about sex either but she really, really wanted to know what had gone down. Damn. Adam and Charlie. Charlie and Adam. She couldn’t believe it. “Um . . . like . . .” she took a breath, turned Adam’s face so she could look him in the eye and said just above a whisper “. . . oral?”

He shook his head.

“Then . . . the other?”

He nodded.

Ever since Adam had accidentally told her how he felt about Charlie freshmen year, she’d paid extra close attention to their interactions. Adam hadn’t brought it up again until a few weeks prior, but there had always been signs. Like the way Adam would inconspicuously watch him in class or how he always stayed later than everyone to change so he and Charlie could walk out together. She’d only been paying attention to Adam because Charlie was like the straightest straight boy. He always had a new girlfriend and their sex life was always the talk of the school. But Adam wouldn’t lie to her and he wouldn’t joke about something like that so obviously she’d been way off. Could Charlie be gay? Was all that he’d said about gay people at that party based on a repressed sexuality? She didn’t know whether or not she should be happy about this hook up. It wasn’t like it had been some random guy – it had been _Charlie,_ the one person who Adam had ever liked that way. And Adam was so sensitive. Away from the whole romance-only-liking-Charlie-sex-being-a-difficult-subject-for-him thing, Adam rarely really cared about anything. He _loved_ hockey and he was dedicated to his schoolwork, but other than that, it was hard for him to get attached to things. Charlie, however, loved everything. Hooking up with Adam might not be a big deal for him – it might be something that just happened and if he decided it was a one time thing, he’d bounce back. But Adam would be crushed. Julie couldn’t say any of this to Adam because she didn’t want to upset him but she also didn’t want him to get his hopes up. It was a difficult situation all around.

Even once they were inside the Ramsey Rhinos’ visitor locker room, Guy couldn’t get the image of Connie and Luis out of his head. He’d barely said a word since Goldberg and Russ told him and he didn’t care how noticable and obvious this was probably was to everyone. It just didn’t make any sense! Okay – it did. Connie was attractive, Luis was attractive. They both enjoyed sex. They were friends. But still . . . what had happened to Connie’s not doing it with anyone on the team thing? It wasn’t like Luis had taken advantage of her or anything because she seemed so happy around him today.

“You alright, man?” Ken asked him, lacing up his skates.

“What? Oh, uh, yeah. I’m fine,” he said unconvincingly.

Just then, Connie, Julie and Adam came in to the room. The three of them were all giggling about something, which just pissed Guy off even further because he was almost positive it had something to do with Luis. He was trying so hard not to watch Connie, trying to tell himself that her and Luis had nothing to do with him but unless Connie didn’t look over at him and smirk menacingly, he had no proof. She was currently helping Dwayne get his jersey over his pads – not paying Guy any attention.

“Hey, Guy, can you hand me my bandana?” asked Luis. Anger boiled inside of Guy as the image of him and Connie popped into his head. He felt offended that Luis had the nerve to even speak to him, let alone ask him for favors. It was only when Guy looked across from him at the mirror on the wall that he realized how stupid he was being. He wasn’t an angry person. Luis was his friend and he didn’t get to have any say about who Connie went around with. He had Alexa, who he loved and would do anything for.

Guy looked down at the floor where Luis’s bandana had fell. He picked it up and tossed it over to him.

“Thanks, man,”

Orion came into the room and everyone quieted down once they saw him. He looked around uncomfortably and cleared his throat a few times, “I just want to say – that um . . . I really think we should win this one for Portman,”

No one said anything at first. Fulton looked like he was going to tear up at the mention of his friend and Julie was smiling brightly, but other than that, the awkwardness was apparent. Finally, Charlie stood up next to Orion. “For Portman,”

Orion looked at Charlie like he was trying not to roll his eyes, but he wasn’t trying hard enough. It was an act that was easy to see through. “You’re still not playing, Charlie,” he said.

“But Coach -!”

“You can’t let him not play! We’ve lost two games already!” said Connie.

“We need him!” Ken agreed.

“Well then he shouldn’t have been late. I don’t make exceptions. You should know that by now,” Orion said and turned to leave.

There was an audible groan from nearly everyone. “Nice going, Spazway,” said Goldberg, hitting the captain on the side of the head. Charlie ignored him and followed Orion out to the rink, and everyone else followed suit.

Fulton was irritated – not at Charlie, really, but just because he was pretty sure they were gonna lose without him. He really wanted to win this one game, give Portman some good news, and inspire him to keep getting better. A loss was just going to piss his friend off and probably tempt him into finding an outlet to take it out. He didn’t express this, though. He never fucking expressed anything.

The Ramsey Rhinos were already skating around the rink by the time the Ducks got to the sidelines. Charlie took a seat on the bench right away in a huff, kicking his foot against the wall. Adam sucked in a breath and decided to go over to him. He was feeling pretty brave after last night.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked quietly, while the rest of the Ducks gathered in a circle.

“Do I look okay, Banks?” It was a far more aggressive tone than Adam was expecting and he was taken aback, so much so, he literally stepped back. Charlie hadn’t even looked at him, which was the worst part.

“Oh – um . . . okay. Sorry,”

“Banks! Get over here!” called Orion.

Adam blushed, feeling like he’d just been caught with his pants around his ankles and hurried over. He felt as though everyone could see right through him, like they knew of his indiscretion. This was proven to him by the way Luis moved away from him as he entered the circle and the way Julie had winked at him – and then he remembered that Luis only knew that he was gay and Julie was the only one who actually knew the truth. Unless Charlie had told someone, which by the way he was acting, Adam was pretty sure he hadn’t.

“Ready? On three,” said Orion, once everyone (minus Charlie)’s hands were stacked on top of each other. “Quack . . .”

“Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, GO DUCKS!” chanted the team. They all clapped – much less enthusiastically as maybe they would’ve before and anyone who knew Charlie wasn’t playing couldn’t have blamed them. One by one, the Ducks headed out onto the ice.

“What’s this, folks? It looks as if team captain Charlie Conway is sitting this one out!” came the announcer Josh’s voice. “With a tough first loss and one of the famed bash brothers out, this is certainly going to be a tough one for the Eden Hall Ducks,”

Julie rolled her eyes as she headed into the goal. Goldberg and Fulton took their places in front of her and turned back to wish her good luck. She didn’t need luck, it was the rest of them that did.

Adam stood center on the front line between Russ and Ken.

“We got this, boys,” said Russ.

Ken smiled in agreement.

The Rhinos’ front line gets ready in front of them. The center is a burly, mean looking guy with huge teeth that stuck out in different directions. He looked at the Ducks and scoffed, “Faggots,”

Russ’s mouth opened and half a sound came out, before Ken spoke up before him. “That word is a slur and you sound ignorant when you say it,”

The player in front of Russ chuckled, “Whatever, homo,”

“Lay off the pizza and then talk to us, okay?” said Russ, laughing at his own comment.

The player took a step towards Russ but stopped when the referee stepped between the teams. He gave both boys a look. “Let’s have a nice clean game, alright, boys?”

Neither team said anything. The ref looked between the two of them and then rolled his eyes when it was apparent he wasn’t getting a response. Adam and the Rhinos’ center put both their sticks harshly down the ice. The ref slid his whistle into his mouth and then dropped the puck down on the ice. The sound of the whistle blowing rang throughout the rink.

“Adam Banks with the puck! He slides past Rhinos captain Ron Jeffries without difficulty . . . dives behind defenseman Andreas Swanson . . . and he passes to Ken Wu! Wu passes to Russ Tyler – is it knucklepuck time, folks? – and no! Tyler passes back to Banks, he shoots, he scores!” Announcer Josh’s voice informs the crowd with his usual enthusiasm.

Russ and Ken highfived Adam and he felt himself smiling. Looking out into the crowd, he easily found his father talking to two men in suits. This was the exact kind of attention that he needed. The Ducks and the Rhinos headed back to their places. “Nice one, Cake eater!” said Fulton from behind them and Adam nodded a thank you.

The whistle blew again.

“Banks shouldn’t get too cocky because right away, Jeffries takes control of the puck! This is Jeffries’ second year as a senior at Ramsey High School, here’s hoping he graduates this time around, am I right, folks? Jeffries is trapped between the Ducks’ defense, Fulton Reed and Greg Goldberg! Without his fellow bash brother, Fulton looks a little lost but hopefully – OH MY! Never mind! Fulton knocks Jeffries to the ground – Goldberg has the puck . . . he passes over to Wu . . . Wu narrowly misses a block from Tom Kessler . . . the puck is slid over to Russ Tyler . . . Tyler is blocked by Kessler! Rhinos with the puck! Johnny Marks is being tailed closely by Banks – Ducks fans will know that Banks has been called the next Wayne Gretzky, lets hope he can make the Great One proud! Banks takes the puck following an excellent block from Goldberg and . . . he evades Kessler and Jack Byers . . . he shoots! He scores! The score is 2-0 with the Ducks in the lead following a difficult start of the season!”

Adam felt himself fill with pride as Russ rubs his helmet and pats him on the back. Orion calls for a line change – the three boys switch with Connie, Luis and Averman.

The ref blows his whistle.

“Les Averman faces off against Jeffries – Jeffries nabs the puck! He misses a block from Goldberg . . . Connie Moreau has control of the puck! She skates past Marks but is stopped by Kessler! Kessler passes to Byers, Byers passes to Marks! Marks has quite a bit of open ice as Averman and Moreau seem to be slacking off a bit and . . . he shoots! He scores,” Josh was clearly less excited about the Rhinos scoring, which didn’t go unnoticed by the Ramsey teacher next to him who began applauding loudly.

Charlie stood up from his seat and approached Orion in the rough way that he sometimes did when his temper got the better of him. “C’mon Coach, please put me in!”

“Sit down, Conway, you’re not going in,”

“But there’s scouts out there!”

“Then you shouldn’t have been late. Sit your ass down,”

Charlie shook his head and sat back down reluctantly. The rest of the first quarter went by without anything all that interesting taking place. Fulton accidentally took out Goldberg at one point, which led to Orion putting Dwayne in to replace him – much to Dwayne’s dismay. Adam scored two more times, with Connie and Ken each scoring once as well. Guy spent most of this quarter on the bench next to Charlie, looking just as pissed off as he, and Charlie knew that it had nothing to do with his lack of ice time. Charlie, however, was trying his best not to look at Adam at all. He was so embarrassed by what had happened the night before and now he was just angry that it had caused him to lose focus and be late for this game. And Adam was out there, completely fine! He was killing it, actually. It pissed Charlie off for reasons he couldn’t explain. The one thing he could explain was that he didn’t want to be anywhere near Adam right now.

At the start of the second quarter, Orion started Guy at center, with Connie and Luis as left and right wing. Goldberg and Averman couldn’t stop laughing at this, and they didn’t stop making comments until Julie threatened to tell the cheerleading squad how small their dicks were.

“Guy Germaine takes the puck! This isn’t too shocking, ladies and gentleman, Guy has always been one of the best Ducks in this announcer’s opinion – Germaine slides the puck to Moreau. Moreau passes to Mendoza . . . Mendoza charges the goal – he’s known for his speed . . . he shoots . . . Kessler blocks it! Kessler passes to Swanson, Swanson passes to Jeffries – Germaine intercepts the pass! He slides the puck to Moreau . . . Moreau slides to Mendoza . . . he shoots! He scores! The Ducks lead with 6-3.”

Orion lets out a breath and switches the line up straight away, replacing them with Dwayne, Goldberg and Fulton. This line didn’t work particularly well either and were replaced by Adam, Averman and Russ. Russ knucklepucking and scoring was the only thing of real note – and right after that, the Rhinos scored twice. It was pretty clear to everyone that Orion wasn’t sure if he should put Adam in or not because he didn’t want it to seem like he was showcasing him. But all of the Ducks really wanted a big win this time. So by the time the second quarter ended, Julie skated over from her goal and pulled off her mask, “Coach, put Adam back in,”

Adam didn’t tell her to stop, but he was clearly embarrassed.

“There are actually other players on this team, you know, Julie,” Orion raised his eyebrow at her.

“No Coach, she’s right. We want to win. Put Banks in,” said Averman. Noises of agreement followed from Fulton, Goldberg and Russ.

Orion looked around at the rest of the team, only to see no one protesting. His eyes flickered to Charlie. “What do you think, Captain?”

Anyone else would’ve taken this as a sign that Orion really wasn’t mad at Charlie, he’d just been disappointed. Charlie, however, just shook his head and shrugged, “Whatever,”  
   Adam could feel his heart drop. The only approval he really wanted was from Charlie and he clearly wasn’t getting it today. Julie sensed his let down and laced a finger around one of his. He squeezed it to let her know she appreciated it.

“Well then, Banks, I guess you’re in,”

Ken and Connie both clapped him on the back and wished him luck while the other Ducks all let out similar sighs of relief. It was undeniable that Adam was definitely back on his game after a difficult two weeks.

The third quarter began shortly after with Adam, Ken and Guy all on front line with Fulton and Russ on defense.

“The Ducks are clearly playing to their strengths with Adam Banks, number 99, back on center for the third and final quarter. The last game that Banks played he was thrown out from – a first for the star player. Let’s hope that he can get over that and win this one for Eden Hall,” said Josh.

Guy laughed sarcastically and looked over at Adam. “You got this, Banks,”

The ref blew his whistle.

“Banks takes the puck! He narrowly misses a shove from Kessler – pretty amateur move there from Kessler, honestly – Reed and Tyler protect Banks from blocks from Byers and Swanson and . . . he scores! The Ducks lead with 8 to 5,”

The only cheer Adam can make out is Julie’s amongst the arena. He can’t find his father’s, but when he looks over, he’s chatting it up with one of the men in suits again. Charlie is still sitting there, looking uninterested. _Was I that bad?_ is all Adam can think.

The ref’s whistle blows again.

“Kessler has the puck . . . he takes a tough knock from Wu, who’s known amongst long time Ducks fans as the third bash brother . . . Germaine with the puck . . . Germaine passes back to Banks. Swanson tries to block but he misses . . . he shoots, he scores!”

Adam didn’t know what it was – why he was so on his game today when he was so confused about his current situation with Charlie but he was. And it continued for the rest of the quarter until the Ducks won 11-5. Their fans erupted in applause as the game came to a close and the Ducks rushed to the ice as the Rhinos left with their faces down (“Who’s the faggot now?” Russ called after them). Orion actually came over to shake Adam’s hand, and he was then enveloped into a big hug by Julie, who was shaking with excitement. Connie and Luis threw their helmets off and kissed each other with more passion than was acceptable. Dwayne, Ken and Russ were all jumping together in a tight knit little circle.

Guy had left as soon as the game ended to go and find Alexa and get out of there. He couldn’t bring himself to care about the win, all he wanted was to go home.

Adam was going to go and see if Charlie wanted to talk, but he was stopped by his father, who motioned for him to come over. Adam walked out of the rink tentatively and approached his father with caution, who grabbed him by the neck affectionately. “My boy did great, wouldn’t ya say, Earl?”

The man in the suit smiled at Adam and held out his hand. Adam shook it. “Earl Baxter, nice to meet you, Mr. Banks. We’ve heard quite a bit about you,”

 _“We_ is the NHL Central Scouting Bureau, Adam,” said Adam’s father.

His face went red instantly. “Oh, uh, nice to meet you too, sir,”

“That was an amazing performance out there,” said Earl Baxter.

“Thank you, I really appreciate that,”

“You’ve been playing like that your whole life?”

“Uh . . . well . . . I don’t know, I have off games –“

Mr. Banks scoffed. “Don’t be modest, Adam. Yes, he’s always played like that. Natural talent in this one, but he trains hard. Doesn’t slack off,”

Adam couldn’t have been more flustered. He hated when his dad talked about him like that. Earl Baxter looked back at Adam and grinned, “Well, Adam, I want you to know that I’m going to continue looking at you for the early draft,”

“The draft of . . . the draft of the NHL?”

He nodded. “You’re way too talented to just go straight to juniors. We’ve been watching you for years now,”

“Wow – th-thank you. I really – just, wow. Thank you so much,”

Earl shook his hand again and handed him a card. “Here’s my card. Call me if you have any questions,”

“Thank you – I do. I mean, I will,”

As Earl walked away, Adam’s father dropped his grasp on his son’s father and laughed happily, turning to him. To anyone else, this would’ve been the sign of a proud dad, but Adam knew his father well. He knew that all his father was proud of was the fact that he could raise a child that could make it to the NHL. It had nothing to do with Adam, and everything to do with him. His smile quickly turned into a frown.

“You’re not to screw this up, you hear me? This could be your big break. Our big break,” The emphasis was on the ‘our.’ “Now we can talk about you not coming home last night at home, but that shit can’t happen again. People are watching you now. Important people,”

Adam thought back to last night. “This shit can’t happen again” wasn’t an understatement. It was pretty clear that Charlie wasn’t all that happy with what had happened the night before, even if they hadn’t spoken about it yet. He could just tell. He liked to think he could always tell what Charlie was thinking. And as much as he hated to admit it, his dad was right. Hockey was Adam’s one true love and it always would be. That was what he needed to focus on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys! Please leave a review xoxo


	15. benefits & bed fellows

    Connie sat at the counter at Bischopp’s Diner feeling thankful for the way life was going. They’d won big yesterday and Luis had offered to take her out to lunch the following day to celebrate. She was happier than she had been in weeks and it felt like things were turning around – she hadn’t even thought about Guy yesterday. Though today, she’d been rifling through her desk drawers looking for some homework that Julie had asked for and instead she’d discovered her eighth grade math notebook. At first, Connie was confused as to why she’d kept such a useless thing, until she read “Connie + Guy, Forever and Always” written in Guy’s handwriting on the cover. Of course, she remembered now. She’d hardly done any math that year and had spent most of that class daydreaming about her then boyfriend and all of her scribbles within the pages were evidence of that.

    Things couldn’t have been more different now. She and Guy weren’t speaking and she was dating another Duck. Well, not exactly dating. Luis didn’t want to put a label on what they were, which Connie agreed was a good idea. Labels and official relationships just complicated things. They were having fun – why ruin fun? Thinking about her friend brought a blush to Connie’s cheeks as she brushed some hair out of her face, waiting for Luis to show. He was already ten minutes late, though it was expected. He was usually late to practice as well.

    What wasn’t expected was Guy tapping her on the shoulder and greeting her with a soft smile. Connie huffed inwardly, she really couldn’t go anywhere without him popping up to ruin it. “Great game yesterday,”

    She raised her eyebrows at him, her happiness instantly down the drain. “’Great game?’ That’s all you have to say to me?”

    “Connie, I already apologized for what I said. I’d never think any of less of you because of your choices. You’re my friend and every nice thing I ever said about you, I meant,” His face was genuine, as was his tone, and Connie believed his words, but couldn’t find it in her not to be annoyed. He’d still said it. And besides, they had other problems aside from just that.

    “You’re still letting your girlfriend boss you around into ending a friendship that we’ve had since kindergarten,”

    Guy sighed. “She’s my girlfriend, Connie. I have to do what she says – I care about her,”

    She rolled her eyes and turned even further away from him. “Exactly, which is why I have nothing else to say to you for the time being. Call me when you grow a pair,”

    “I’m talking to you now. Isn’t that good enough?”

    Boys were so dense. She’d always thought that Guy was different than the other boys, but clearly she’d been wrong. Still, she wanted to keep talking to him. Damn him. Connie repositioned herself so that she faced the chair beside her and nodded at Guy to take a seat – he did as told immediately. “I was going through some stuff today and I found my notebook from the eighth grade. And you know what’s written on the cover? ‘Connie plus Guy. Forever and Always.’ You wrote that,”

    Guy was even more confused now. “I thought you said you weren’t gonna try to get me back,”

    “Yeah, I did, I did say that and I meant it. I just want to know _why._ Why did that ‘forever and always’ turn into ‘for a little while?’”

    He sighed and grabbed at his nose with his hand, making a scrunchy face that Connie shouldn’t have found as cute as she did. “Okay, you broke up with me or did you forget that part?”

    “I was being stupid! I was being one of those stupid girls who expect guys to read their minds and you could always read mine so maybe I thought that you’d know I wasn’t serious,”

    “Alright, maybe, I did think that it was a joke or whatever at first. But then you went out with Arthur Avery and then what was I supposed to think? You found someone better and I accepted that,”

    Connie shook her head and smiled, although there was nothing to smile about. “There’s no one better than you. I don’t know why I did that. Forget I brought this up –“

    “No, I can’t. Why’d you bring it up in the first place? I have Alexa. I _love_ Alexa. What did you want from me then? What do you want from me now?”

    “I wanted you to fight for me,” she leaned in close to him so that she could be emotional without being overheard. “I wanted to make sure that you weren’t just with me because you always had been. I wanted to feel like I meant as much to you as you did to me,”

    Guy scoffed. “What about Luis? You’re with him now,”

    “Not now. I don’t want all that now,” she lied. “But I did. I wanted you to be there even when I pushed you away,”

    “Then why did you push me away?!”

    “I don’t know.”

    He stood up from the stool and patted down on the counter, as if to make some sort of point. “I think you do. I think that you gave up because I wasn’t good enough for you. I wasn’t sexy enough or interesting enough or a good enough player. You thought you could do better and you know that’s the truth,”

    How could he ever think that? Was he so dense that he didn’t know that he was Connie’s entire world? “If that’s true, then explain why every single god damn page in that notebook is littered with ‘Mrs. Connie Moreau,’ ‘Moreau-Germaine,’ ‘Germaine-Moreau,’ ‘I love Guy, he’s so great,’ ‘Guy is so amazing, I could never deserve him,’ ‘I’ll love Guy until the day I die.’ Why did I write all that if I thought I was so much better than you?”

    Guy’s eyes welled with tears and Connie almost couldn’t believe that he still maintained that he felt nothing for her. There was such an obvious connection there, did he really not feel it? Before she could consider other possibilities, Luis sauntered in and kissed her on the side of the head, not sensing any of the tension in the air. “Hey Guy, what’s up, man? You look like you just got punched in the stomach,”

    “I was uh, I was just leaving,” his voice cracked and he wiped at his nose.

    “Whatever. See ya at school,” Luis shrugged and took the seat previously occupied by Guy. Connie took his hand in hers, attempting to make it look like she didn’t care at all about her ex’s presence. She must’ve been doing a good job (either that or he hadn’t even noticed) because Luis didn’t even mention Guy’s name after that.

    But his name was the only thing on Connie’s mind and all she wanted to do was go home and cry and listen to sappy music. 

* * *

 

    Russ, Dwayne and Ken leaned against their lockers instead of going to cafeteria to eat with everyone else on Monday. Across from them were posters for the Thanksgiving Dance plastered all over the wall, advertising the ‘biggest non-Prom event of the year.’ They dreaded the stupid thing each and every year, but this time put more pressure on them than usual. They were seniors and if they showed up without dates, it’d be more embarrassment than any of them were willing to bear.

    “C’mon fellas, it’s not like we’re gonna be the only ones without dates. Averman and Goldberg won’t have any either and I don’t think Fulton’s even going,” said Dwayne.

    “Yeah, but Averman and Goldberg are Averman and Goldberg. I don’t ever want to be compared to them,” Russ noted.

    “Maybe one of us can ask Julie. She doesn’t have a date either,”

    “That’d only solve one of our problems. Besides, I heard Julie say she and Adam are going together,” Ken explained.

    Russ sighed. “They always go for the gay guys. I have to get a date. If I have to spend another dance watching Goldberg eat all the mini weenies, I’ll kill myself,”

    “The whole thing’s gonna be a bust, regardless. Connie and Guy are going to have a huge fight, everyone’s going to choose sides. Luis’ll say something homophobic and Adam’ll run to the bathroom and cry, even though he’ll tell everyone he wasn’t crying. Charlie will yell at Luis, Luis will yell back, one of us will have to break it up,” Ken couldn’t think of anything more intolerable. Sometimes he didn’t know why he put up with his teammates.

    “Be more optimistic,” said Dwayne. “It’s the last dance of the 90s, the last dance of the – the – what’s the word?”

    “Millennium,” said Russ. “You be optimistic, we’re being realistic,”

    It wasn’t like Russ hadn’t gone on dates before because he had. He just never had anyone to ask whenever events like this came around. Keeping girls interested had never been his strong suit. God, there had to be girls around that didn’t have dates either and would be willing to go with them. Damn social standards and damn girls for never having to ask the guys. A turnaround dance for once would make things so much easier. But maybe they didn’t need a turnaround dance, maybe they could come up with something else.

    “Wait a minute,” said Russ after thirty seconds of silence. “We’re not the only Ducks without dates and – how many of them have dates?”

    “Connie, Luis, Charlie, Adam, Julie, Guy. Six,” Ken answered.

    “We can work around that. What if we did one of those auction things, like in _Batman and Robin_? All the men of the Ducks – the guys with dates can just give their girls the money to bid on them. And then we give the money to a good cause or some shit to actually get people to bid on Goldberg,”

    Ken and Dwayne’s faces lit up and they exchanged grins. “That’s a mighty fine idea, Russ!”

    “It actually is, though. This’ll probably work,” Ken crossed his arms over his chest. “We just need to get Dean Buckley to sign off – which he will if it’s for charity,”

    “What’re we waiting for then?” Russ motioned towards the end of the hallway where Buckley’s office was located. Dwayne saw his outstretched hand and high fived him, tagging Ken on the back and racing him to their destination.

* * *

 

    The stupid auction that Russ was already advertising only hours after getting Buckley’s approval (and coming up with the idea in the first place) was the last thing on Charlie’s mind that afternoon. He, Fulton, Julie, Adam, Orion and Fulton’s mother were picking Portman up from rehab and to say that Charlie was nervous was an understatement. He hated hospitals. Hated them. The last time seeing Portman had been stressful enough, but this was going to be something else. Julie had said that Portman had been different lately, kinder, but Charlie didn’t know if he believed that. In his experience with addicts, they never stopped or changed. And Portman certainly wasn’t the type to quit.

    Still, he had to be there for his teammate and he could tell that Fulton needed him to be there. He kept saying “Thanks for coming, Charlie,” like Charlie had just given him a billion dollars or something. Charlie supposed that maybe it was because he hadn’t really spent time with Fulton lately, he’d been too wrapped up in his own shit. He hated thinking that maybe Fulton hadn’t expected him to show up.

    To make things more uncomfortable, Adam hadn’t stopped staring at him since Saturday. It wasn’t like Charlie could hold it against him, they had jerked each other off and that wasn’t exactly something that you could just forget about. Charlie certainly hadn’t forgotten about it. He couldn’t believe that he’d even done it. He must’ve been pretty tipsy at the time. Maybe Adam had just come on to him and unzipped his pants and Charlie wasn’t able to say no to getting off. But that didn’t seem like something Adam could do. And Charlie could vaguely remember hitting on him, even though he didn’t know why. Was he attracted to Adam? Was he attracted to men? He couldn’t be! He’d always liked women, he’d always been attracted to women. He wasn’t gay.

    Right now though, Adam didn’t look all that interested in Charlie. He was holding Julie’s hand and leading her down the hospital hallway, whispering something in her ear. Now Charlie was the one staring – why did Adam seem so much calmer than he was? Adam was the anxious one, not him. And Adam being calm and collected was making Charlie think of what they did in a bit more positive of a light. It had been fun . . . and Adam was cool . . .

    Fulton’s mother knocked on the room door as they approached, knocking Charlie out of his thoughts. Portman was standing in front of a made bed, packing clothes into a suitcase. He turned around and beamed when he saw them. “Hey!” he threw his hands around Fulton’s mom and kissed her on the cheek. “Kathy, thanks for coming,”

    Next, he shook hands with Orion and clapped Fulton on the back. “How you guys doing?” Adam and Charlie each got handshakes and Julie, a kiss on the forehead. “Nice to see you, Cat,”

    The blush on Julie’s cheeks was obvious.

    “You excited to go home?” asked Orion.

    “Extremely,” Portman was relaxed, which was unlike him. “I’m pumped to get back on the ice,”

    Charlie patted him on the arm. “We’re excited to have you back, bud. Our defense has really been lacking,”

    “Speak for yourself, Charlie,” Fulton chuckled. “Although, it’ll be nice to have my brother back,”

    Portman looked around at each of them and stopped on Adam. “Heard you’re gay now, Banksy,”

    Adam’s eyes widened. Charlie wondered if he was surprised that Portman knew, and then wondered why he’d be surprised, considering Julie had most likely told him, and if she had, she wouldn’t do it without Adam’s permission. “Uh, not just ‘now.’ But yeah,”

    The air was thick with awkwardness and Charlie brought his hands into fists, angry at the thought of Portman saying anything discriminatory. He’d had more than enough of this shit from the guys on the team, and he didn’t need it from someone he was supposed to be glad to see. Instead though, Portman broke out into a gigantic grin and enveloped Adam into a hug. Adam blinked, taken aback by this. “Congrats, man. I’m happy for you,”

    Julie’s smile was as huge as Portman’s was. She looked proud, like she’d been worried about Portman’s reaction too.

    “Uh, thanks. Appreciate it,” said Adam. Charlie could tell that he was happy and oddly enough, it made him happy as well.

    So much so that he barely paid any attention to the others, even when Orion handed him Portman’s backpack to carry out to the car. It was such a rarity to see Adam smile, and Charlie thought that he had a really nice smile. It only ever came out when he was caught off guard, when he didn’t realize that he was being watched, when he made a really great play or when Julie would mutter something under her breath that only the two of them could hear. He had nice hair too, and nice eyes. Charlie had always thought that, that wasn’t a new occurrence. And his lips weren’t bad either . . . alright, maybe that last one was a new thing. Perhaps he’d realized that the other night at Jan’s place and that’s why he’d been so okay with the kissing.

    Had what went on really been all that bad? It wasn’t like they were dating or anything, they’d just hooked up and Charlie had enjoyed it. Adam was his friend and he wasn’t going to tell anybody. He’d already sworn the Ducks to secrecy after coming out, making them promise not to tell anyone who wasn’t on the team. Seeing how crazy he was about keeping that quiet was even more proof that Adam wouldn’t open his mouth about the two of them.

    Still . . . he was seeing Linda. They weren’t official, but he figured it was kind of an unspoken thing that it was. Then again, Adam was a guy. Is it still cheating if you’re doing it with someone of the same gender? Linda would probably think so, but Charlie ignored that. What he wanted was to be able to rationalize a way that continuing to hook up with Adam was okay. He finally pulled the taller boy aside as they walked out to their cars and Adam waved goodbye to Julie, who was going with Portman and the Reeds. “Can we talk?” he asked.

    If Adam was surprised, he did a good job at hiding it. “Um, yeah, sure. Do you, uh, want a ride home?”

    Charlie nodded. He’d ridden here with Adam as well, but with Julie in the car, it hadn’t forced any conversation between them. Charlie sat in the passenger’s seat and watched Adam buckle himself in and check his mirrors like three times before starting the car. It was sort of endearing.

    “I uh, just wanted to . . . check in with you about Friday,” said Charlie.

    “If you want to pretend that it never happened, it’s cool,” Adam stated, sounding rehearsed. “We were both drinking, I get it. And I won’t tell anybody,”

    “Thanks. I won’t tell anyone either,” said Charlie.

    “And I asked my dad about the lawyer. I’ll give you his number at school tomorrow and we can set up a meeting with him,” he cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Uh, I told the guy that I’d take care of the finances. I hope that’s alright,”

    Normally, Charlie would’ve felt like a charity case and he would’ve gotten angry at Adam for even suggesting paying for him. But right now the sun was reflecting off of his face in this really nice way that made Charlie want to kiss him all over and any hostility disappeared from his thoughts. “That’s nice of you. Thanks, I appreciate it,”

    For the rest of the ride to Jan’s, they were both nearly silent. Adam kept glancing at Charlie from the corner of his eye, like he thought Charlie was going to punch him or something. Punching him was the exact opposite of what Charlie had in mind because as soon as they parked, Charlie grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and brought their lips together. “I’ve been wanting to do that since the hospital,” he admitted.

    That genuine smile appeared on Adam’s face. “So then . . . do you want to – I mean – is this -?”

    “We’re friends. That doesn’t need to change. But friends can kiss and do other things,” Charlie whispered into his ear and kissed the skin below it, making Adam turn scarlet.

    It was all too easy to get Adam to agree to this, and even easier to get him to come inside and make out with him for a couple of hours. He was all too willing, so trusting – which was odd considering that he’d thought Charlie was going to be angry with him in the car. Now, he acted like he could put his whole life in Charlie’s hands and trust him with it (which he sort of was, but Charlie didn’t need to know that).

    This was much more fun that kissing Linda, Charlie thought to himself. That had become an awful lot like a chore lately. With Adam, he knew that there were no feelings involved. He could have fun and distract himself from the current craziness in his life, and then return to reality without worrying about having to call at a specific time or meet up somewhere on a certain day. This was going to work out perfectly, in Charlie’s opinion. He could go to Adam to unwind and then talk to him at school and at practice without any of the bullshit that came with a relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i'm so sorry that it's been over a year since i updated. i promise i didn't forget about this fic! thank you to everyone that's reviewed!


	16. relapse & red flags

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! this chapter isn't the best but i wanted to get something out for you!

    “This is a bad idea,” Connie insisted for the fiftieth time that week. “What if no one bids on one of you? That’s more humiliating then going to the dance alone,”

    “It’s for charity, Moreau. All proceeds go to homeless puppies! Everyone wants to help homeless puppies,” explained Goldberg.

    It was the Friday before the Thanskgiving Dance and the Ducks were preparing for the auction at Lunch. Dean Buckley had agreed with Russ that it was a great idea and had signed off immediately, much to everyone who already had a date’s chagrin. Charlie and Guy had been complaining about Linda and Alexa having to pay since Russ had brought it up to them for the first time and Connie and Julie weren’t exactly excited about having to fight off the cheerleaders for Luis and Adam. Still, the boys who always seemed to be single were excited, and it was admittedly nice to see that. It was just worrisome that no one would want to go with them, and the lacrosse players would never let them live that down.

    “Can we just get this bullshit over with already?” asked Luis, approaching the table that Connie and Goldberg were handing out tickets at.

    “Can you not call it ‘bullshit’ too loudly? No one’s gonna bid on you with that attitude,” said Goldberg.

    Connie laughed. “Maybe in an alternate universe,” she turned to Luis. “Just go line up with the others, babe. We’re gonna start in a couple minutes,”

    Luis rolled his eyes and sauntered off. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you guys make kind of a weird couple,” Goldberg said, handing a ticket to a freshman.

    “How could I possibly take that the wrong way?” Connie questioned sarcastically.

    “I just mean that you’re too similar, you know? It’s not really a good balance,”

    “Too bad we never asked for your opinion,” she ripped another ticket from the batch.

    “I’ve just – y’know, I’ve known you all my life. You like hooking up with the bad guys, but the bad guys aren’t the ones you want to stay with. You like those All American, apple pie eating good guys,” Goldberg explained. He’d forgiven her about the prank a while ago, and although he wouldn’t admit it to her, he knew that she’d done it for the right reasons. And he’d kind of deserved it. He was willing to go back to just being bantering buddies with Connie.

    “Luis _is_ a good guy. You don’t know what you’re talking about,”

    Goldberg attempted not to scoff out loud. Connie may have been a slut and a bitch, but she was a nice girl deep down. She had a huge heart, something that Luis lacked. She was going to get attached to the kid, and he was gonna break her. Not wanting to sound like he cared that much, Goldberg stayed quiet on that. “Whatever. Just watch yourself,”

    “Yeah, I’ll do that,”

    “Connie!” Connie turned her head to the front of the cafeteria where Julie stood with a clipboard. “Time to start,”

    The school had placed a platform against one of the walls for the Ducks to work from. All the guys except for Goldberg stood next to it, some looking more anxious than others. The girls taking part in the auction sat at the tables placed behind Connie and Goldberg’s ticket table and the students who’d declined sat at the tables on the opposite end of the room.

    Connie stood up and closed the ticket box, patting Goldberg on the shoulder. “Good luck,” she said mockingly, even though she meant it. He sucked in a breath and followed her down the path to join the other guys. Julie handed Connie a microphone and sat down with some of the floor hockey girls.

    “Welcome everyone,” Connie said into the mic. The girls began clapping and there were a couple of cat calls from the guys in the back that she ignored. “Welcome to the first annual Eden Hall Ducks Auction. All proceeds from today’s event will go to the Minneapolis Animal Shelter, so no donation is too small,”

    “How much do we gotta pay for you?!” called one of the lacrosse guys.

    “She’s free!” another answered.

    Connie swallowed harshly. _Just ignore them._ “Okay, so – I guess we’ll get started then,” she nodded at Charlie to hit play on the boom box, which began blaring a Destiny’s Child song. “First up we have Les Averman . . .”

    Averman did a cartwheel that ended with him falling on his ass. Connie’s cheeks burned, afraid that this wasn’t going to end well. “Les is number 4 on the Ducks and is an honors student in Chemistry and Film. He’s a _Saturday Night Live_ super fan, has seen _Wayne’s World_ more times then is appropriate and can make up a rap about yout name. Do I hear one dollar?”

    A girl who Connie knew sometimes hung around Averman raised her hand, making Averman’s face light up. “Okay, do I hear two dollars?”

    The girl raised her hand again, clearly not understanding how this worked. This time, one of the Comedy Club ladies joined her. Connie did her best not to let out a sigh of relief. “Three dollars? Do I hear three dollars? Four dollars?”

    Comedy Club’s hand shot into the air, but Averman’s friend shouted “Ten dollars!”

    “Ten dollars, do I hear eleven dollars? Going once, going twice . . . sold to the girl in the yellow dress!” Clapping followed and Averman hurried to give his bidder a hug. Julie collected the money from her, as she volunteered to do for everyone.

    “Next up, we have Adam Banks . . .”

    Fulton and Russ practically shoved Adam up on to the stage. There was a burst of loud applause from nearly girl. “Adam is number 99 on our team. He’s an honors student taking AP classes and he enjoys movies, literature and classical music. Do I hear one dollar?”

    Fifteen different girls held up signs. “Do I hear two dollars? Three dollars?”

    “Ten dollars!” called a redhead near the back.

    “Ten dollars, do I hear eleven dollars?”

    “Twenty dollars!” called another.

    Adam looked like he was in physical pain. Julie had assured him that he was going to be one of the most sought after guys, but he’d denied this. He never knew when he was being flirted with.

    He was up to fifty dollars when Julie finally put him out of his misery and bid a hundred dollars. Buckley had put a limit on the bids at a hundred, not wanting the kids to spend all of their parents’ money. Adam may have been popular with the women, but not popular enough for a hundred bucks. “Going once, going twice – sold to the beautiful Cat lady up front,” Connie winked as Adam jetted off the stage to go and sit with Julie.

    “A hundred dollars on our second bachelor, that’s a big one. Next up we have Charlie Conway . . .” another loud applause. “Number 96 and Captain of the Ducks since 1992. His best subject is History and he loves Pantera, pizza and cooking. Do I hear one dollar?”

    “Three dollars!” came Linda’s shrill voice.

    Charlie blew her a kiss. “Three dollars, do I hear four dollars?”

    “Six dollars!” said a brown haired girl.

    “Ten dollars!” shouted a buck-toothed girl.

    “Fifty dollars!” Linda shouted back. Connie didn’t know why she seemed so defensive, she’d never known Linda to be the jealous type.

    “Fifty one!” said one of the floor hockey girls.

    “Fifty two!” Linda said back.

    “Fifty three!”

    They went at that for a bit until they reached seventy dollars, and the floor hockey player stopped there, not having that kind of money on her. Linda smiled and high fived one of her friends as Connie finalized the deal. “Sold to Miss Linda Avery,”

    Charlie hopped off the stage effortlessly and pecked Linda on the lips, earning ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ from those around them. “Bachelor number 3 is . . . Guy Germaine . . .” She’d been prepared for this awkwardness. Guy, charming as always, waved at the crowd and flashed a grin. “Guy is number 00 on the Ducks and his best subject is English. He likes animals, Jimi Hendrix and has the largest collection of records in the state. Do I hear one dollar?”

    “Five dollars!” Alexa shouted. Connie wondered if she was going to try and rub this in.

    “Seven dollars,” a girl from the chess club offered.

    “Twelve dollars,” Alexa gave her a dirty look and her message was clear – ‘how dare you bid on my boyfriend.’

    “Twelve dollars, do I hear thirteen dollars?”

    “Thirteen dollars,” said chess club girl.

    “Eighteen!” cried Alexa.

    “Eighteen dollars, do I hear nineteen dollars?”

    “Twenty!” said Chess Club.

    “Twenty five,” Alexa stood up, crossing her arms over her chest, silently daring the girl to keep going. The pretty blonde could be pretty scary, and she frightened Chess Club into staying quiet.

    “Twenty five, going once, going twice – sold to Alexa Devaney!” Connie squeezed the mic in her hand. Guy didn’t even look her way before he walked over to Alexa, and that shouldn’t have hurt Connie’s feelings but it did. They hadn’t spoken since their fight last Sunday and she wanted desperately to have a real discussion.

    “Okay, uh, next up is Greg Goldberg. Goldberg is one of our goalies and is number 33. His only good subject is Algebra and he might just be the best at the subject that I’ve ever seen. He enjoys _Star Trek_ , sandwiches and video games. Do I hear one dollar?”

    The same fear that had overcome her when it was Averman’s turn returned. One of the girls from the video game club raised her hand. “One dollar,”

    “One dollar, do I hear two dollars? Going once . . . going twice . . . sold to the lady in the pink jeans,”

    Russ and Fulton broke out in laughter at the low price, but it was clear the others on the team were thankful that he’d been chosen at all. Goldberg seemed torn on his opinion, but he still gave the girl a hug and whispered a ‘thank you’ as she handed Julie the dollar.

    “Bachelor number 5 is Luis Mendoza . . .” Connie hadn’t even finished saying his name when half the hands in the room were raised. “He’s number 22. His best subjects are Gym and Biology and he enjoys running, rap music and Adam Sandler. And I’m just going to go ahead and bid one hundred dollars right now – anyone else want to bid that high?”

    Only about ten of the hands remained up. Luis smirked. “In the event of a tie, we’re supposed to allow the contestant to choose his lady. So Luis, who’ll it be?”

    Luis had lent her the hundred dollars, so Connie had absolutely no worry that he wouldn’t choose her. “I’m gonna have to go with the lovely Connie Moreau,”

    The other girls groaned and the guys in the back whooped and hollered as Luis shoved his tongue down Connie’s throat. “Watch it Mendoza!” said one of the lunch aides. (Connie wondered where the aide had been when she’d been cat called earlier). Luis existed the stage and winked at the crowd.

    “Next up is Fulton Reed, number 44. Fulton excels in Geometry and Geology, and he’s a fan of football, poetry and Mario Kart. Do I hear one dollar?” Fulton looked nearly as uncomfortable as Adam had, even though Connie knew that he was excited. He was a closeted romantic at heart.

    “Two dollars!” shouted one.

    “Five dollars!” came another’s voice.

    “Five dollars, do I hear six dollars?” asked Connie.

    “Ten dollars!” the first girl repeated. Fulton smiled shyly.

    “Fifteen dollars!” a different girl raised her hand.

    “Twenty dollars,” said the first girl once more.

    “Thirty dollars!” the second girl called out.

    “Forty dollars!” said the first girl again.

    “Forty dollars going once, going twice . . . sold to the lady in the Janis Joplin shirt!” Connie patted Fulton on the shoulder and shoved him the tiniest bit. He was standing more awkwardly than he had been moments before. Whether he was pleased with his top bidder or not was unclear, because he gave her a big smile when he approached her.

    “Dwayne Robertson, our resident cowboy . . .” Dwayne hopped on the stage with a grin that took up his whole face. He tipped his hat at the crowd. “. . . is number 7 on the Ducks. He’s great in English class and he likes the rodeo, cartoons and Tex-Mex. Do I hear one dollar?”

    There was silence. Fuck. Ken and Russ hid their faces in their hands and Connie couldn’t blame them – the secondhand embarrassment was too much. This was exactly what she’d been afraid of. There was laughter coming from the lacrosse team and some of the girls who had been bidding lowered themselves in their seats.

    “One dollar,” came a small voice after a full minute. Connie was unsurprised to see that it was Julie.

    “One dollar going once, going twice – sold to the wonderful, fantastic Julie Gaffney,” It was a good thing that Dwayne wasn’t the smartest guy in the world because he was completely unfazed. He jumped right to Julie and put his arm around her, saying something about being honored to go to the dance with her and Adam.

    “Number 56 belongs to Russ Tyler, master of the knuckle puck,” All the male Ducks applauded as Russ threw his hands in the air. “Russ is an honors student in three AP classes and he likes French fries, the _National Lampoon_ movies and Eddie Murphy. Do I hear one dollar?”

    One of the cheerleaders raised her hand. Connie didn’t think that she even knew who Russ was and glared at her for a moment, afraid that this was a joke. She recognized this girl vaguely though – she sometimes helped Connie out in History and didn’t seem like the cruel type. “Five dollars,” she said.

    “Five dollars, do I hear six dollars?”

    “Seven dollars,” said a girl from the Chess Club.

    “Ten dollars,” said the cheerleader.

    Ken gave Russ a thumbs-up from the sidelines. “Fifteen dollars,” said Chess Club.

    The cheerleader must not have thought that Russ was worth more than that because she gave up. “Fifteen dollars going once, going twice . . . sold to the girl with the glasses!”

    Russ was obviously disappointed that he was going with a nerd instead of a cheerleader and Connie wanted to slap him on the side of the head. He should be thankful that he was even going at all.

    “We’ve only got one bachelor left, ladies, and this one’s a good one. Ken Wu is an former Olympic figure skater and he’s number 16. He takes all AP classes and is on the honor roll and he likes Stephen King, veganism and politics. Do I hear one dollar?”

    About five girls raised their hands. Connie smiled to herself. Ken was such a nice guy, he deserved to have girls fighting for him. “Okay, two dollars, do I hear two dollars?”

    The same five girls raised their hands and two of them upped their bids to five dollars.

    “Six dollars,” said one of them.

    “Ten dollars,” said the other.

    “Ten dollars, do I hear fifteen dollars?” Connie raised her eyebrow.

    “Twenty dollars,” said the taller of the two girls.

    “Twenty five,” said the other.

    “Thirty,”

    The shorter girl shrugged. Connie figured she was a scholarship kid who couldn’t afford any more. “Thirty dollars going once, going twice – sold to the girl in the overalls. Uh, alright, well that concludes the Ducks Auction. Thank you so much to everyone for participating!” Connie walked off the platform and over to Luis, happy to see that all of the Ducks would have dates. She had a good feeling about the dance and she normally hated every school dance. This one could be different, especially because she was going with someone that she considered a friend. And she could ignore the knawing feeling she got in her stomach when Guy and Alexa kissed for one night.

* * *

 

    Portman was officially allowed back in the school that same day. He really was feeling tons better, better than he’d felt in a long time, really. It felt like the past couple of years had been spent in a dreary fog, and he was now just waking up for the first time. That wasn’t really a bad thing – nothing all that memorable had happened in those years. Sophomore and Junior year had been pretty uneventful compared to the years before it, with the only highlights being the parties and the blowjobs in the bathroom. And the cocaine, obviously.

    But the coke had been an end to the boredom and it had scratched the itch for adventure in him. Plus, it wasn’t like anyone was going to notice. He had the Reeds, but it wasn’t something that they’d pick up on, especially because Portman normally acted like he was high on something even when he wasn’t. He had his job at the Dave and Buster’s in the mall that paid for his stash and kept the school from getting suspicious when he wasn’t in his dorm on a school night. It was all taken care – it was all handled! But he just had to go and fuck everything up with that stupid overdose.

    Since rehab, Portman had realized that that overdose was the best thing that could’ve happened. He survived and as pussy as it was, he’d talked through a bunch of shit that he hadn’t realized he’d been bottling up. And Julie had been there to see him nearly every day. Julie, who he’d never gotten to even look at him before. She’d been happy to be there – they’d joked around, gossiped and laughed. He’d spent so much of high school being afraid to let his feelings for her known, and now, all he wanted to do was shout those feelings from rooftops. Despite that, Portman couldn’t imagine that Julie felt the same way about him. She was just pitying him, just being nice because he’d been in the hospital. (“She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t give a shit about you,” Fulton had said when he’d brought it up.)

    There were times that made Portman think Fulton was right. Like when he told her she looked pretty this one time and her cheeks had turned scarlet. Or the other day when she’d pulled him in for a really tight hug and thanked him for being so kind to Adam. She had a look in her eyes that Portman hadn’t seen before and it made him feel hopeful.

    “Julie’s been really great,” he told Orion, who’d told him to come straight to his office when he’d phoned that morning. “Fulton and his mom, too. It’s pretty crazy how supportive everyone’s been after what an ass I was,”

    “It’s like you kids always say: Ducks fly together,” Orion smiled and then added, “Don’t tell Charlie I said that, alright?”

    Portman laughed. “So what’s going on, Coach? Did Dean Buckley want you to give me all my missed homework assignments or what?”

    The smile disappeared from Orion’s face. He cleared his throat awkwardly and folded his hands on top of his desk. Portman wasn’t the smartest guy in the world, but he’d seen this expression many times before. It meant he was going to get bad news. “It’s just . . . I . . . I just . . . I . . .” he sighed. “I did everything I could, Dean. I want you to know that and I want you to know that I’m on your side. I’ll always be on your side, alright?”

    Portman took a deep breath and fidgeted in his seat, but nodded regardless.

    “It seems that the school board . . . the school board . . . think that you may be a risk to the other students. And I know that you’re clean now and I know you don’t plan on relapsing, but . . . they they still feel that bringing drugs to school isn’t something that can be forgiven so easily. So, I’m sorry, but you’re suspended until further notice,”

    All of the excitement and positivity in Portman’s chest fell into his stomach. “What? But I’ve already been out of school for a month! Isn’t that enough?”

    “They said that that time doesn’t count because it was your choosing,”

    “It wasn’t my choosing! What do they think rehab is the same as just taking a fucking vacation?”

    “Watch your mouth,” said Orion, holding up a hand. “I know you’re mad and you have every right to be, but there’s nothing I can do.”

    Portman wanted to explode. He wanted to take the chair he was sitting in and throw it against the wall. He wanted to destroy every piece of junk in that god damn school. Eden Hall made such a giant fucking deal about helping people and including everyone and they were just going to give up on him because of one mistake? Didn’t they realize that he hadn’t hurt anyone? Didn’t they get that he couldn’t have stopped? Did they listen to any of the bullshit about addiction that the school counselors were always going on about?

    Fuck.

    Fuck.

    Fuck.

    “Don’t lose it, Dean,” said Orion. “You’ve made so much progress. Don’t ruin it over the prejudice of a few people,”

    “Why shouldn’t I?”

    “Because then you’ll prove them right,”

    Portman couldn’t even think about the sincerity behind Orion’s words. He was too upset. He felt let down and he got the feeling that he got whenever he needed some coke. His doctors at rehab had said that once the withdrawal ended, he’d be good for a little while and then the urges would start up again when something triggered him. At the time, he’d thought it would be easy. He’d foolishly thought that he’d be strong enough to shake it off.

    How wrong he’d been. He shook his head and stood up, marching out of the room. Orion called after him, but Portman ignored him.

    All he needed was some relief. He couldn’t stop scratching at his arms, trying to calm the anxiety creeping up on him.

    As if a sign from the God he didn’t believe in, Portman ran right into Fulton.

    “Hey, man. I was just coming to see if you were done with your meeting –“

    “Uh, yeah, I gotta go, man –“

    Fulton knew him far too well. Normally, it was endearing and made Portman feel wanted. Now, it was irritating and he needed to get as far away from his friend as possible. Fulton took him by the arms and held him in place. “What’s going on? You look . . . freaked out,”

    “I’m fine. I just have somewhere to be, can you just leave me alone?”

    “No, not after everything. Just chill for a second,”

    Portman was shaking and he felt like he had when he’d first arrived at rehab. He thought that he was going to cry and he didn’t want Fulton to see him cry. He wanted Fulton to still think that things were going great. He didn’t want to let him down again.

    Still, he paused.

    Fulton rubbed his fingers against his forearms. “Chill. Chill, alright? Let’s just . . . let’s just sit down,”

    Against his better judgment, Portman nodded and let Fulton lead him to a bench towards the end of the hallway. They sat down together and Fulton moved his hand to Portman’s shoulder. “You’re supposed to talk things out, remember? Talking helps. You can’t keep things bottled up. That leads to relapsing,”

    Portman tapped his foot rapidly.

    “You don’t want to relapse . . . right?”

    “I just need to do it once and I’ll be good,” said Portman.

    “No, you don’t. It won’t just be one time,” Fulton explained, his voice soft. “You can’t . . . you can’t just do it once. You can do other stuff instead. Why don’t we go get some ice cream?”

    “Because I don’t fucking want ice cream. It doesn’t fucking help,”

    “What’s going on? Everything was fine this morning,”

    “Yeah, and now everything’s fucked.”

    Fulton sighed and took his hand off of Portman, slouching into the bench. Portman wanted to get out of there and feed his hunger, but he also didn’t want to disappoint Fulton. Fulton had been there for him no matter what and Portman hadn’t paid him back for any of it. He’d promised him that he would be a better friend and that’s what he needed to do.

    “I’m suspended,” he whispered. “I don’t know for how long, but I’m suspended.”

    “But you’ve been out of school for a month,”

    “That’s what I fucking said.”

    “Who decided this?” asked Fulton.

    “The fucking school board,”

    “Oh, well, of course. They’ve never liked us,” said Fulton. “They’ve always thought they were better than us because they’re rich and we’re poor. All we are to them is white trash. They’ve tried to get rid of us since day one,”

    “That doesn’t make it fucking hurt any less,”

    “No, it doesn’t. And I’m sorry this is happening. I’m really fucking sorry,”

    Portman nodded, his hands still shaking.

    “It’s bullshit, man. But please – please don’t lose it, okay? Things just started getting better. If you start going down this path again, it’ll get worse,”

    “It could get better,” Portman whispered.

    Fulton shook his head. “No, no, no, it won’t. Your body can’t take it and what if – what if you don’t survive this time? You told me you didn’t want to die,”

    “I don’t.”

    “Then don’t do it again. Please . . . please. I don’t know how to talk you out of it, so I’m just gonna ask you not to. We can go see your therapist. We can make a fucking list of reasons not to do it. We can do anything you want, just not the fucking drugs. I know its bullshit that they’re doing this and I know it isn’t fair, but you’ve dealt with much worse. You’ll get through this, okay?”

    Portman shrugged.

    “Look at me,” said Fulton. He repeated himself when Portman didn’t oblige. “Look at me,”

    Portman turned towards him.

    “We’ll get through this together. We’re the Bash Brothers – you can’t have one without the other,”

    Suddenly his hands didn’t feel as shake-y anymore. That anxious feeling was replaced with something different, a sort of calmness that was new to Portman. Maybe Fulton was right. Maybe he should just take his advice – it wasn’t like Fulton had ever led him down the wrong path before. He closed his eyes, feeling like a fucking pussy and then quickly reminded himself that he wasn’t supposed to think that way anymore.

    “You want to go get ice cream?”

    Fulton smiled. “Of course,”

* * *

 

    Anytime Adam wasn’t in class or on the ice, Charlie was kissing him. He’d pull him into classrooms or into a closet and just attack him with his mouth. It wasn’t like Adam was complaining – he’d been dreaming about this for years; it was just that he was confused. Charlie was straight and he had a girlfriend (even though he insisted that Linda wasn’t his girlfriend and they were just seeing each other) who he held hands with in the hallway and ate lunch with. He had everything, so why was he all over Adam? Had the hand job he’d given him that night at the skate shop really been that great? Was that the reason for all of this? Adam had always known that Charlie liked sex. Hell, everyone knew it. Maybe he just didn’t like being tied down to one person at a time and was fooling around with Adam for just that reason. Still, that begged the question – why Adam?

    Adam convinced himself not to overthink it. He should just be happy that this was real life and not a fantasy. Besides, Charlie didn’t treat him like just a side piece. They’d only been hooking up for about eight days, and in that time, Charlie had showered him in affection and compliments. Plus, there was the fact that he’d stayed over twice in the past week and spooned Adam while they slept.

    Julie didn’t think it was a good idea.

    They were shopping for clothes for the dance (Julie was shopping and Adam was holding her bags), while Julie went on and on about how Connie needed to stop using sex to ignore her feelings for Luis. Adam knew her well enough to know that she was also talking about him and Charlie.

    “Do you want me to just stop seeing him?” Adam asked mid-conversation.

    Julie turned to him, feigning surprise. “Huh?”

    “I know you don’t approve of me and Charlie,”

    She looked through dresses and refused to make eye contact with him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,”

    “Really? Because when I told you he stayed over last night, you said ‘cool’ and changed the subject,”

    “What do you want me to say, Adam? He has a girlfriend.”

    “She’s not his girlfriend . . .” Adam muttered.

    “Stop it, you know she is. She’s the one he hangs out with in public. You’re the one he hangs out with in private. You’re okay with that?”

    Adam shrugged. “I mean, it’s not my favorite thing. But I still get to have those private moments with him. That’s enough for me,”

    Julie said nothing, her eyes widening as she attempted to hold in an obvious passive aggressive sigh. She sifted through a pile of sweaters, checking the size of one. “Just say what you want to say,” said Adam. “I won’t get mad. I promise,”

    “You sure about that?” asked Julie, unconvinced.

    He nodded.

    She let out the sigh that she’d been holding in. “You’ve been in love with Charlie for like, ever. You can’t tell me that it doesn’t bother you that he’s seeing Linda and won’t put a label on what he’s doing with you,”

    “One, it hasn’t even been a week yet. And two, he hasn’t put a label on Linda either,”

    “But he’s going to the dance with her,”

    “And I’m going with you.”

    “You know that’s not the same thing,”

    Adam was happy, why couldn’t Julie just accept that? Why did she have to make this harder than it needed to be? Julie saw the look of annoyance on his face and took his hand in hers. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, babe,”

    “I know,” he muttered. “But I’m not going to. I get that Charlie doesn’t want to be serious with me,”

    “But don’t you want to be serious with him?”

    Adam bit his lip and accepted the dress that Julie handed to him. “Obviously. But this is better than nothing,”

    That was the honest answer, or at least the most honest answer that Adam could muster. Those intimate moments with Charlie were everything and they made him feel like all of his suffering and self-hatred over the years was worth it. Still, he wanted to be the person that Charlie showed off in the hallways. Did that make him selfish? Relationships weren’t just about PDA. They were about communication too . . . although Charlie and Adam didn’t communicate much. The past six days had consisted of them kissing for hours (among other things) and then Charlie would say goodbye and move on with his day. Even the times that Charlie had stayed over, there hadn’t been any talking. Adam knew that he shouldn’t expect so much in such a short amount of time but it wasn’t as if he and Charlie had just met. They’d known each other for years now. He should be the one that Charlie came to talk to – but he had talked to him about his stepfather. And even Linda didn’t know about that. That had to be proof that Charlie saw him as more than just a hook up, right?

    He wasn’t about to tell Julie that, though. Charlie had trusted him.

    He could just let Julie think whatever she wanted about the situation. She didn’t mean any harm by being worried, after all. Julie just wanted to protect him and Adam appreciated how much she looked out for him. Sometimes it felt like she was the only one doing so. Even when Adam had told her about the NFL draft guy coming to see him, Julie’s first question had been, “Are you happy?” No one else had even asked him how he felt about it; they’d just showered him in congrats and told him how great the whole thing was.

    Adam suddenly felt overcome with gratitude. He put his arm around Julie and brought her head to his lips.

    “What was that for?” she questioned.

    “For being worried about me,”

    She smiled. “I just want you to be with someone who’s good enough for you,”

    “You’re the only person who’s good enough for me,” he admitted.

         “It’s too bad I have a vagina, huh?”


End file.
